I am really struggling

B

Blessed

Well-known Member
I am really struggling with emotional problems. It is just one thing but many that have built up over time. I did see a psychologist when my husband died. I attended group therapy. I saw a psychiatrist when my migraines started. The doctors thought it was my head, duh! it was my head, I even went through intensive therapy in my really 30's for panic disorder and acrophobia

I am not against seeing a professional when it comes to mental health. The only one that helped was the therapy for the panic disorder. I still have problems now and then with that but I have done very well keeping it under control,

Right now I am struggling with everything. trying to do what is right for my health, listening to my doctor and doing what she suggests, Quit smoking 5 years ago, quit my wine habit years ago. When you quit smoking, you start eating and gain weight. Then you are a type 2 diabetic.

Now you have to try to change your diet. Okay, I tried, need help, now on a shot GLP1, which really helps. Then we get trouble with the insurance company who finally approves.
Then a company buys your doctors clinic and messes the whole thing up. You can't reach the doctor directly, every call goes thru a 3rd party who has to relay the message to the nurse and then they to the doctor. WTF, I like my doctor, I have been with this group for 30 years, the doctor is not the problem, it is the management company.

I am ready to just forget the whole thing, start smoking, drinking and eating cake when I ever I want. What is the point of working so hard to follow the rules and be miserable everyday.I am still going to die at some point so why not enjoy the time i have left. I can start to spend and enjoy the money I have saved.

Buy a new car, fix up the house more, I would say travel but I can't leave the dogs. No one will blink when I am gone. I have seen enough death to know this. The only people I have seen truly grieve was my husband when his Dad passed. Then husband died, his Mom followed 9 days later from grief. I felt and still feel the grief from those losses. I have also lost my Mom and our best family friend since.

I just really feel what is the point, I did everything I could do to take care of the people I loved. They have passed and the ones left don't seem to care. What is the point. there is not one for me.
Missing my married son and what seems like his lack of concern which makes sense. He grew up watching me take care of everything at home and working full time. He just doesn;t understand aging makes things harder.
 
Oh my Blessed.
I am not really sure what to say.
I struggle with some of the same feelings and situations you are going through.
My husband died, fell and damaged his brain.
My Son who has lived with me for 30 years, up and moved to NY in April 2025.
I had to get new Doctors also.Starting all over again with tests!

What is the point? You are here wanting comfort and and understanding.
I am new to posting at the forum but I have read a lot of post.
People here are very nice and We Do Care.

I wish I could wave my magic wand and makes us all better!
Please do not give up, there is still joy in the world.
Maybe we can find it together.

❤️
 
I wish I could take away this pain from your heart.
Try to focus on just today. Try to keep all negativity away from you. We are living in a world of great insecurities right now.
Try to avoid loneliness by finding a hobby, doing some volunteer work, going to a support group, getting involved in your community. These are just a few ideas I can think of right now. I hope this can help you.
Know that we are here for you. ❤️
 
Thank you both for your kind words.

@Coconut, I am sorry for your loss and feel your pain. My husband had terminal cancer. He had a bad fall due to a pulmonary embolism. He had a
TBI due to the fall, It was the beginning of the end. Had brain surgery but really never recovered. Got to come home but passed 2 1/2 months later.

@Rossana, I know it would be good for me to be out and about but health issues keep me from that. I suffer from chronic migraines, and I can't keep a normal schedule. I am up all night and sleep most of the day. Makes everything more difficult.
 
Oddly enough Blessed, there are many people on this site who feel the same way you do. I think you’d be really surprised.
I agree with you that you should spend your saved money for things that make you happy. If you need a new car, then purchase one. You might as well enjoy the money while you can. You can’t take it with you.

I think it would be good for you to find others who feel similar to you on this site. You could keep each other company. I hope your thread draws those people together to find each other. Keep sharing how you feel with us. I think it will be good for you as well as good for others.

I hope you have a blessed day. :)
 
Blessed said:
I am really struggling with emotional problems. It is just one thing but many that have built up over time. I did see a psychologist when my husband died. I attended group therapy. I saw a psychiatrist when my migraines started. The doctors thought it was my head, duh! it was my head, I even went through intensive therapy in my really 30's for panic disorder and acrophobia

I am not against seeing a professional when it comes to mental health. The only one that helped was the therapy for the panic disorder. I still have problems now and then with that but I have done very well keeping it under control,

Right now I am struggling with everything. trying to do what is right for my health, listening to my doctor and doing what she suggests, Quit smoking 5 years ago, quit my wine habit years ago. When you quit smoking, you start eating and gain weight. Then you are a type 2 diabetic.

Now you have to try to change your diet. Okay, I tried, need help, now on a shot GLP1, which really helps. Then we get trouble with the insurance company who finally approves.
Then a company buys your doctors clinic and messes the whole thing up. You can't reach the doctor directly, every call goes thru a 3rd party who has to relay the message to the nurse and then they to the doctor. WTF, I like my doctor, I have been with this group for 30 years, the doctor is not the problem, it is the management company.

