How to influence the way other people see you

Sounds intriguing, Merlin. I'll bookmark the Amazon site and later see if it turns up in my public library. It would certainly be nice to be understood, or at least have people understand what I would like them to. I doubt if anyone really understands anyone, there's so much guesswork involved in reading people based on our own associations and experiences.
 
It does sound interesting. On the other hand 80 is a pretty late age to start succeeding in an area I've been where I've been failing for so many years. Wouldn't want to tarnish my miserable record.
 

Just read the first link Merlin and I think that some of the issues mentioned are exactly why I prefer online communication to in person. I feel like I can more easily choose my words, make corrections to clarify, etc., and so I'm less likely to 'say it the wrong way'. Here's an example of a time when I blew it totally by accident:

I was looking for a barn to board my horses at and as I stood beside the owner of the property beside a fenced in smallish pasture, I was asking if my girls would have access to it a couple days a week. As I stood there beside a man who's girth was almost the same as his height (short man, very obese) I made the comment to him that 'I'd like them to be able to get a little exercise so that they didn't get fat'. The minute the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to yank them back in.....but instead had to just soldier on as though I hadn't said it! So embarrassed! All I could think was 'what an idiot I am'! If I'd been writing, I'd have gotten the point across a lot differently. Definitely an instance when the other persons perception of me was probably very different from what kind of person I really am.

So I guess there are those obvious moments when our hearer might not understand us in the way we mean them to and then there are the subtler instances where people are getting a different impression based on what we're saying/doing at any given moment. Which might explain why so many aren't comfortable with face to face contact. Fear of being misunderstood or worse, wondering if you're boring the other person to death but they're too nice to just turn around and walk away from you.

And Josiah, I feel your discomfort but hopefully you've also come to a point where you can adopt the attitude of 'who the hell cares what they think, this is who I am'. I think I'm finally getting there.
 
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Yes an interesting story Debby, and a place I think most of us have been at some time in our lives, like the one where you ask an obese woman when the baby is due :eek:

Its like I wrote somewhere else about all these subliminal messages that we give and receive when physically with some one, it can directly effect what we say and how we behave, often out of character.

I agree the internet is much easier and though we can all misinterpret the written word, at least we can clear it up with the grace of time and thought, which is denied if present in person.
 
And then there's the other side of that story where no matter how you word it or rephrase it numerous times or demonstrate it, people continue to apply their personal perspective because your narrative doesn't suit their agenda. I guess all we can do is to do our best and hope for the best!
 
Debby said:
And then there's the other side of that story where no matter how you word it or rephrase it numerous times or demonstrate it, people continue to apply their personal perspective because your narrative doesn't suit their agenda. I guess all we can do is to do our best and hope for the best!
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Yes Debby it reminds me of the old saying "don't dig yourself into a deeper hole" !!
 

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