I am unable to cry

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
Is this common or even normal?

I have had many grief's in my life but have always coped, as most people do somehow. I used to cry and feel better, especially after bereavements. It is actually healthy , even essential, to let yourself cry. I always had the habit of only crying in private, I was always too embarrassed to cry in front of anyone except my husband. Perhaps it is a very 'English' thing?

However, it's been a few years since I actually could cry properly. I get tears in my eyes occasionally but never now actually cry, not even privately. People must think I don't feel things but I most certainly do. As a result if I see people on TV crying over what I consider trivial reasons, I feel great impatience.

It's peculiar - does anyone else have this?
 

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Sorry @Rose65 I haven't experienced this. However there are times when I push it down to a little corner somewhere in my stomach and carry on.

If you are ready and can locate your corner it might be possible to release it. But I think feelings can get packed up and hidden as a self-defensive move.

Or maybe I'm just full of crap, as always.

If you have something like that going on right now and are prepared to release it then you might need somebody you can trust to probe for it and try to release it. It might take more than just a conversation though. Finding it is the first battle, letting somebody hold your hand while releasing it could be harder for a very private person.

Sorry I can't help.
 
I have had periods in my life when I could not cry tears. I felt like crying but could not. Then I had other times where I cried over the silliest things. Can you cry watching a sad movie or reading a sad book? During the times I could not I felt like I controlled myself from crying for various reasons so much that now I could not. Now I can cry watching a program but did not cry when someone died a few days ago. I still feel bad she died but did not cry until I was talking to the mother of the person who died.
 
Did you know that weeping is a phenomenon that is unique to humans? Crying is a natural response to a range of emotions, from deep sadness and grief to extreme happiness and joy. Crying is an important safety valve, largely because keeping difficult feelings inside, what psychologists call repressive coping, can be bad for our health. Studies have linked repressive coping with a less resilient immune system, cardiovascular disease, and hypertension, as well as with mental health conditions, including stress, anxiety, and depression.

Researchers have established that crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins. These feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain. Crying has also been shown to increase attachment behaviour, encouraging closeness, empathy, and support from friends and family.

When you said that you didn't cry Rose, I read that as a tear duct problem, but if everything is in working order I wouldn't worry too much.
 
Rose65 said:
Is this common or even normal?

I have had many grief's in my life but have always coped, as most people do somehow. I used to cry and feel better, especially after bereavements. It is actually healthy , even essential, to let yourself cry. I always had the habit of only crying in private, I was always too embarrassed to cry in front of anyone except my husband. Perhaps it is a very 'English' thing?

However, it's been a few years since I actually could cry properly. I get tears in my eyes occasionally but never now actually cry, not even privately. People must think I don't feel things but I most certainly do. As a result if I see people on TV crying over what I consider trivial reasons, I feel great impatience.

It's peculiar - does anyone else have this?
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I don't cry often if at all, Rose.
When I'm in pain, I swear.
When my feelings are hurt, I bear it.
I will "tear up" over a touching movie or news story.
I have cried at funerals, surprise deaths, but not always.

I feel sadness and empathy, deeply at times. I just don't cry a lot.
 
horseless carriage said:
Did you know that weeping is a phenomenon that is unique to humans? Crying is a natural response to a range of emotions, from deep sadness and grief to extreme happiness and joy. Crying is an important safety valve, largely because keeping difficult feelings inside, what psychologists call repressive coping, can be bad for our health. Studies have linked repressive coping with a less resilient immune system, cardiovascular disease, and hypertension, as well as with mental health conditions, including stress, anxiety, and depression.

Researchers have established that crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins. These feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain. Crying has also been shown to increase attachment behaviour, encouraging closeness, empathy, and support from friends and family.

When you said that you didn't cry Rose, I read that as a tear duct problem, but if everything is in working order I wouldn't worry too much.
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You are along the right lines. Mine is not a physical problem. I think instead of crying I go onwards, get depressed and anxious. This is not good for health I know, but I suppose I just think I ought to 'get on with it,'.
 
For some of us music can be helpful. It might provide a diversion, help place things in perspective, be an escape, or just a buttress against outside forces while we process feelings.

This is an example of the latter:


Something to be wary of is its limitations. We can find ourselves caught in a negative feedback loop through unfortunate choices in musical "advice."
 