I am ready to just forget the whole thing, start smoking, drinking and eating cake when I ever I want. What is the point of working so hard to follow the rules and be miserable everyday.I am still going to die at some point so why not enjoy the time i have left. I can start to spend and enjoy the money I have saved.

Buy a new car, fix up the house more, I would say travel but I can't leave the dogs. No one will blink when I am gone. I have seen enough death to know this. The only people I have seen truly grieve was my husband when his Dad passed. Then husband died, his Mom followed 9 days later from grief. I felt and still feel the grief from those losses. I have also lost my Mom and our best family friend since.

I just really feel what is the point, I did everything I could do to take care of the people I loved. They have passed and the ones left don't seem to care. What is the point. there is not one for me.
Missing my married son and what seems like his lack of concern which makes sense. He grew up watching me take care of everything at home and working full time. He just doesn;t understand aging makes things harder.
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I'm sorry Blessed
You are right about changing everything and you did. Smoking, wine, diet. That's wonderful. But, that's become normal.
Time to change again. This time not for your doctor or anyone else. For you. Take charge and get on the internet. Research everything and find what suits you.

The gpl1 is fine to get on track but you want to work at getting off of it at some point.

The first is your mental health. Can you get outside? You need to everyday for at least 15 minutes.
Look up 4-7-8 breathing technique. Dr Weil. Move around as much as possible.

I seriously can understand you feeling, "what's the point?" The point is for you. For you to feel well and be happy and not doing the things people tell you that you should do. Only do what you want to do to feel better.

This is NOT medical advice. Just use your doctor to tell you what's wrong then research what the latest medical advancements are. Then discuss that when you can see your doctor.

Sleep. So important! Research sleep experts and their advice on how to get a good night's sleep.

Start by feeling better then you can feel like you can have a life you want.

And, if you say "hearlady you are nuts. You don't understand." That's OK! I know I don't. I just wish I had that magic wand for you and @Coconut and everyone struggling.
 
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is not easy getting on in this world alone. I know that for a fact but you cannot ever give up.

You do not have to change all at once. Do one thing at a time. Maybe go outside and sit with your dogs. I find writing in a journal helps me immensely. I have learned to appreciate my life being alone. Coming here has really helped me. The diary is where I share my life and my friends here seem to be interested.

You need to live for yourself now, not others. I think it is hard for someone who has taken care of others their whole life to finally focus on themselves. Now is the time to do that.
 
Oh Blessed, I'm so sorry you feel this way.

If I didn't think my son still needed me I'm sure I would feel exactly the same way, particularly the "why not smoke, drink and eat cake," part. I'm kind of there already with the cake part.

I'm going to try to follow Hearlady's excellent advice and go outside for 15 minutes a day. I've only been out twice this year, combination of sprained ankle and creeping agoraphobia.

I bet if you started a diary here it would help. I know I'd be there if you decided to fix up your house and tell us about it. Any money spent on making your environment more pleasant or prettier is money well spent in my opinion.

I hope I won't get in trouble for going off topic again, the last time it was so bad they had to start a new "clean" thread.

But I wanted to let you know you're not alone.
2025-08-11__Dogs_Hugging_-_Hero.jpg
 
I won't offer advice. I think you maybe just needed to tell someone or even just
see your thoughts in print. To process where you are and to figure out a way to
to take that first step.
I know we all will be here to listen and encourage you along.
Please know you are cared for, wanted and even needed.🤗
 
Blessed said:
I am really struggling with emotional problems. It is just one thing but many that have built up over time. I did see a psychologist when my husband died. I attended group therapy. I saw a psychiatrist when my migraines started. The doctors thought it was my head, duh! it was my head, I even went through intensive therapy in my really 30's for panic disorder and acrophobia

I am not against seeing a professional when it comes to mental health. The only one that helped was the therapy for the panic disorder. I still have problems now and then with that but I have done very well keeping it under control,

Right now I am struggling with everything. trying to do what is right for my health, listening to my doctor and doing what she suggests, Quit smoking 5 years ago, quit my wine habit years ago. When you quit smoking, you start eating and gain weight. Then you are a type 2 diabetic.

Now you have to try to change your diet. Okay, I tried, need help, now on a shot GLP1, which really helps. Then we get trouble with the insurance company who finally approves.
Then a company buys your doctors clinic and messes the whole thing up. You can't reach the doctor directly, every call goes thru a 3rd party who has to relay the message to the nurse and then they to the doctor. WTF, I like my doctor, I have been with this group for 30 years, the doctor is not the problem, it is the management company.

I am ready to just forget the whole thing, start smoking, drinking and eating cake when I ever I want. What is the point of working so hard to follow the rules and be miserable everyday.I am still going to die at some point so why not enjoy the time i have left. I can start to spend and enjoy the money I have saved.

