Ruth n Jersey
Well-known Member
- Location
- Northern New Jersey
A little background. Dear friends are now in a nursing home. They came to our home for family gatherings,holidays etc. In later years they had financial problems and health issues,one began to drink. Some people say their problems were due to poor choices. I don't past judgement and am not so sure how I would have ended up if I had been in their shoes.
In later years we weren't invited to their home. I never minded. We had a great time when they visited. They had to move to a mobile home for financial reasons. The little family they had deserted them.
Soon after they entered a nursing home which was right from the hospital, with no time to go back to their home, my friend called and asked if we would go and get a few valuables and items she really wanted. Photo albums,etc.
Hubby and I went to their home. When we entered it was a hoarders home. We had no idea. Trash,food, clothing all over. The smell was over powering. There were many unopened boxes of items she bought. I guess she also was a compulsive buyer.
She told us to take whatever we wanted. Most items were destroyed by cats they had and smelled of cat urine. I took a few items for myself and told her what I took. She was happy about that. She made no mention of what the place was like. I didn't either.
Here is my problem. We also took a few things which I sold online. The first time I visited her I gave her the money. About $100.00. I kept nothing and told her it came from her items I had sold. She actually wanted me to keep the money but I didn't.
As the weeks went on we had phone conversations and because she has internet access, she told me she has been buying stuff on Amazon.
She soon will be on medicaid and probably won't have the smart phone for much longer. They only give them $45.00 a month spending money. All the rest goes to the nursing home and medical expenses..
She says she might as well buy now because soon she won't be able to. I now have about $200.00 more from items I sold. I have decided to not give it to her but spend it on her for items she might enjoy later on. Just last month I bought her fresh cherries that she loves. I don't want to tell her it is her money because she might want it now. She has a habit of gifting people money and even sent various organizations money.
Some family members say I should give it to her because it is hers to do with what she likes. A few tell me to keep the money for myself. This I refuse to do.
What would you do? Am I doing the right thing?
In later years we weren't invited to their home. I never minded. We had a great time when they visited. They had to move to a mobile home for financial reasons. The little family they had deserted them.
Soon after they entered a nursing home which was right from the hospital, with no time to go back to their home, my friend called and asked if we would go and get a few valuables and items she really wanted. Photo albums,etc.
Hubby and I went to their home. When we entered it was a hoarders home. We had no idea. Trash,food, clothing all over. The smell was over powering. There were many unopened boxes of items she bought. I guess she also was a compulsive buyer.
She told us to take whatever we wanted. Most items were destroyed by cats they had and smelled of cat urine. I took a few items for myself and told her what I took. She was happy about that. She made no mention of what the place was like. I didn't either.
Here is my problem. We also took a few things which I sold online. The first time I visited her I gave her the money. About $100.00. I kept nothing and told her it came from her items I had sold. She actually wanted me to keep the money but I didn't.
As the weeks went on we had phone conversations and because she has internet access, she told me she has been buying stuff on Amazon.
She soon will be on medicaid and probably won't have the smart phone for much longer. They only give them $45.00 a month spending money. All the rest goes to the nursing home and medical expenses..
She says she might as well buy now because soon she won't be able to. I now have about $200.00 more from items I sold. I have decided to not give it to her but spend it on her for items she might enjoy later on. Just last month I bought her fresh cherries that she loves. I don't want to tell her it is her money because she might want it now. She has a habit of gifting people money and even sent various organizations money.
Some family members say I should give it to her because it is hers to do with what she likes. A few tell me to keep the money for myself. This I refuse to do.
What would you do? Am I doing the right thing?
