How about a thread about our own parental disappointments?

Gardenlover

Gardenlover

The world needs more love
At times it is easier to see the wrongs our parents have done to us, rather than see the disappointments we have caused our own children.

We need grace just as much as our parents do.

I worked too many hours, being an absentee father, justifying it to myself that I was supplying all my family's financial needs. However, my wife would often take the kids on vacations alone because I couldn't/wouldn't break away from work and it's many supposed deadlines. How many of my children's ball games, theater events, or concerts did I miss and how many untold volumes did this speak to them on what importance their young lives mattered to me?

Looking back on it now... I was foolish. It was in many ways a generational curse, but I could have broken the spell.

Remember my friends you are not prefect, but you are beautiful. Time and love cannot be bought at any price.
 

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Babs2u said:
My husband missed a lot due to the nature of his job. I sometimes wonder if we should have tried harder.
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I guess it really boils down to which of the areas you both should have tried harder in. Hind sight is 20/20. I often try to find peace using this logic(?).
 

Paco Dennis said:
Mom dies when I am 13. Step mother commits suicide when I am 16. Dad becomes a drunk, until I leave my younger brother there. I got him out when he was 19. I didn't have parents to be disappointed in.
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I feel for you my friend, that is a whole other level, of which I have no exposure. I'm here to listen and expand my limited knowledge. We love you, one day I would like to meet you for a cup of coffee.
 
Gardenlover said:
At times it is easier to see the wrongs our parents have done to us, rather than see the disappointments we have caused our own children.
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I blame no one but myself for mistakes I made raising my child (I only had one). When I was growing up, my father did things that were unfair, and some of that undoubtedly contributed to the person I became, but he was one of 9 children, all raised without love by a father whose only interest in life was making a buck. So, if we are to place blame on those in the past for the mistakes (or bad decisions) we make, there is no end to how far back the blame could go.
 
I think that the whole work life balance thing was tougher for us and our parents.

When I entered the work force being on time and limiting time off seemed more important than what we were actually able to accomplish.

Today, employers seem more flexible and it’s a bit easier with today’s technology for many to squeeze out a couple of hours for a school activity or family event.

It would be interesting for parents and adult children to compare notes and see if they both carry the same scars, difficulties, and regrets.

We might find that our experiences and memories are very different.
 
-Oy- said:
Well - there were some tough times - but we've brought up three successful and happy people. All with nice partners and all with their own homes - and we have two fabulous grandchildren too. That's all I could wish for.
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ah happy ending - thread finished??? goodnight!@
 
On Halloween of 1988 my wife left me with our 3 girls who were 5, 4, and 8 months at the time. When she returned two weeks later I had an attorney and abandonment order waiting. I then spent every waking minute of my life trying to provide/care for their welfare. Some years later, I remarried a wonderful lady and we had a son. I did not understand the female mind (still don't LMAO), but I was hoping to take what was broken and make the best of it. I'm the ogre that said no car dates until 16! My oldest daughter went back with her mother at 11, and then proceeded to try and fix her. It was the blind leading the blind, and I have learned you cannot stop pain you can only prevent it.
 
welcome fish creek - late condolences - sober but nice posting for us all - look forward to your future contributions!!! ps: just dive in most of us do!
 
I have twins, a boy and and a girl. They're 30 now.

By and large, I think I did a pretty decent job with them. But there are two things that stand out where I feel like I failed.

One, they are both gay, and even though they have always had 100% acceptance from my wife and I, my heart breaks when I think of how they must have struggled with those feelings by themselves before coming out. I wish they had talked to us. It might have been easier for them if they knew they had love and safety and security starting right in their own home.

The second is the one I still lay awake nights thinking about. The number of times I drove drunk with my kids in the car.

I live with that guilt every single day of my life. Even after 22 years of sobriety, the guilt hasn't lessened one bit.
 
fish creek said:
On Halloween of 1988 my wife left me with our 3 girls who were 5, 4, and 8 months at the time. When she returned two weeks later I had an attorney and abandonment order waiting. I then spent every waking minute of my life trying to provide/care for their welfare. Some years later, I remarried a wonderful lady and we had a son. I did not understand the female mind (still don't LMAO), but I was hoping to take what was broken and make the best of it. I'm the ogre that said no car dates until 16! My oldest daughter went back with her mother at 11, and then proceeded to try and fix her. It was the blind leading the blind, and I have learned you cannot stop pain you can only prevent it.
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Reflecting back there were moments of sadness, but also many wonderful moments with my kids. The worst part was losing my middle daughter unexpectedly 2 years ago. I would never wish my worst enemy to experience such pain. Her daughter is expecting, and she would have been so thrilled. Life is not always fair. Cherish every moment, and live with gratitude. I remain resolute and resilient to have the best possible life each day. Dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins are flowing every day. Oxytocin too, but not as much as I would like, LOL! Sometimes I feel like I want to live fifty more years and have another five kids. I have the virility for it, unfortunately my mate does not.
 
Adam and Eve were bad parents since their son, Cain, murdered his brother, Abel, when they became adults. The parents are to blame for what their son did to his brother.
 
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My dad worked hard. And never missed an athletic even I had in HS. This was 5 yrs of basketball and 3 yrs of football. He was always there. And even for some of my track meets. And he had worked all day. I had a great example. My children (four of them) did few of these things but I was at all of them. Luckily for me I taught for 40 yrs and took my kids to my school from kindergarten to 5th grade. Then with summers off I took them swimming fishing to parks and visits to relatives.

IT was the perfect job to have children, And I had them young and then older. I still have 17 yr old here. So far my children have never embarrassed me or really gotten into real problems. I love them all the same and they are all VERY different from each other. My two sons (by different moms) really love each other. And spend time with each other. They are all nice people that treat others with respect.
 

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