How do you get a friend out of a funk?

C

Camper6

Well-known Member
Location
Northwestern Ontario Canada
I mean. You can see he is turning into a hermit..

Has all kinds of health problems but refuses to help himself.

He's overweight. Has diabetes. Needs to exercise but won't move even to walk a block.

Keeps going to the doctor and they keep prescribing more and more pills.

It's almost like it's a scam to make money.
 

Does he have personal issues other than his health? Family stuff, loneliness, perhaps? Or does he feel overwhelmed by aging/health problems and the limitations they bring? Perhaps he is suffering from depression and has given up.
 
You say pills....are they for pain? If he has joint or other pain, that would make movement difficult. Pain medication is a great relief and can allow a person more movement/exercise but, if the wrong kind or taken incorrectly, it can cause diminished movement.

Losing weight and managing diabetes is very tough but not impossible. I hope your friend can get the support and inspiration he needs to begin making changes. At least, he has your friendship. Would he be open to counseling or even a few visits to the local senior center?
 

It will take a lot of effort on your part but maybe you can start by going over to his place and spending time with him there playing cards or whatever then slowly start suggesting going out with him somewhere. If he doesn't get out of his funk first he'll never even want to make the move outdoors. So much of how we feel and act is mental if you're set in your ways to be miserable within your own four walls it takes something positive to snap you out of it. It's true Americans are over medicated and if you don't think it's a scam just watch the tv for a day and see all the commercials they have urging people to go on prescriptions drugs for everything. He has to lose weight first off does he eat a lot of junk foods? Just a change of diet even with little exercise will help him to lose some weight and help his diabetes. Good luck it's nice he has a friend like you that wants to help
 
I agree with Stormy it will be a long slow process. If he lets you into his world and he is comfortable with you then maybe he will gradually tip his hand about why he is reclusive, then you might be able to gradually open up his world a little.

It might also help if you can genuinely think of something that he may be able to help you with. If he feels needed he may overcome some of his fears and problems to help a friend.

Good luck to both of you!
 
Just be a good friend and try, and try, and try to talk him into some more activity.

But you do need to accept that some people cannot and/or will not be helped. Their problems or martyrdom or withdrawal from the world is their choice of a life to live and they do have the right to live it.

It's hard because we all want to help others but sometimes it's not possible.
 
Camper6 said:
I mean. You can see he is turning into a hermit..

Has all kinds of health problems but refuses to help himself.

He's overweight. Has diabetes. Needs to exercise but won't move even to walk a block.

Keeps going to the doctor and they keep prescribing more and more pills.

It's almost like it's a scam to make money.
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Sounds like my neighbor..6'-6" 420+lbs and on meds..hardly even ventures out of the house!! Misses out a lot on retired life..001 1.gif His wife and children have talked to him, but he stays the way he is!!
 
It's a hard line to cross. If you try to talk to a person to help and it comes across as nagging.

He does call if he needs help with something and I do call every day to see how he is doing and I have to endure a lecture on his health problems which he refuses to do anything about.
 
He may just want to be alone, I think the best you can do is just be there at a distance if he needs help, perhaps phone him regularly, if he refuses help, don't push it but ask again another time. Many people who try to help in a situation like this get tired of asking and finally drop out. Don't do that. He will get some comfort from knowing you care but he may not want to take your offers. Don't presume he is depressed, he may well not be I is have known several folks who for their own reasons just want to be left alone. You can only help my addressing what he sees as needs, not always what you may think are. If he talks about his health problems that is what he needs right now and as a friend you are able to listen.
 
