How do you yourself view forgiveness in light of your religious or spiritual beliefs?

RedAlert76 said:
forgiveness does not mean acceptance - least that was what I was taught
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Right. My question wasn't about whether or not I could or should forgive the man, but whether or not I would be stepping on the toes of the victims if I did so publically.

I once heard a Rabbi on the radio say that many Jewish leaders taught that forgiveness belonged to the victims, and the rest of us should stay out of it. In the example I used, I knew that the man had been particularly horrible to one boy he was obsessed with, calling him and stalking him for years after the initial assault. The boy's family really hated the man and when the church body as a whole forgave him I wondered if it made them feel betrayed.

Just as I might say, "Who am I to judge?" I might also say, "Who am I to forgive?" when it wasn't my son who had his teen years and self-esteem ruined.
 
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For myself, I am not automatically moved to forgive certain people, situations
or circumstances. I will say though, and because of my chosen faith, I give it
deeper consideration than I otherwise might.
 

PeppermintPatty said:
To me , forgiveness is for the forgiver. We forgive so we aren’t hanging into bitterness in our hearts. We let go of that anger and bitterness so it doesn’t tarnish our soul. Some things are harder to forgive than others. I go through phases of forgiving my parents for the hell they put me through and when I’m in a good place, it’s easy. When I slide back into ‘feeling sorry for myself,’ it’s much harder. That’s when I know I have work to do.
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Yes, yes. Thank you. Finally. We forgive to let go of our own darkness. Maybe it will make the other person feel better, or not. Forgiveness releases us from our burden. We have no say in how it is received or what it does for others. To offer it as an act of charity to another person is almost narcissistic. They might not even care. Forgiveness is a way of cleansing our own poisoned mind of resentments and ill will.
 
LadyEmeraude said:
For myself, I am not automatically moved to forgive certain people, situations
or circumstances. I will say though, and because of my chosen faith, I give it
deeper consideration than I otherwise might.
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I think this is a good approach. I know a woman who never forgave her parents for treating her very badly. In my opinion she is right. The Bible says "But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also."
(Matthew 5:39). In my opinion this is utterly nonsense. There are red lines.
 
As a person from the Western world - I don't think of it from a religious standpoint. My opinion is infused with the thinking of Christianity, without a belief in a God.
 
Nathan said:
That is a big challenge, and I think that God understands the difficulty in granting that type of forgiveness. One thing that many people overlook is that forgiveness is for the benefit of the 'forgiver', letting go of the hurt or other transgression inflicted upon them by others.

It's always a "plus" to receive a sincere apology, but for those that expect an apology...they may be in for a long wait.
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Nathan is right on. When the forgiver forgives someone, they have to be prepared to let "it" go, but not forgetting. "It" being the reason why the person was forgiving. That is usually the hardest part for the forgiver to get through.
 
Been There said:
Nathan is right on. When the forgiver forgives someone, they have to be prepared to let "it" go, but not forgetting. "It" being the reason why the person was forgiving. That is usually the hardest part for the forgiver to get through.
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I don't think so. I think the difficult part is not when YOU forgive, but the other person does.
 
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OregonGuy said:
Like the late Pope Francis said regarding homosexuality, "who am I to judge?" Us mortals are not able to know if someone's statement of repentance is sincere. So, in the case cited of the child molester asking fellow church members to accept his statement of repentance ... its a good step toward rehabilitation (if in fact child molesters can overcome their sexual addiction) but fellow church members can only pray for God's mercy.
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Maybe the word forgive tries to cover too much territory. How about I have never walked in your shoes, I think I understand your motivation, I don't think you intended harm, you have wounded me beyond consideration or other reactions?
 
spectratg said:
The older I get the more I realize that holding onto resentment, holding "grudges," is just not worth it. As @Babs2u has remarked, "I have never walked in your shoes." Better to forgive and forget, and move on. Life is just too damned short to do otherwise.
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I wish my son would read that. He hasn't spoken to me for nearly 6 years despite repeated apologies and entreaties on my part and a completely changed life. I finally stopped and am leaving him alone.

He's still quite young, just 23. That doesn't make the pain of the estrangement any less excruciating, though. I wish he would forgive me.
 
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I am still trying to figure out what a person's sexual preference has to do with..
Anything. I mean a gay teacher is still a teacher. There are many good actors and actresses who are gay, but it does not affect their job of acting..so why do people insists on asking or telling their sexual preference? Do hertosexual people go around announcing their preference?
:rolleyes:
 
Just wrote my attitude for those that purposely damage important natural features on the Hadrian Tree thread. Features that cannot defend themselves from human cretins with ugly inconsiderate attitudes.
 
If someone does something I don't like, alot, it is hard for me to forgive them. Half the time it is my feelings get hurt and it is because of my likes and what I want. Selfish? I think so. But for me some times it is unforgivable, whatever "it" might be.
 
I appreciate the article, too, particularly the explanation of the difference between resentment and forgiveness.

From the article: "At its heart, letting go of resentment means giving up the hope for a better past. It involves accepting that what happened cannot be changed and recognizing that holding onto anger only prolongs our suffering. Importantly, letting go of resentment does not mean condoning the harmful actions or absolving the other person of responsibility. Rather, it acknowledges that their accountability is beyond our control and that continuing to harbor resentment only harms us."

I agree with all that but I've found it's so much easier said than done. The people who have hurt me most are gone now and I have long since forgiven them in the sense that I know they were unaware of the hurt they caused and meant no harm. I wouldn't even want them to know they caused hurt. But I can't seem to stop myself thinking about the things they said from time to time and feeling bad and a little resentful about it.

Knowing that it's hurting me or making me sick, and not them, doesn't make any real difference to me. I never wanted revenge or to hurt them in any way.
 
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