How to decline an invitation gracefully

Its almost impossible to please everyone -- I know I don't have to go anywhere I don't want to, especially since I've retired. I don't need approval or to please anyone -- I tried that and it doesn't work anyway. Being compliant and passive about it, and even lying sometimes takes its toll on our self esteem and self-respect. If I don't want to go, I usually have a good reason, not feeling up to it, or busy doing something else or not interested. Why not just be honest and true to yourself and say nicely, 'Sorry, I'm busy, or not up to it, or don't like that restaurant, or whatever.....without guilt." This isn't Edwardian England. We are free and we don't have a 'duty' to perform social functions. Visiting a sick friend is different, or going to your mother's for lunch, but letting a whole family or group coerce you into their agenda? No way. Backbone, backbone!
 

Do your best to not let it bother you. Never feel pressured to commit, and never feel pressured to tell everyone everything.
Tell them all something outlandish and see how they run with it :)
Nothing more fun then giving some people something crazy to talk about ;)
 

Falcon said:
Lady? She's no lady and doesn't deserve to be called one. AprilSun.
Click to expand...
I agree! I hope she made herself look as bad to them as she did to me by telling them I didn't want to go. I never thought she would stoop that low and in my book, that was low and inconsiderate of her. She could have just said, No, she didn't come today. She didn't have to give a reason!

fishfulthinking said:
Do your best to not let it bother you. Never feel pressured to commit, and never feel pressured to tell everyone everything.
Tell them all something outlandish and see how they run with it :)
Nothing more fun then giving some people something crazy to talk about ;)
Click to expand...

It just bothers me that she would do that to them! But, as I said, maybe she made herself look bad instead of me. She is known for this type of behavior if I don't do as "she thinks you should". I think that is what makes her do this stuff is because when she says "jump" I don't ask "how high" and then jump. I have told her before, "I don't have to do what you say and I'm not going to! You're not my Mama!!!!!!" But, of course I didn't mind my Mama too good but I did a lot better with her than I do with this one. I will eventually "sleep this off" but before I do, I will stew about it for a while. That's just the way I am but I'm going to fix her the next time. :mad: I hope I haven't let off too much steam to you. I'm the type of person that has to vent when something happens. Thanks for letting me vent.
 
Shalimar said:
You are welcome AprilSun. Fishful, you are so right. Venting is a great pressure release, a good way of cleansing our minds, I also use venting as a way to process things as I speak.
Click to expand...

Venting always helps me, too. I do get riled up when someone is trying to push me around, which includes trying to coerce me into doing something I don't want to do or go somewhere I don't want to go. I don't understand why some people just can't accept a simple "no."
 
hossthehermit said:
No one invites me anywhere, anymore .............. they have learned
Click to expand...

Part of me wishes they would learn about me but then the other part tells me I WOULD be lonesome then if they quit asking. I don't know which would be worse, them not asking at all or trying to come up with an excuse when I don't want to go. Either one sounds like a "No win situation". :(
 
AprilSun said:
Part of me wishes they would learn about me but then the other part tells me I WOULD be lonesome then if they quit asking. I don't know which would be worse, them not asking at all or trying to come up with an excuse when I don't want to go. Either one sounds like a "No win situation". :(
Click to expand...

Well, for me, it would be nice if they would ask, but really meant "would you like to come?" instead of "we're going to try to guilt and/or harass you into coming, and "we're not going to take 'no' for an answer."
 
Butterfly said:
Well, for me, it would be nice if they would ask, but really meant "would you like to come?" instead of "we're going to try to guilt and/or harass you into coming, and "we're not going to take 'no' for an answer."
Click to expand...

Now if it worked like that, yes, I would rather they ask but my family doesn't work that way. It's not that easy with them to get out of an invitation.
 
AprilSun said:
Now if it worked like that, yes, I would rather they ask but my family doesn't work that way. It's not that easy with them to get out of an invitation.
Click to expand...

Me either. They are double damned determined you are going to do your social duty and come whether you like it or not! I hate that!

And it's not that they pay any attention at all except when they want you to come and fill a chair. And it's all what I call shirt-tail relatives and I don't even LIKE most of them.
 
Butterfly said:
Me either. They are double damned determined you are going to do your social duty and come whether you like it or not! I hate that!

And it's not that they pay any attention at all except when they want you to come and fill a chair. And it's all what I call shirt-tail relatives and I don't even LIKE most of them.
Click to expand...

I hate that too! I don't want anyone trying to "wear my britches" but me. And in my family, there is this one that tries to tell everyone what to do and when we don't, oh boy here comes the questions!!!!!! I mean unreasonable questions too! I still don't do it though. She might get away with telling everyone else what to do but I'm not going to do it!!!!! She's not ordering me around and I think that's what she doesn't like, the fact that I don't buckle!!!!! Too bad..........
 
I've even been accused of being a hermit! I am not a hermit, but I do not go to things I don't want to go to just for the sake of going somewhere! If that makes me a hermit, then I guess I am a hermit, and glad of it.
 
Butterfly said:
I've even been accused of being a hermit! I am not a hermit, but I do not go to things I don't want to go to just for the sake of going somewhere! If that makes me a hermit, then I guess I am a hermit, and glad of it.
Click to expand...

Well, I AM a hermit, by choice and design, and my wife is as well. While many of the historic hermits actually lived in a grotto, never speaking to anyone for the term of their contract with the lord of the manor, and the religious ones who were on some sort of quest for whatever, most hermits do in fact interact with society to a certain degree. Personally, I feel that a true hermit is free to live within his/her definition of "hermitudeness" ....... if one worries about the opinions of others, they are not truly one of us
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top