I like one liners.

[Rider77]

It is well that war is so terrible, lest we should grow fond of it. Robert E. Lee

Everyone has a plan till they get hit in the mouth. Mike Tyson

 

[hollydolly]

My IQ test results came back.. Thank God they were negative !


They say It’s a small world, well I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.

 

[Been There]

“Losing is not an option.”

 

[horseless carriage]

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.

 

[IrishEyes]

I just burnt 2,000 calories, that's the last time I leave brownies in the oven and fall asleep.

 

[hollydolly]

A good rule to remember for life, is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”

 

[Rider77]

The British never draw a line without blurring it.

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true. Winston Churchill

Living is a hard habit to break.

Never miss a good chance to shut up. Will Rogers

 

[Jazzy1]

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

 

[moviequeen1]

At first you don't succeed, try try again,then give up,no use being a damn fool about it-W.C. Fields

 

[Feelslikefar]

“Jet lag is for amateurs.” — Dick Clark

 

[Pappy]

When you come to a fork in the road….take it.
Yogi Berra.

 

[Sunny]

It's deja vu all over again

Yogi Berra

 

[Gem]

Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.
.

 

[Capt Lightning]

I had a brain scan, but they didn't find anything.

 

[QuietByNature]

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised

 

[Knight]

never take a laxative & sleeping pills before going to bed

 

[Gem]

My bed is a magical place - I suddenly remember everything I had to do.

 

[Pappy]

I started life on a shoestring and worked my way up until I got my face slapped…

 

[hearlady]

Good ones!

 

[Ted01]

Advice for young folk...
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.

 

[horseless carriage]

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?

 

[Ted01]

Wouldn't have Gonorrhea been a better used as a name for diarrhea medicine?

 

[Pappy]

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

 

[Murrmurr]

A conclusion is the point where you got tired of thinking.

 

[Naturally]

Even silence has rhythm, if you listen close enough to the pauses between heartbeats.

Regret is a shadow you can’t outrun, but you can learn to walk alongside it.