I am praying if anything happen to my hubby I can keep my house...

L

Ladybj

Live, Laugh and Love
Location
Somewhere in the USA
I do not plan on downsizing and moving into a senior community because some of them are more expensive than my mortgage. We recently purchased this home (july 2019) and I consider it my retirement home. I have 4 bedrms, so if need be, I will consider a roommate. However I will be VERY selective. With a house, there are added expenditures, keeping the grass cut, changing filters, etc. Hubby takes care of those things so I may have to look to get a male roommate. I may also consider a female roommate. Just something for me to think about. Any suggestions? I am a think ahead type person. I have do doubt it will work out for me to be able to stay and enjoy my home until...
 

I wonder about that also. My hubby is in good health but is 7 years older than I am. Right now my son lives nearby and really does a lot of maintenance on the house.

I really don't want to depend on him should my hubby pass before me and I'm not sure I can afford to live here.

I don't want to go into an apartment or senior living area. I'm not a joiner,like my privacy and certainly don't want anyone living with me in my existing home.

My daughter will help me as well but they travel so much and don't stay in one spot for very long.

I have no answers so I try not to dwell on it. Time will tell.
 
Time will tell indeed ladies, a friend of mine, had similar thoughts as her husband was 10 years older she was sure he would go first, then she passed away in her sixties while he is still in robust good health, unless your husband’s are ailing I would try not to spend too much time worrying about it, enjoy the time you both have left together and, as Ruth says, don’t dwell on it, none of us know what the future has in store for us.......
 

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I know you said you don’t want to downsize, but would you really need or want a 4 bedroom house for one person? and especially with a mortgage? if you like thinking ahead.......
could you sell the house and buy a nice condo and eliminate your mortgage? It would also eliminate maintenance hassles like mowing, exterior maintenance etc. and most of all....worries.
 
Floridatennisplayer said:
I know you said you don’t want to downsize, but would you really need or want a 4 bedroom house for one person? and especially with a mortgage? if you like thinking ahead.......
could you sell the house and buy a nice condo and eliminate your mortgage? It would also eliminate maintenance hassles like mowing, exterior maintenance etc. and most of all....worries.
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We've considered condos, but the HOA fees are highway robbery, plain and simple, and they will ALWAYS go up, each year, little doubt about it. If I could find an HOA contract that locks in the HOA cash grab for twenty years at a time, I might consider it. Yeah, i know, expenses go up for everything. Even so, when you consider the amount of units in a condo, the monthly cash grabs, and what's being done/not done with the same, there's no way it's a fair deal.
 
I had no choice to consider options as my Hubby died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2015 aged 75. Im still in my home which in practical terms too big but can manage it in financial and pratical terms. If I cant manage then will have to consider a change so until then love my what is my sanctuary.

Just take things as they come along LadyBJ. Too much speculating may not be a good thing but no harm in thinking forward wise. Enjoy your Hubby and your life as much as possibke but I do understand and empathise you have lost loved ones and grieving. Take care and a hug
 
Something I think we all think about, perhaps too much ? But on the other hand, [as they say].....we probably should plan ahead better?

My concern is....everything is going along [ok] ? well what we've come to live with on a day to day basis anyway. Then suddenly we are dialing 911 , or someone else has done it for us. Depending on state laws , hospital rules,etc. We can/I could....become a ward of the state basically . I mean in too many cases the hospital becomes responsible for you, and to cover their asses , they decide where you go. And....if the situation is at all severe , it won't be go home.

At that time, strangers start making decisions for you......and in my opinion, it's all down hill from there.

One reason why I keep my gun handy.

Perhaps the best advise has already been given....try not to overthink it.
 
Ladybj, I think it is important to think ahead too. My husband just turned 70 while I'm "only" 59. Lifelong health problems have caught up with him, and he can no longer do a lot of things like house maintenance. I do as much as I can like trimming the landscaping and cleaning the gutters, but other things we now hire out. Paying $100 a month to have the half-acre lawn cut 10 months of the year (we're in Florida) is worth it to us. It's much cheaper than we would pay monthly to a HOA that does it for you.

