I am NEW to this forum, and feeling depressed, and lonely.

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bekki53

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Hello everyone! I am new to this site, and I really would like some positive feedback. I really could "use" a positive word right about now. I work at job that I don't like, but I must work. I am supporting myself. This really gets old at times. I have two sons who live out of the area, and I have few friends.

The ONLY person that cares about me is my dear 90 year young .. Mom. she is truly wonderful. I know that I will not have her with me forever, and that only depresses me more!! I visit her three times a week, and help her with her housework and take her to doctor appointments. She is my only social life and my best friend. Someday, when she leaves this life, I don't know what I am going to do. Any words of encouragement? She needs me. I need her.

And sometimes, I wish that I could meet someone special. But I work every weekend, so this would be difficult for me. (this is why I don't like my job!) Jobs are hard to come by when you are 61 years old! Thank you for reading this!
 

Hello, Bekki. Thank you for sharing. I'm sure someone will be able to offer you some positive thoughts that may help you.

I have but little to offer but some thoughts do come to mind. My husband suffered from depression years ago and I have walked the same path with my mother that you are on with yours.

The first is to live in the present rather than in some dreaded future or even in some wished-for one. The future has it's genesis in today. Look at your current positives and make the most of them. Most especially, make the most of your time with your mother. When you take her to a doctor's appointment try to add a trip to the coffee shop or lunch at a café. I did this with my mum and these memories give me much pleasure still and she has been gone ten years now.

Don't give up your job because you need it. Is there someone there who would be someone you could confide in, someone to talk to? If there is don't bottle up your troubles. You will need someone to understand. Make sure your supervisor understands too. You've opened up to strangers on this forum. You can do the same with friends, neighbours and co-workers too if you have confidence in their goodwill.

You have mentioned your sons but no other family. Without sounding needy, make sure they know how your life is going using any communication medium that works for you. Take a short trip and visit once in a while and/or invite them to visit you and their grandmother before she goes too far downhill. Strengthen your connections now because when your mother finally passes you will experience great emptiness and it will then be much harder.

Finally, depression doesn't just go away. See a doctor, take advice and/or medications and allow yourself to be monitored as you climb your way out of the pit. It doesn't happen overnight but it is great when the weight lifts from your heart.

Not knowing you at all, I may have just wasted my time offering inappropriate advice, but even if just one idea helps you to see the sunlight then we have both done something worthwhile today.

You'll find new friends here who will wish you, as I do, better todays and brighter tomorrows. Don't be afraid to talk it out as much as you need to.
 
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Hello Bekki, good advice [above]and you will make friends on here . There is no substitute for meeting real [in the flesh] people though, so the other thing to do is join a 'circle' or group of some kind, book, sewing, whatever takes your interest really.You are lucky to still have your mother, mine died when I was in my 20's, but yes, you are right, she won't be here forever, so you need other people in your life as soon as possible. Never give up hope.:)
 

Don't give up!
ranting on here is a good start....now go and try something, even if occasionally.....yoga, a gym, knitting.....
 
Hi Bekki...welcome to the forum, you've received some very good advice, I'd just like to add that you have to work at making a better life for yourself, you've made a good start by joining our forum, there are many on here, including myself that understand what you are going through, just continue making contact with others, good luck....many hugs to you.
 
Any outside interest will have organizations and clubs where you will probably meet kindred spirits. You are still young enough to try new things or renew old ones...
 
Welcome to the forum Bekki , and like others have said you have made the first positive move by coming on a forum..and the advice you are given here
I am sure will help I can add no more than Warrigal has posted , her post is what I would have liked to have said to you .. make contact with lots of folks..
clubs,, etc all who will help you feel wanted and can help you.. best of luck and keep on posting here .. :)
 
A very warm welcome to the forum, dear Bekki.

So sorry to hear you're sad and lonely.... There are quite a few dating/friendship sites for seniors. Why not join one? You never know ...
There are a myriad of cluubs and classes you could sign up for to meet new people and make friends.

I hope you find a brighter day.
 
Hello Bekki, welcome to the forum, nice to have you with us! :wave: It's very kind of you to take such good care of your mother, like so many others here, I no longer have mine. Good advice from Warrigal to live in the moment, and make the best of your days with your mom while you have her, once she passes, you will be rewarded with warmth from within, knowing you made her last years as comfortable as possible.

I know it's hard to have any time for yourself while working long hours, and caring for family. Things change with time though, I suggest you just think more positively about what you're going through right now. Attitude is everything, and that is easily changed from within if desired. Think positive, don't get into depressing daily ruts, change things up a bit. You'll be surprised what a big difference a few changes can make. Hang in there, you have some cyber friends now who really do care. :love_heart:
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Friends come come many places you may feel low now but have you tried a pet eg cat dog you sound if you are a hard worker .Try joining a club or go out for a walk with a dog by your side it's serpriseing how many people you meet .
 
