Husband Wants To Name Their Unborn Daughter After His Deceased Wife

I wouldn't care about naming the child after the deceased wife, but having the wife's photos all over the house is very disrespectful to the new wife.
I was in a similar situation - in reverse.
My ex wife's first husband died at 31. After we got married, she frequently complained about things he did around the house that I couldn't do. She'd say, "Rick always took care of this," or "Rick always fixed this." I tried to be understanding, so I didn't say anything - for several months, then I really blew up at her after hearing it over & over when I'd had enough.
I told her, "I'm going to Home Depot."
She said, "Why?"
I said, "To buy a shovel."
She said, "What for?"
I said, "So you can dig Rick up & have him do the home repairs I can't do."
 

I've been deeply in love a number of times. One of them died in my presence. It ripped me up at time time. I worked on overcoming it. I became better person because of it. I cherish the memories. They are part of who I am/have become. But they are tucked away in their proper place alongside the memories of my parents. I have moved on.
win231 said:
I wouldn't care about naming the child after the deceased wife, but having the wife's photos all over the house is very disrespectful to the new wife.
I was in a similar situation - in reverse.
My ex wife's first husband died at 31. After we got married, she frequently complained about things he did around the house that I couldn't do. She'd say, "Rick always took care of this," or "Rick always fixed this." I tried to be understanding, so I didn't say anything - for several months, then I really blew up at her after hearing it over & over when I'd had enough.
I told her, "I'm going to Home Depot."
She said, "Why?"
I said, "To buy a shovel."
She said, "What for?"
I said, "So you can dig Rick up & have him do the home repairs I can't do."
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So since you call her your ex-wife, I assume you got a divorce. It's completely understandable. Plus the fact that she shouldn't have expected you to do the repairs anyway. Just because you were the guy, that does not automatically mean you have to do them. She could have done them herself. Expectations kill relationships.
 
Pecos said:
This guy is nuts, pure and simple. His family is also nuts for encouraging this nonsense. When I told my wife about this situation she asked if we were standing at the checkout counter reading the headlines of one of those crackpot news rags.

Two things are certain: that marriage should never have happened, and there is no shortage of crazy people these days.
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Crazy seems to be the new norm.
 

Phoenix said:
I've been deeply in love a number of times. One of them died in my presence. It ripped me up at time time. I worked on overcoming it. I became better person because of it. I cherish the memories. They are part of who I am/have become. But they are tucked away in their proper place alongside the memories of my parents. I have moved on.

So since you call her your ex-wife, I assume you got a divorce. It's completely understandable. Plus the fact that she shouldn't have expected you to do the repairs anyway. Just because you were the guy, that does not automatically mean you have to do them. She could have done them herself. Expectations kill relationships.
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Some of the repairs were things that required a professional. And some were needed due to failed attempts by her deceased husband to do them to save money. They were not things a woman or a non-professional man could do - like plumbing. Most ended up costing more than hiring a professional in the first place. She was very penny wise & dollar foolish.
 
StarSong said:
This could just as easily have happened 50 years ago.

If I'd somehow made this marital mistake I'd rectify it in a hurry by either demanding he receive counseling tout de suite, or moving out.

@Butterfly hit the nail on the head. This is a "menage a trois with one of the participants a dead woman."
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You're right, no generation is exempt, but compared to yesteryear, I see today's generation as chronic.

More people tying themselves down before they're ready, both from a maturity standpoint (lack thereof), as well as jumping in too fast.
 
Rosemarie said:
It's possible that she thought a baby would represent a new start and bring them closer together.
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Sadly, that happens all too often.

Baby = togetherness, or, I'm going to leave unless we have a baby/children.

Either way it's a weak and diluted way to enter into a relationship.
 
I feel sorry for the second wife. I understand the husband still loving his dead wife, after all, they were married and he loved her. But I don't think he should want to name the new baby after her.
It reminds me of when one of my cousins passed away. Her husband remarried and when they went to visit my Aunt with his 3 children from his marriage to my cousin the new wife was insulted that my Aunt still had her deceased daughter's wedding picture there.. She told her husband she would never go back there unless my Aunt took down the picture.
My cousin's husband divorced the new wife shortly after that.
 
win231 said:
I wouldn't care about naming the child after the deceased wife, but having the wife's photos all over the house is very disrespectful to the new wife.
I was in a similar situation - in reverse.
My ex wife's first husband died at 31. After we got married, she frequently complained about things he did around the house that I couldn't do. She'd say, "Rick always took care of this," or "Rick always fixed this." I tried to be understanding, so I didn't say anything - for several months, then I really blew up at her after hearing it over & over when I'd had enough.
I told her, "I'm going to Home Depot."
She said, "Why?"
I said, "To buy a shovel."
She said, "What for?"
I said, "So you can dig Rick up & have him do the home repairs I can't do."
Click to expand...
I agree with you, (once again), so far as not being too bothered about the name business, though I accept it can be a bit fraught without any complications just finding a name both o you like enough.
I agree too about the need to avoid having photos of old or even late partners around, and your response to your then missus!
 
Aunt Marg said:
You're right, no generation is exempt, but compared to yesteryear, I see today's generation as chronic.

More people tying themselves down before they're ready, both from a maturity standpoint (lack thereof), as well as jumping in too fast.
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People were never ready. Girls were married off at fourteen...before good birth control was available.
 
Phoenix said:
People were never ready. Girls were married off at fourteen...before good birth control was available.
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Some did, certainly, but many didn't.

In and around my parents generation, people got married (typically) between the age of 19 to 21, and often a baby or two was already in the picture by then.

Times were different though, for women stayed home, and their mothers had stayed home, too, and IMO, more family assistance and support was present back in the day compared to today, and call me old-fashioned, but I like to think marriages and relationships actually stood for something back in the day, unlike today, where the instant someone get's their little nose out of joint or times get tough, the marriage dissolves, because it's "too hard", boo-hoo.

