Well, at first this isolation thing was no big deal. I'm used to isolating anyway.
I think what's been bugging me is that my depression has come back and I've got absolutely no one to turn to. Nobody is checking to see if I'm ok. It's like nobody gives a rats butt. So feeling pretty alone. Not sure I'm all that impressed with my friend picking skills at this point.
I have had to learn to keep myself entertained like a cat. The only contact I have is very little with co-workers right now because everyone is stressed out and moody. And the pizza delivery service people. I've been tipping them since they're the only friendly face I get right now and they have my brownies.
Other than that...it's just me, myself and I. I'm gonna hafta freak the neighbor out and start talking to myself pretty soon.
We're not all that different from each other of from lots of people.
If it were not for church, there would be no one I'd have regular contact with. And church is gone for now.
With the Shelter In Home thing, I get the occasional email from one or two of them who are probably concerned that by this point I'm practicing my penmanship on the walls with of my home my own poop, but absent them, if I kicked the bucket, I would be one of "those stories." If you read some of the comments here and in other places, many folks are the same way...absent a spouse or children, they would be in the exact same position. I see people writing that they isolate, but then they talk about a spouse, so they're not really, but I get what they mean. They isolate as a couple. They isolate together.
It's more or less of my own choosing. I could have friends if I wanted to put in the work and tolerate them as they would have to tolerate me. There is always a way. There are always venues and opportunities. I let habits become long-term behaviour. Some of those habits were in response to "life," others were a more direct choice...just like everyone else, I guess. Just because I may be lonely today does not mean that my tolerance level is gonna magically be higher tomorrow.
The thing I try to not do is compare my known reality with some fantasy (if that's the right word, perhaps "concept" is better) of "if only," because it's the reality of the "if only" that has caused me to make the choices I've made. Besides, I've known people who can seemingly make friends with "anyone" confide as to how lonely they are. Go figger. At least you've got co-workers. That's the entirety of
many people's social circles.
Take this time to reassess. Situations like this are forced change and forced breaks from auto-pilot. It
is uncomfortable. Write those thoughts down...it will help get them organized. It will help focus them. As long as we're alive, we have choices. You might not like the ones you make, but at least understanding the
why behind them makes them either acceptable or changeable. I don't think there's a 3rd choice once you understand them. The real risk is that when this blows over, those of us who might like to make changes are likely to run right back to the way things were...because that's what humans do.