Hello Bekki, :wave: You've made a good start by reaching out. Some might call us cyber friends, but we are all real people with real problems, ideas, and feelings, just like you.
My son saw that I was in a deep depression, so he researched and found this forum for me, he signed me up before telling me about it. He got me to promise to sign in every day, and so far I have, bad days and good ones. I joined in January, and I was depressed and lonely just as you are now.
I lost my son less than a month later. Other than my hubby, this forum was my only means of interaction with caring folks. They used a lot of patients with my self absorbed pain, and helped me want to stay alive.
So start here, and as opportunities come your way, check them out and add the ones that will fit your lifestyle.
By the way, I'm Ina, and I live in Texas. I can always use another friend. :welcome:
 
Hello bekki, and welcome to the forum. Working week-ends can take the wind out of your sails, but sunny days come in the middle of the week as well. You are blessed to have a job, and Family. We are a mixed bunch here, and you will be welcomed by many to share your thoughts. You sound like you are a friendly person, and we are grateful you chose to join our forum. It is good that you and your Mom are close! Thanks for sharing. :)
 
Hi Bekki! My son also signed me up for this site as well as www.Meetup.com when he noticed my depression. He also took me to sign up for the YMCA. Well, I find this site the best of all three. The people here are kind and compassionate, friendly and funny. Before signing on today, I was thinking about younger days. Elementary school days when you could just go up to someone and ask them to be your friend. My mother is also 90 and lives in another state, but we facetime at least twice a day. I have one son who works 2 jobs and really is busy with his son on his time off. I have always liked a challenge. Lately, my challenge is to do something productive every day, go the the YMCA 3 days a week and signing on here every day. I pray for a good friend to hang out with, but right now, I'm trying to love myself and be content with alone. I believe you'll make it over this period. Anti depressants help me for the most part.
 
Hi Bekki, some great advice has been offered. I agree with Warrigal. Are you able to get to see your sons during the week? I feel they should have some input in to your life.
Take care.
 
Welcome Bekki!
I know old habits are hard to break, but I hope you'll force yourself to be just a little more outgoing and make some friends. Someone just to go shopping with or a lunch now and then. And DO see your doctor!

Perhaps some volunteer work of some kind, maybe once a month would be helpful?
 
So Bekki, is working weekends the ONLY reason why =you don't like your job?

Or is it the job itself?
 
Welcome from another new member. I was close to your age when I figured out that what I thought was stress was really depression...something most guys have a hard time grasping. Your past that stage which gives you a chance to figure out what is going to work for you. A few things that helped me include: My health care provider was able to set me up with a counselor--not a shrink-- but a wonderful nurse practitioner who specializes in depression. I'm not a pill popper but did find relief with Zoloft. There are medications that if your health provider feels could help you might want to try. Another thing I found was that the fact that I slept poorly was not normal and did contribute to my overall emotional state. On this I caution against sleeping pills...they were really bad for me but then my primary provider suggested I have a sleep study done and it indicated sleep apnea which can be treated without pills. I read a lot and searched the net for info and books--get them cheap/used on Amazon. One you might even find in your library is 'Emotional Freedom" by Judith Orloff. Even though I am Christian I got a lot from the Dali Lama's books 'The art of happiness' and 'Live in a better way'. Also try to keep physically fit. I started going to the "Y" for group swim which was also became a social outlet. Also....Not easy but try to "fake it til you make it"...good luck.
 
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From another newbie. But where are you? Are you OK? Depression has a way of creeping up on us doesn't it and the best way to cope is to talk about it. But when you are really down, you just don't have the energy to do anything about it do you, so you get more down and its a vicious circle which we have to break. If you don't want to se a doctor just yet, give the Samaritans a ring. I used to be one, many years ago, and we weren't there just for the suicidal we were there for everyone including the depressed and lonely. You can talk on the phone (number in the phone book) and if funds are a bit short and you don't want to run up a bill, they can ring you back. They will disclose nothing you tell them, to anyone and if you want you can call in for a cup of coffee and a biscuit. Please think about it
 
Bekki. I too have suffered from depression often in my life. Don't be too proud to seek help. Anti-depressants can be a life saver, but often just getting into a group meeting with other people like yourself can be helpful too. By nature, I'm an introvert. I prefer to stay home, watch tv, play my guitar and play computer games. But I got into a classic rock band, and now I'm also going out to clubs singing karaoke on occasion. It's not really hard to meet people if you go where they are.

I saw two very good suggestions here...volunteering part time and joining some kind of club. Rotary, Moose lodge, or some other kind of social group would be good. You could participate in a lot of the ladies-sponsored projects they do. The very last thing you want to do is lock yourself up at home in your cave. That just makes it worse, because we are social creatures. We're not built to be hermits.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but if you don't have many friends, it's because you haven't sought them out. They're not going to come to your door looking for you.
I was raised in a Navy family which means I moved every two years of my childhood. I never made long term friends because I wasn't going to be there. Consequently, I find it hard to get close to people for fear that the relationship will go away.

I don't have a lot of friends either, but the ones I have I trust with my life. You don't need a lot of friends, just one or two good ones. Please don't get caught up in this modern, "you're nobody unless you have a huge friends list on Facebook" syndrome. Friends aren't faces on a computer. They are people you can be with who accept you for who you are, warts and all.

This modern world is designed to keep us from interacting face to face with people. but that's the only way to defeat loneliness and despair. Get out and do something.
Meet people. You'd be surprised how many people just like to meet other people and maybe you might make a good friend in the process.
 
Hello Bekki,
I am not in your circumstances but can understand, I feel that way alot of days. My hubby is a workalcholic and if he isn't busy outside he is parked in front of the TV or Computer. He is the silent type and since we are together all the time, he can't drive now due to passing out spells, lots of time conversation begins and ends with what do you want for dinner. Unless a buddy stops by to talk flowers, woodwork or golf. Or if someone calls wanting his help. My kids are busy at work and with their kids, but I know they care, but that doesn't pass time. I have been hunting for someone to just go to lunch with, go shopping or something. But while I have many acquantances at church no one seems to have time outside of church to socialize. Wish you lived here we would be out every day burning the tires off the car. Hubby is also a stay-at-home person. I am going to start volunteering at the hospital and will let you know how that goes. Why don't you try some volunteering if you can find time also. Then we can compare notes. I know I seem to be down on hubby but I just wish we had more in common after 48 years.
 

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