How do you handle Conflict?

Ruthanne

Ruthanne

Caregiver
Location
Midwest
This has been a hard subject for me. I have responded to many in the past in the way I felt at the time. I also see that waiting and seeing how things play out may be a better course. I do have to say though it's often hard not to react and say how pissed or hurt you are, etc. but maybe there is a better way??? Your opinions are appreciated.:sentimental:
 

Verbal conflict?
I almost immediately become sarcastically snide, with moments of serious thoughts (shots).
It’s not pretty.
Thing is, I hold little value to a verbal scuffle.
See, the older one gets, the less one changes.
Pointed opinions fall in the category of futile for me.
….like the one I just typed here

However, when speaking softy, and not directly to the antagonist, one can just utter a truism, and leave those listening to their own conclusions



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It's better to express yourself right away and deal with whatever is causing this conflict. Otherwise it builds up inside and explodes later. Sometimes for no good reason as in Passive/Aggressive disorder.
 

I have no problems with conflict or, as I like to call it.......a debate (LOL). But, I do watch (very much) who I debate with and how far I go with it. One time, a lady a Walmart said something to my wife that wasn't appropriate and I said "that wasn't necessary" to her and had my phone "in hand" ready to call 911 for an officer......if needed, but wasn't. She could tell that I would have called for an officer if she would have continued to insult my wife.

As for my wife, she doesn't like "confrontation" that much at all, but when it comes to a bill, she will call and discuss the matter with customer service.
 
Rarely have any conflict in my life today. I was always slow to anger but when the dam finally burst it was not pretty. When I worked outside as a field engineer on construction projects, it was constantly confrontational, and not settled by sending "memos". More like standing toe to toe and explaining things with a generous amount of four letter words. Did it for 25 years and never liked it. My later years, I worked in a branch office where it was more "civilized". LOL

Conflict in our family has thankfully been minimal.
 
Most conflicts start out as nothing. I always look at the root of the conflict and put value to it. I find that it's usually the words tossed around that are the real problem.

Example, when I go to the store. There they are blocking the whole isle while looking for something. I can get upset, say something, or just wait and realize I have accidently done that, although I look up and say oops, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, they may not, but then comes the value. Is it worth the argument? No.
Same way with couples or friends. It usually starts over something that's petty, but the insults end up creating a disaster. Put a value to arguments and ask if it's worth it.

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Another thing to ask yourself, how much effect will your opinion have? Is it worth expressing it and causing conflict? Example, bumper stickers. You put one on your car that says, liberals are idiots. Do you really believe a liberal is going to see it and say, wow I always thought we were right, we're idiots? Oh I need to change my ways. They could care less, but may anger at the insult. So is it worth putting a sticky pieces of vinyl all over your bumpers? No.

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It says in the Bible to be slow to anger, so it's good to count to ten, take some deep breaths, pray for God's will and direction, step outside yourself and into their shoes...and by that time you'll have forgotten what the conflict was and can go out and enjoy sharing some wine, friends, and music together :D
 
The question is really too general to answer. What kind of conflict?

Between two kids you are taking care of? Somebody says something out of the blue which you find personally offensive? Somebody just venting about a subject you really don't care that much about?
Somebody abusing another person? Somebody raising another side of an issue which you hadn't thought about before? Somebody acting out a drunken rage? Or what?
 
If it is getting ugly I walk away from it telling the other person to get back to me when they are ready to straighten things out in a more civilized manner or agree to disagree. If they don't return I feel I have lost nothing.
 
Sunny said:
The question is really too general to answer. What kind of conflict?

Between two kids you are taking care of? Somebody says something out of the blue which you find personally offensive? Somebody just venting about a subject you really don't care that much about?
Somebody abusing another person? Somebody raising another side of an issue which you hadn't thought about before? Somebody acting out a drunken rage? Or what?
Click to expand...
:iagree:

If, as I suspect, the OP is talking about adults (say, on an internet discussion group), there are people who get a thrill out of starting fights, then sit back and innocently enjoy the chaos. I refuse to even acknowledge the existence of people like that. I think they have mental issues. They are called trolls. (Don't feed the trolls)
 
NancyNGA said:
:iagree:

If, as I suspect, the OP is talking about adults (say, on an internet discussion group), there are people who get a thrill out of starting fights, then sit back and innocently enjoy the chaos. I refuse to even acknowledge the existence of people like that. I think they have mental issues. They are called trolls. (Don't feed the trolls)
Click to expand...

I do a "Hide" on them kind of folks now.
 
I have always avoided conflict and still do. Ever since I was young I was never able to hold my own in any discussion, conflict or debate. I never wanted to be top dog but I would have been happy to just hold my own. When something bothers me I keep it bottled up, not good, but I found it easier. These days I'm very mellow. Unless it is earth shattering I use my daughters favorite word, Whatever.
 
Ruth n Jersey said:
I have always avoided conflict and still do. Ever since I was young I was never able to hold my own in any discussion, conflict or debate. I never wanted to be top dog but I would have been happy to just hold my own. When something bothers me I keep it bottled up, not good, but I found it easier. These days I'm very mellow. Unless it is earth shattering I use my daughters favorite word, Whatever.
Click to expand...
This is me as well, I am finding as I get older that I have more of a tendency to try to hold my own, regardless of what everyone else thinks. It's not really working to my advantage, I have recently been called cantankerous..:eek:
 
Sunny said:
The question is really too general to answer. What kind of conflict?

Between two kids you are taking care of? Somebody says something out of the blue which you find personally offensive? Somebody just venting about a subject you really don't care that much about?
Somebody abusing another person? Somebody raising another side of an issue which you hadn't thought about before? Somebody acting out a drunken rage? Or what?
Click to expand...

^^ This. It totally depends on the situation. (Also, my mood at the time. :D)
 
I've decided that the only way to avoid conflict (at least for online forums) is to forget discussion forums and join an online chess playing community. I'm studying chess books and videos and practicing with computer chess.
 
Thank you for the answers. I have sent rep. comments.
 

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