Rose65 said:
You are along the right lines. Mine is not a physical problem. I think instead of crying I go onwards, get depressed and anxious. This is not good for health I know, but I suppose I just think I ought to 'get on with it,'.
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When I was young.. I was seriously abused... its not a new story to this forum, but I rarely cried..looking back I just accepted it for what it was..continual beatings etc...except for when I was in foster care, I can't remember a day when I didn't get beaten.. that could be false memory but I don't think it is,.

However I often wonder if the fact that I can cry at the drop of a hat is some kind of offshoot, for NOT crying when I was young...
 
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hollydolly said:
When I was young.. I was seriously abused... its not a new story to this forum, but I rarely cried..looking bck I just accepted it for what it was..continual beatings etc...except for when I was in foster care, I can't remember a day when I didn't get beaten.. that could be false memory but I don't think it is,.

However I often wonder if the fact that I can cry at the drop of a hat is some kind of offshoot, for NOT crying when I was young...
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My goodness how dreadful. It leaves lifelong invisible scars. I am so sorry your young life was made such misery.

Mine is a long story too but the result is the opposite as I very rarely cry.

I think it's because I believe tears are futile and I refuse to appear weak. That's only my own opinion and I know it's faulty. Logic tells me tears are natural and not indicative of weakness but of being human.
We are all different, life kicks us and we find ways to cope.
 
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There have been times when I have not cried deliberately because someone I was with wanted me to cry.

Yes, I have known people like this in my life which explains a lot. Don't you think? I've learned some hard lessons but useful ones. Not crying is kind of an asset. You can learn to cry in private and feel relief from grief if you need to. I'm actually happier now that I don't cry as much.

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I went through a long period of life from teens to middle aged when I would rarely shed tears for anything, much less open mouth cry. That ended the night my beloved father died of a stroke. For several hours that day at work after receiving the message from my mother, I just felt sad.

Then late in the evening, I looked into a mirror and thought about my dad deeply and at first barely could make crying sounds but eventually it flowed out because he was so worth it and I had always hated and dreaded our human mortality. Later in the wee hours drove for miles to a lonely empty place at the top of a viewpoint in our nearby mountains out to a dark starry moonless universe beyond light pollution and for a long time screamed, crying, feeling remorse for his loss, and my imperfect life, ranting loudly and speaking out to God.

Since then, have been thoroughly changed and can easily tear up though will only cry over those I deeply love. When my mother and later sister died I felt equally deep so. I suspect that others that have hardened themselves emotionally will not even tear up unless it is about a deep emotional connection with others. Wives tears at intimate distances will make many otherwise strong husbands who love them tear up. Even strangers crying nearby we empathize with are enough to make many tear up.

I studied basic anthropology, and historically within many homo sapiens groups both men and women have elaborate mourning and crying sometime ritualistic behaviors for days after those they love die. It is not about release at that level or a need to get it out of one's system, but rather those we love so are worth it with our mortality a truly immensely deep emotional experience, most precious to our beings.
 
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I don't cry much anymore. As a child, teen and young adult, I cried so much. Often as a child alone in my room, having no idea why I had been screamed horrible words at. So I'm pretty much cried out.

Since I also had to watch my mother cry and wail about her trauma as a child, I'm rather cold to other's crying. If you have a real reason to cry, I can have empathy. Crying for attention I can't stand.
 
It's strange to me I can be watching the tv or reading a book and for no reason find myself teary-eyed and ready to break but it stops and I go on. My life has been a long nightmare, especially the last four years, I feel the need to just let go and really let the tears flow, they won't come though.

I get the feeling that someday my emotions will come through and I'll be crying buckets, but I just keep keeping on, it's the only thing I know to do.
 
TheOtherRick said:
I get the feeling that someday my emotions will come through and I'll be crying buckets, but I just keep keeping on, it's the only thing I know to do.
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I'm not sure, it either does or it doesn't.

I can find myself in a similar position, but they just come and I normally let them. It is possible to hold them and show nothing, but eventually they'll be released.

I've been putting it down old age and the internal battle for hormone balance. Testosterone, estrogen, adrenaline, oxytocin, and more can vary with age in a guy, both in production levels and responses. It's not a thing that most of us are culturally comfortable with considering.
 
Something we haven't considered is dehydration. I know I don't drink enough water. That might be why the tears don't flow like they should. 🤔
 

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