How long does one grieve after the death of a spouse?

dobielvr said:
A dear dear lady friend of mine passed in 2012 at age 58. Her and her husband were married 35 yrs. High school sweethearts. Never dated anyone else.
He married a year later! It was someone they both knew. He was even looking on dating sites after 6mos.

I asked one of our gfriends why did he marry so fast?, and she replied because he didn't want to be lonely.

So, may be that's part of it. I still shake my head about it though.
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That I understand...the “he didn’t want to be lonely” part. I don’t want my husband to spend the rest of his days lonely. To what end? I’m never coming back and if I go to heaven (as planned 😉,) I’ll be happy as a lark, so why shouldn’t he be too. I don’t look at it as he didn’t love me or cherish what we had. I look at it as he DID
 

tbeltrans said:
It seems to me that it would be nigh impossible to gauge anybody else's length of time to grieve. We don't know their story. If somebody APPEARS to grieve for only a month, maybe there was a long, arduous illness preceding the death and by the time death comes, the caretaker spouse is relieved. Also, relationships vary widely on many levels, and one couple's attitude toward death may be very different from that of another couple.

We each will grieve as we would when the time comes. Let others do likewise.

Tony
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I couldn't agree more with this! Every single situation is different and who are we to tell anyone else how they "should' grieve.
 
Kathleen’s Place said:
That I understand...the “he didn’t want to be lonely” part. I don’t want my husband to spend the rest of his days lonely. To what end? I’m never coming back and if I go to heaven (as planned 😉,) I’ll be happy as a lark, so why shouldn’t he be too. I don’t look at it as he didn’t love me or cherish what we had. I look at it as he DID
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I could also add that I know they discussed these kinds of things between the 2 of them. So, in all fairness, he might have been doing what she had wanted him to do. ❤️

p.s. i could/would never judge another's decisions of the heart...
 
Nathan said:
So hard to say. I've been divorced 3 times, some have said that divorce has a similar impact emotionally on a person as the loss of a loved one. I never disliked or hated my ex-wifes, I'd have to say we just weren't on the same page.
My current wife is very sweet, we are close emotionally. I would have to have a couple years to myself, if I lost her.
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Wow! Not me! I was divorced once. Kicked him out and when he left, I did a happy dance! I could BREATHE again!
Guess it depends on the relationship!
 
Those are all wonderful posts but everyone is different...every marriage is different...every family is different. Sometimes there are simply too many deaths going on in your life and after awhile your tears and emotions are somewhat stifled. I was married for fifty long years before my husband passed. I am Catholic so did not accept the notion of divorce. And, I was pretty well a 'caretaker' for all those years right to his last moment on earth. Then I picked myself up, dusted myself off and did what was necessary and appropriate for a death and carried on with my life. I did not grieve. Sorry but everyone is different.
 
These are all such personal and heartfelt posts. Thank you ALL for sharing your experiences and feelings.
Shedding tears or the length of time you shed tears is not a measure of love.
You can be crying inside, or you can have a great strength of character, bite your lip and carry through things with bravery. I doesn't matter.
You do what you have to do to get through the changes.
Yes, I was shocked when my dentist married another 2 days after burying his wife, but I was wrong. It wasn't my place to judge him.
However one mournes or grieves or lets go of a loved one is their own business! It's a very personal thing!
Bless you all for sharing your feelings with us!
 
Serenity4321 said:
I couldn't agree more with this! Every single situation is different and who are we to tell anyone else how they "should' grieve.
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My sentiments exactly. There are so many factors...different religions...different nationalities...different upbringing...all very big factors. You strive for strength and if you are lucky...you also get acceptance and love.
 
Kathleen’s Place said:
James, so very sorry for your loss. I hope you do find a friend and companionship some day. That, I think, would be a testament to your Angela. Will we ever find true love again? Maybe, maybe not, but you deserve to be happier, andI’m pretty sure Angela would want this for you too. Of course you will always love her...how could you not? But when the time is right, FOR YOU, I hope you find someone...not to relace Angela, but to add to the happiness the two of you once shared 💕
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That id a wonderful way to put it thank you for the kind words
 
Jules said:
My friend had a theory that a husband remarrying within a year was a compliment. It meant he had been happy in their marriage.
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I agree Jules. It makes perfect, common sense. If you had a wonderful, happy marriage then you think positive about the opposite sex & you might want another relationship that is equally good. However, if you married some "good for nothing" then your experience with the opposite sex will not be that good & you certainly would be very scared to enter into another relationship with a "good for nothing."
 
Grief is like the wake behind a boat. It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward. But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate. And after a long enough time, the waters of your life get calm again, and that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the stars above.
 
bowmore said:
Grief is like the wake behind a boat. It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward. But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate. And after a long enough time, the waters of your life get calm again, and that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the stars above.
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Where were you when I really needed to hear this? And yes, your beautiful words are too late. I wish..............................I wish I had realized it sooner.
 
I read somewhere that "grief is love with no place to go" My DH died very suddenly, in December it was his second anniversary. I don't think the grief will ever go away but I am learning to deal with it. We all handle grief differently, there is no right or wrong. Some people cannot handle living alone, who am I to judge? For all those here lucky enough to have a partner I would say, live each day as if its your last, and don't go to bed angry, one never knows what tomorrow might bring.
 


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