I have really been suffering with great depression. I watched a movie tonight "The Whale"
It addressed so many things we have all faced, death, grief, love, loss. We have all faced these things in our life. They are scars in our hearts and minds that we can't heal. For me, I have not been able to move past these things. Those of us who have lost a spouse, even worse those who have lost a child. Those of us who have lost a relationship we valued deeply because we could never honestly discuss the situation.
Some of us have spent our lives in supporting, caring for our loved ones. I have done this many times but no one seems to even notice that you give up your life, your health, your dreams. Seems like so many just think you;' are willing to do it, they don't see that you are exhausted. Oh, they know but are still not stepping up to help. That would just mean they have to be involved.
Mind you, I am proud I did what was needed but from some family members I have been ignored, acted like it was my fault that our loved ones died. Who knows, but they all knew what was going on, they knew it was a fragile situation. Some blame me and I have been excluded by my husband's family. No longer welcome at family events, reunions, graduations, weddings. They knew my husband was terminal from day one. My MIL was there in the oncologists office when they told it was terminal, about 8 months to a year.
I did more research than you could imagine. They started on traditional chemo which was horrible and had no effect. Our saving grace was it was a slow growing cancer. I finally found a trial through the NIH. I got all his records forwarded to them and we were accepted. The trial was in Scottsdale AZ.
We spent the next two years traveling back and forth. It was a good trial and slowed everything down with very little side effects.
Meanwhile, we had a child in highschool and had to keep up with all his activities. I worked full time during the complete time, using my vacation time to go to Arizona.
Never once did his siblings step up to go with him. His Mother was also in bad health and could not go and they were not even looking after her. My husband would get home and go straight to his Mom's to take care of the yard and pool.
Though death was certain, they choose to sit back and then for some reason, beyond me, I was the bad guy. Has anyone been through that experience? It is like they were relieved it was over before they had no choice but to be involved. This was a five year long fight. My husband's Mom got so sick, they took her to the hospital on the way to my husbands funeral. So my husbands funeral was on a Sunday, the next Sunday was my MIL's funeral, So it seems they blame me for both.
Going years without talking to loved ones over some slight, true or imagined is ridiculous. I tried to heal the situation but it has not worked. There was another uproar when my son married. Only one aunt and uncle were invited. I had nothing to do with it. The kids paid for their own wedding and could not afford to invite everyone, another 60 people.
Once again, they decided it was my fault, so the mess continues, even though I told them the kids could not afford it. I had nothing to do with guest list or anything at all in the wedding. I did not go with the bride to pick out a dress, I did not plan the rehearsal dinner, I mean nothing!! This is also a great one, I have never seen the wedding pictures.
Anyway, I think this movie is a great representation of things that happen to all of us. The best decisions may or may not be made. There always misunderstandings or information with held that tears families apart. It will make you stop and think if you just have been honest things might be different. Even now, some of us may be able to recover if you can just sit down and truthfully talk about how you felt, what was really happening.
The only time I got brave enough was a trip to New Mexico for an Aunt's funeral. We had to drive to a higher elevation and it made it difficult to breathe for my husband. At the hotel, we got a call from the doctor in Arizona we were being dismissed from the trial, the drug was no longer working. We did not go to the family home the next morning. We left for the 3 hour drive back to the airport.
There was nonstop fussing when his Mom and Sister at the airport that we did not come to the house. I had all I could take, when they went to the ladies' room, I went in there and told them what was going on. Your son, your brother can't breathe at this elevation, and we got a call we have been dismissed from the trial, don't you say another word to us!!
Well, you can see I am having a bad night, you all are the only ones I have to pour out my feelings to. I pray for your grace and understanding. If this motivates any of you to mend a relationship before it is to late it will be a blessing for you!
It addressed so many things we have all faced, death, grief, love, loss. We have all faced these things in our life. They are scars in our hearts and minds that we can't heal. For me, I have not been able to move past these things. Those of us who have lost a spouse, even worse those who have lost a child. Those of us who have lost a relationship we valued deeply because we could never honestly discuss the situation.
Some of us have spent our lives in supporting, caring for our loved ones. I have done this many times but no one seems to even notice that you give up your life, your health, your dreams. Seems like so many just think you;' are willing to do it, they don't see that you are exhausted. Oh, they know but are still not stepping up to help. That would just mean they have to be involved.
Mind you, I am proud I did what was needed but from some family members I have been ignored, acted like it was my fault that our loved ones died. Who knows, but they all knew what was going on, they knew it was a fragile situation. Some blame me and I have been excluded by my husband's family. No longer welcome at family events, reunions, graduations, weddings. They knew my husband was terminal from day one. My MIL was there in the oncologists office when they told it was terminal, about 8 months to a year.
I did more research than you could imagine. They started on traditional chemo which was horrible and had no effect. Our saving grace was it was a slow growing cancer. I finally found a trial through the NIH. I got all his records forwarded to them and we were accepted. The trial was in Scottsdale AZ.
We spent the next two years traveling back and forth. It was a good trial and slowed everything down with very little side effects.
Meanwhile, we had a child in highschool and had to keep up with all his activities. I worked full time during the complete time, using my vacation time to go to Arizona.
Never once did his siblings step up to go with him. His Mother was also in bad health and could not go and they were not even looking after her. My husband would get home and go straight to his Mom's to take care of the yard and pool.
Though death was certain, they choose to sit back and then for some reason, beyond me, I was the bad guy. Has anyone been through that experience? It is like they were relieved it was over before they had no choice but to be involved. This was a five year long fight. My husband's Mom got so sick, they took her to the hospital on the way to my husbands funeral. So my husbands funeral was on a Sunday, the next Sunday was my MIL's funeral, So it seems they blame me for both.
Going years without talking to loved ones over some slight, true or imagined is ridiculous. I tried to heal the situation but it has not worked. There was another uproar when my son married. Only one aunt and uncle were invited. I had nothing to do with it. The kids paid for their own wedding and could not afford to invite everyone, another 60 people.
Once again, they decided it was my fault, so the mess continues, even though I told them the kids could not afford it. I had nothing to do with guest list or anything at all in the wedding. I did not go with the bride to pick out a dress, I did not plan the rehearsal dinner, I mean nothing!! This is also a great one, I have never seen the wedding pictures.
Anyway, I think this movie is a great representation of things that happen to all of us. The best decisions may or may not be made. There always misunderstandings or information with held that tears families apart. It will make you stop and think if you just have been honest things might be different. Even now, some of us may be able to recover if you can just sit down and truthfully talk about how you felt, what was really happening.
The only time I got brave enough was a trip to New Mexico for an Aunt's funeral. We had to drive to a higher elevation and it made it difficult to breathe for my husband. At the hotel, we got a call from the doctor in Arizona we were being dismissed from the trial, the drug was no longer working. We did not go to the family home the next morning. We left for the 3 hour drive back to the airport.
There was nonstop fussing when his Mom and Sister at the airport that we did not come to the house. I had all I could take, when they went to the ladies' room, I went in there and told them what was going on. Your son, your brother can't breathe at this elevation, and we got a call we have been dismissed from the trial, don't you say another word to us!!
Well, you can see I am having a bad night, you all are the only ones I have to pour out my feelings to. I pray for your grace and understanding. If this motivates any of you to mend a relationship before it is to late it will be a blessing for you!