I realize it seems more likely that I will outlive him, but none of us know how things will work out. I've planned for both scenarios so neither of us would feel a financial loss when one of us goes. That way the one left can do what they want rather than being forced to change due to finances.

Unlike you, if I found myself alone, I would want to leave our 3/2 house. I'd move closer to my family and either share digs with my mother or get a small place myself. I wouldn't feel comfortable having a stranger or even a friend move in, but that is a great option for those who don't mind.
 
Ladybj, the idea of turning your home into a do-it -yourself retirement facility may not be feasible. I've been living in the same house for thirty years now, so you think it's all paid for, etc etc. So far this year, I have had to have a new roof, new windows( yup, windows last only about 25 years), new outside doors. The dish washer doesn't work, any more. Oh, yeah, I'm waiting for them to install the new furnace. An older home is gong to cost you big time. And the older it gets the more that need fixing and updating. And your plan does not take into the fact that health is going to play a huge roll in where you will live. You assume you will be well enough to maintain yourself????? I as all set to live my life out in my home. when one fall, and it was over a year before I was able to sleep in my own home. Now, as to your plan to bring in aging people to pay for all this. Never mind the hassle of local building codes and laws, you will be responsible for them. There's the jovial Mr. Thomson, who falls out of bed and breaks his hip, who is now the sue your butt off Tommy. And all the time, you are getting older.
 
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Speculating on possible future scenarios and responses is something that most humans indulge in from time to time. Our DNA programs us to instinctively search for "outs" when we might be cornered, whether that predator is a hungry animal or a mortgage lender.

Ladybj, it's quite reasonable to concern yourself with what might happen in the future and to have a loose plan sketched out. Whether or not you'd actually put that plan into action when and if the time came is irrelevant. The exercise itself - just knowing there are some escape hatches - are calming.

My personal plan if anything happened to my husband? I'd likely sell this house fairly quickly and move to a condo. I could afford to stay here but have no desire to keep up a 2500 SF house with a pool by myself. And as fuzzybuddy said above, houses require a lot of maintenance, time, attention, and dollars.
 
We have 2 homes....If something happens to my husband, I'll decide where I want to be....I have great children....I know they will be by my
side to decide....
If I die first....Oh Well!!! Hubby would only keep one of the Homes....And I know which one!!!!!!!!! LOL
 
My husband died in 2013. I'm living in my home and take care of the things that come up as I always did. It helps if your husband wasn't much of a DIY guy or home maintenance type. Someone had to do it so it fell on me throughout our marriage.

Got the guy across the street to put a metal roof on my garage. It took longer than a professional, but it's there. I will care for everything as long as I can. When I can't I guess I'll go somewhere else. That's how I live day to day.

I watched my neighbor who is in her 90s live in her home for decades after her husband died. She finally had to move in with one of her children, not that she wanted to, the children felt she was less trouble living with one of them. My other neighbor is still living in her home, she's in her late 80s too. I don't want to move out and live in an apartment. I am comfortable here right now. I'll know when I'm not. I'm living on survivors benefits alone so it's not like I have money in the bank either.
 
I've been reading some of these posts. There are a few that mention , " I have kids, and grandkids, who will take care of me." I was a nurse, and yes, there are families where the younger ones pitch in. And quite frankly, they aren't the norm. Even in a huge family, the elder one's care will come down to one person, who shoulders all the care. While it sounds harsh to say this, families are not equipped to provide 24/7 care to an invalid person.. I've seen that tear up families time and time again. What starts off as loving tenderness becomes a intolerable anchor around the neck.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I've been reading some of these posts. There are a few that mention , " I have kids, and grandkids, who will take care of me." I was a nurse, and yes, there are families where the younger ones pitch in. And quite frankly, they aren't the norm. Even in a huge family, the elder one's care will come down to one person, who shoulders all the care. While it sounds harsh to say this, families are not equipped to provide 24/7 care to an invalid person.. I've seen that tear up families time and time again. What starts off as loving tenderness becomes a intolerable anchor around the neck.
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I too have seen this in families I know. As you note, people think they are family protected, until they discover they are actually, on their own . Till they die that is.......then everyone was their favorite, and did the most for them.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I've been reading some of these posts. There are a few that mention , " I have kids, and grandkids, who will take care of me." I was a nurse, and yes, there are families where the younger ones pitch in. And quite frankly, they aren't the norm. Even in a huge family, the elder one's care will come down to one person, who shoulders all the care. While it sounds harsh to say this, families are not equipped to provide 24/7 care to an invalid person.. I've seen that tear up families time and time again. What starts off as loving tenderness becomes a intolerable anchor around the neck.
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You are right on point about this, fuzzy. DH & I had legal and medical POA for my mother and his father but not the skillset, temperament or desire to be good caregivers. Nor did any of our siblings.