Camper6 said:
He does call if he needs help with something and I do call every day to see how he is doing and I have to endure a lecture on his health problems which he refuses to do anything about.
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You're very nice to help him out when he calls and to check on him. I can see where it would be really frustrating if he constantly complains about his health problems but won't do anything to help himself. You're very patient
 
Jeannine said:
He may just want to be alone, I think the best you can do is just be there at a distance if he needs help, perhaps phone him regularly, if he refuses help, don't push it but ask again another time. Many people who try to help in a situation like this get tired of asking and finally drop out. Don't do that. He will get some comfort from knowing you care but he may not want to take your offers. Don't presume he is depressed, he may well not be I is have known several folks who for their own reasons just want to be left alone. You can only help my addressing what he sees as needs, not always what you may think are. If he talks about his health problems that is what he needs right now and as a friend you are able to listen.
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I think you made some good points Jeannine and so did jujube. The one thing I would question is having to listen repeatedly to his list of health issues and particularly if they could be managed by lifestyle changes. Maybe finding some way to diplomatically say that you (Camper) have heard the list before but you'd rather talk about what your friends plans are for the day. That might give your friend an opportunity to refocus away from his 'issues' because my guess is, he spends a lot of time already, thinking about his hurts and aches.....which will only make him feel them more.

Maybe that would help, maybe not but a suggestion. You would know your friend best Camper.
 
Until he decides he wants to change, nothing you are going to do will help.

I was a smoker for 43 years. Friends, family, medical professionals all encouraged,chided,nagged,and pleaded for me to quit. I always said that I wanted to, tried every method known to man,and some I invented on my own. Nothing worked.

One evening almost three years ago, I was sitting in my chair, with my right lung hurting from the pollution that the 40 cigarettes of the day had lumped in, I said ENOUGH. I put down my smokes and started a journey. It has been difficult and is still a battle,and as yey I am holding fast.

My point is that no matter how much help was available, no matter how much support I had, until I made the decision, nothing was going to happen.

Bless you for being a friend,but don't hang your hoped on success.
 
Camper6 said:
It's a hard line to cross. If you try to talk to a person to help and it comes across as nagging.

He does call if he needs help with something and I do call every day to see how he is doing and I have to endure a lecture on his health problems which he refuses to do anything about.
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I think it is important to take care of your needs also. I would find it difficult to be exposed on a daily basis to a litany of health stuff when the person is avoiding responsibility for managing their issues.
 
Thanks for your concern an realize looking after myself is important. I don't make an issue out of listening all the time and I will change topics to sports or whatever.

Thamks foryour concern.
 
Robusta said:
Until he decides he wants to change, nothing you are going to do will help.

I was a smoker for 43 years. Friends, family, medical professionals all encouraged,chided,nagged,and pleaded for me to quit. I always said that I wanted to, tried every method known to man,and some I invented on my own. Nothing worked.

One evening almost three years ago, I was sitting in my chair, with my right lung hurting from the pollution that the 40 cigarettes of the day had lumped in, I said ENOUGH. I put down my smokes and started a journey. It has been difficult and is still a battle,and as yey I am holding fast.

My point is that no matter how much help was available, no matter how much support I had, until I made the decision, nothing was going to happen.

Bless you for being a friend,but don't hang your hoped on success.
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:clap: Good for you, never too late! I'm coming up on my 11th anniversary of quitting smoking, after a 40+ year run.
 
I'm lucky. I never smoked. I realized as early as about 12 years of age that it must be harmful.

I tried to talk all the members of my baseball team into quitting because I just knew that it would cut your wind.

I was successful with some of them but not all. They believed me when we won a championship.
 
You can't get him out of his funk. You are not helping him by repeatedly listening to his list of complaints. He is feeling sorry for himself and doesn't want to do anything about his situation. He probably needs meds for depression. He is going to have to help himself.

Don't worry about him or try to change him. He will just drag you down. Check up on him once in a while and leave it at that.
 
RubyK said:
You can't get him out of his funk. You are not helping him by repeatedly listening to his list of complaints. He is feeling sorry for himself and doesn't want to do anything about his situation. He probably needs meds for depression. He is going to have to help himself.

Don't worry about him or try to change him. He will just drag you down. Check up on him once in a while and leave it at that.
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You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
 
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