Buy a new car, fix up the house more, I would say travel but I can't leave the dogs. No one will blink when I am gone. I have seen enough death to know this. The only people I have seen truly grieve was my husband when his Dad passed. Then husband died, his Mom followed 9 days later from grief. I felt and still feel the grief from those losses. I have also lost my Mom and our best family friend since.

I just really feel what is the point, I did everything I could do to take care of the people I loved. They have passed and the ones left don't seem to care. What is the point. there is not one for me.
Missing my married son and what seems like his lack of concern which makes sense. He grew up watching me take care of everything at home and working full time. He just doesn;t understand aging makes things harder.
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^^^^^^^This. Every bit of this I can identify with. VERY similar. ALL of it.

Loss, grief, health, all of it. People. Who care or don't. Health care systems, changes, insurance. Mine keeps messing up the rides, my insurance company. NOW I ordered refills on some meds like a week and a half ago and still don't have them. Either the insurance, my doctor or the pharmacy failed. Going to have to call on that today.

I've seen the very bad in the system and finally found a few good ones but still have the bad things too re system. I was in a very bad way but did all I could and got better. I'm not great yet, but am better. And I've had it with all the appts and things. I'm going to enjoy what I can, stop all of the unnecessary appts at least (not all, just those I don't feel necessary), and I guess if they don't care I have these meds, or worry, then I guess neither should I. Oh I will call today with one last effort and if they don't figure it out, and take care of it, the heck with them.

I'm guessing from your post that you can relate to such big time. I've seen that nothing is going to get better as we get older. And more of such will come so I'm stopping all that I don't feel absolutely necessary and going to enjoy things as much as I CAN anyhow, moderately, because we know it won't be long before some other crisis comes. Another loss, a big health care issue of our own, an insurance change, as you said somewhere being bought out and all changing yet again...

And then there are family members... A wakeup call in itself at times of crisis as to who really gets it or is there and so on... I've been there for every family member in times of their illness, on their death bed, any operation or scare, cancer, you name it. Now that I had an unexpected year of issues, I sure didn't notice the same...

I'm just trying to say I get it and can so identify and hope that helps in some small way. And sending hugs and prayers.

I also feel the system caused my further issues but that's it's own story.

I'm going to enjoy what I can, I've decided that. Your post here actually helped me decide something I hadn't quite done yet. I've been dancing around the decision for awhile and just couldn't quite make it. Nothing bad, just a big one to me.

What's funny to me is i was basically fine when I unexpectedly had an issue and it was NOT treated or helped and that tumbled into all the other issues... Because it wasn't TREATED and no help was given for it no matter HOW I tried.

I've told my primary, who I DO like, long story (changed my primary, that's another thing), that I've done all I can to get better, am mostly better and I'm worn out after more than a yr of all of the appts and everything else that goes along with it. I've had it with all of the appts and am cutting out any I feel unnecessary...

Back to enjoying life. I plan to enjoy what I can from this point forward. Within reason. I'm not rich so there will be no buying of a mansion or a yacht or likely ever moving somewhere warmer. Lol.

Anyhow, take heart, and take control.
 
Someone asked me in a private message if I was ok. I had been expressing the same kind of thoughts, even expressing that "life isn't worth living anymore". They said I sounded desperate. I appreciate the concern and care from those encouraging me to carry on. I told her that for years not a day goes by that I don't think and feel depressed enough to hide from the world, and possibly cash in the chips.

But, I have learned to wait as patiently as possible for the " mood" to pass. Sometimes it passes quickly, some days I am burdened all day. I think of the millions of people right now who are suffering and most of them much worse than me. Some of us carry a heavy burden, it is kind of the "luck of the draw".

Remember Carlos Castaneda and his spiritual guide Don Juan? He said there are four major enemies in life. Fear, clarity, power, and death. When faced with death, which is part of this life (as pain and suffering are), the key to remember how to keep that stuff as far away as possible is to . Keep Going :)
 
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Blessed said:
I just really feel what is the point, I did everything I could do to take care of the people I loved. They have passed and the ones left don't seem to care. What is the point. there is not one for me.
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There's not one left for me either. Someone had to be last, but I think I have more emotional strength to face whatever is coming than my wife had.

Blessed said:
I did see a psychologist when my husband died. I attended group therapy. I saw a psychiatrist . . .
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I did too, and I'm not sure if any of that helped or not. Maybe; but they can't take it all away.
Blessed said:
aging makes things harder.
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That's because aging brings additional challenges on top of the ones we already had when we were in mid-life, only now we have less stamina to deal with them. Recognizing your insecurities and expressing them can be a good thing, as long as you don't look too much at the big picture. Doing that can overwhelm and immobilize you. One day at a time.
 
One step at a time.

For the migraines, have you tried Botox? It has negative connotations because it’s a toxin and now for its use for vanity. Ignore this. It’s worth researching.

As others have said, treat yourself. Get that new car if you can afford it. Have a hair cut. Etc. etc. it’s the little things that help. Be kind to yourself.
 
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