Dementia and physical failings required our parents to be in very safe places with 24/7 help. We found them quite nice nearby assisted living facilities, visited often, and maintained great relationships with them until their passings.

Should DH or I reach that point our children know we would prefer a nice AL over burdening our family with physical management chores like lifting, bathing or toileting us.
 
I am the planning type, I like to plan what I'm doing NOW but also like to know what my PLAN B or even a plan c will be. Nothing wrong with that. Just because your husband (or you) is healthy now it does not mean it will be so forever, and death is not only due to old age, there's also accidents and illnesses.

I have a 3 bedroom 2 bath house, I planned it that way so that if I need a live-in housekeeper/caretaker they can have their own bedroom. My house and car are paid off, I have no debts, and I feel sure that living in my house with some help will be cheaper than living in a senior or assisted living place. I have a handyman that comes when called to do repairs or landscaping etc., his fees are reasonable. And his nice wife told me she's willing to help me in any way, so far I haven't needed her but the time will come I am sure.

@Ladybj it is very wise to have alternative plans, do your research and figure out what would be best for you. Being out of debt and having an adequate income is paramount, everything else, including the possibility of having roommates is secondary.
 
My sister 91 has been widowed for 25 years. She lives in a 4 br house with a pool. She spent her working and "mommy" years in a small apartment in NYC, she does not want to give up her house. A year and a half ago her grandson, his wife and their 2 little girls moved in with her. She loves it and it works well for all concerned. She no longer even thinks about driving, they maintain the house, and she sits with the little ones.

One of the first things they did was build a fence around the pool. The kids are safe.
 
Ladybj said:
I do not plan on downsizing and moving into a senior community because some of them are more expensive than my mortgage. We recently purchased this home (july 2019) and I consider it my retirement home. I have 4 bedrms, so if need be, I will consider a roommate. However I will be VERY selective. With a house, there are added expenditures, keeping the grass cut, changing filters, etc. Hubby takes care of those things so I may have to look to get a male roommate. I may also consider a female roommate. Just something for me to think about. Any suggestions? I am a think ahead type person. I have do doubt it will work out for me to be able to stay and enjoy my home until...
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One of my grandmothers did this very successfully for many years after grandpa predeceased her. She rented part of her home to local college students and it worked out very well for her. I think you are smart to know yourself so well and anticipate that you would dislike senior housing, condos etc. and the reasons for those living options. Good luck to you in this!
 
This is one of the things that I worry about. My husband is much better at taking care of things than I could ever be, and if he should die, then I would not be able to take care of the house. We don’t own the house, so selling it and purchasing something smaller is not an option for me.
My plan would be to look for low-income housing and get a small studio/1 bedroom apartment, and sell my vehicle also.

It is scary to think about not having a car, but even scarier to think about it breaking down somewhere away from home, and being alone. Also, I would not have to pay for car license, driver license, or car insurance, and that would give me more money to live on.
If I get a monthly bus pass, I should be able to get places I absolutely had to get to, and there is always Uber if the bus won’t work.

I can order most things online, and learn to use something like Instacart for most of the groceries I would need, so when I went grocery shopping with the city bus, I would not need to carry home much besides my fresh veggies and salad greens.

I would like a place that had a fitness area, but not likely to find that in the low-income apartments, but I think that I can just take the bus and go to the fitness center that we go to right now, that my Medicare pays for.
 

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