People stuck it out back in the day, and sure, there were vast numbers of couples who weren't happy together, but for the sake of the children, they made do, today, not so. Single parenting has become like an epidemic, and women don't just have one child from one father or man, they have multiple children from multiple men.

Reeling-in my tongue now.
 
Tish said:
I see a whole heap of problems coming out of this, and my heart goes out to this woman.
IMHO he is being very callous and selfish.
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Now and again I try to enquire whether there might be differing opinions on whatever subject based upon whether a woman or a man is answering the question?
I got in hot water myself with a mates wife, by looking in her bathroom cupboards for a spare razor without asking first, and all the women I asked condemned me, whilst the men were not fazed, (luckily all forgotten now!).
 
Aunt Marg said:
Some did, certainly, but many didn't.

In and around my parents generation, people got married (typically) between the age of 19 to 21, and often a baby or two was already in the picture by then.

Times were different though, for women stayed home, and their mothers had stayed home, too, and IMO, more family assistance and support was present back in the day compared to today, and call me old-fashioned, but I like to think marriages and relationships actually stood for something back in the day, unlike today, where the instant someone get's their little nose out of joint or times get tough, the marriage dissolves, because it's "too hard", boo-hoo.

People stuck it out back in the day, and sure, there were vast numbers of couples who weren't happy together, but for the sake of the children, they made do, today, not so. Single parenting has become like an epidemic, and women don't just have one child from one father or man, they have multiple children from multiple men.

Reeling-in my tongue now.
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I was talking about prior to the age of your parents and mine. My parents were born in 1913 and 1918. People sticking it out was not a good thing. It taught people including the kids to put up with being abused and treated badly. Men have been fooling around willy-nilly for a very long time. My grandmother stuck it out with my grandfather...all the while he was fooling around and created a baby with another woman. The fighting between him and my grandmother was awful. Mom grew up with that. It was not a good environment. Another one of my grandmothers was abused, had to run away and died in the process. Let's not forget how it really was. It's easy to romanticize the good old days. But like my dad always said, "There were no good old days." It's better to leave a jerk than stay and be abused. At least now women have economic options. They didn't before, so they had to stay and be abused.
 
Phoenix said:
I was talking about prior to the age of your parents and mine. My parents were born in 1913 and 1918. People sticking it out was not a good thing. It taught people including the kids to put up with being abused and treated badly. Men have been fooling around willy-nilly for a very long time. My grandmother stuck it out with my grandfather...all the while he was fooling around and created a baby with another woman. The fighting between him and my grandmother was awful. Mom grew up with that. It was not a good environment. Another one of my grandmothers was abused, had to run away and died in the process. Let's not forget how it really was. It's easy to romanticize the good old days. But like my dad always said, "There were no good old days." It's better to leave a jerk than stay and be abused. At least now women have economic options. They didn't before, so they had to stay and be abused.
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There is so much truth in all you say, and yet throughout all human history, somehow successful lifetime relationships (or marriages) occurred, and their endurance improved the chances any children produced might not starve, and be cared for by people without much but subsitance wages, or whatever the could grow or catch to live on.
 
Rosemarie said:
It's possible that she thought a baby would represent a new start and bring them closer together.
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IMHO, a baby whom the husband insists bear the deceased wife's name doesn't represent a new start. It represents his inability to let the old wife go, and disrespects the new wife in the process. If he wanted to hang onto the deceased wife so tightly, he should not have remarried.

I'd tell him to take a flying leap.
 
Blah I put up with this kind of BS for a while in my marriage. The wife wasn't dead either. She was the ex, and briefly felt she could dictate how things were going to be. She had the backing of her family and the in-laws too. My husband had the spine of a jellyfish. I just stood firm and told them no. They were stupid people who weren't happy unless there was some kind of conflict brewing. I defended my territory. It wasn't hard for me because I didn't give a crap about how anyone felt.
 
Phoenix said:
I'm so sorry for your loss. I will say that I disagree about getting rid of the pictures of the deceased wife. She's part of the person's past. But they should be kept in a box with those of one's parents and grand parents.

I would divorce this husband. He does not love or respect her.
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I agree about those photos. I have sadly removed all mine but I have thousands & thousands of our photos on DVDs. We used to travel all over the place (Mexico, US, Europe, Africa) & had a wonderful life. I don't think any woman wants a dead wife looking at her as she moves from room to room. LOL
 
Packerjohn said:
I agree about those photos. I have sadly removed all mine but I have thousands & thousands of our photos on DVDs. We used to travel all over the place (Mexico, US, Europe, Africa) & had a wonderful life. I don't think any woman wants a dead wife looking at her as she moves from room to room. LOL
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My condolences on the loss of your beloved wife Packerjohn. May she R.I.P. It seems like you have and are dealing with the grief process quite well. I agree with your assessment of this situation too.
 
grahamg said:
Now and again I try to enquire whether there might be differing opinions on whatever subject based upon whether a woman or a man is answering the question?
I got in hot water myself with a mates wife, by looking in her bathroom cupboards for a spare razor without asking first, and all the women I asked condemned me, whilst the men were not fazed, (luckily all forgotten now!).
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Ooooh that is a no no LOL
 
Packerjohn said:
I agree about those photos. I have sadly removed all mine but I have thousands & thousands of our photos on DVDs. We used to travel all over the place (Mexico, US, Europe, Africa) & had a wonderful life. I don't think any woman wants a dead wife looking at her as she moves from room to room. LOL
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As far as keeping the pictures hanging, I think that needs to come along as the person is ready to let go. But keeping them up when a new wife is in the picture is cruel to the new wife.
 

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