Don't get me wrong; my parents had many admirable qualities. My father certainly had a work ethic, and was what used to be called a "self-made man," building himself up from a humble beginning that offered him few resources. Yet for all of their good characteristics, my parents were racists and homophobes. To some extent, these attitudes were far more common in their generation, while certainly not acceptable. It was a challenge to myself to reconcile my love for my parents with those things I found repugnant, accepting what I could not change.
Has anyone else experienced a similar approach/avoidance conflict with their parents, and how did you deal with it? In what ways are you alike or dissimilar from your parents?
My parents came from different parts of the U.S., and had very different backgrounds. I think the only reason they were compatible at all was they had similar basic values. In no particular order, characteristics they had that I have:
- Family is everything. Although they certainly had some unusual ideas on the subject, they/I have similar viewpoint that nothing is more important.
- 'People are People' = all human beings are equal, regardless of age, ethnicity, race, or any other factors; and even kids have a voice.
- Parents are in charge of their kids, regardless of where or with whom the kids happen to be.
- Alcohol is negative, drugs are unacceptable; neither ever used 'mind-altering' prescriptions, and neither would I.
- Gender roles are idiotic- from toys to jobs, it's only about personal preference. The only exception was family composition: men provide for their families, women take care of house/kids- yet they still had an egaliatarian relationship.
- The approach "It doesn't matter what House of Worship you go to or what religion you follow, because there's only one God."
