I miss love today

Anyone who has lost a partner knows that the holidays are difficult. I think they will always be that way. It is for me. I don't know what it is that makes some of us crave the physical touch of someone. Holding a hand, a hug..it happens though.
 

{{{{Grandpa Don}}}}, so many of us have and are experiencing what you are. The love and life you shared with your wife are very special and unique to the two of you. No one but you two knows the depth of that love. I understand your loneliness and how much you miss her. It's especially tough around the holidays. She will always live in your heart and mind, and you will always carry the memory of her and the love you shared with her.

Wanting to love and be loved is innate. It's human nature. Within time, if the opportunity presents itself and you meet someone new who you'd like to become acquainted with, open your heart to doing so. You're a lovely man with a lot of love to give. I know that won't help with missing your wife and wishing you were still together, but you never know what the possibility might be of having a loving companion in your life unless you're willing to do so.

I wish you the best at finding peace and comfort.
 
Grampa Don said:
I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I’m feeling blue this morning. It’s not the weather. The air is crisp but the sun is shining. I’m just feeling very alone. I miss love. I love my boys, my daughter in law, and my granddaughter. But, it’s not the same.

I feel like I’m back as an awkward introvert teenage boy wishing I had someone’s hand to hold who would give me affection and accept mine. Then I found someone and we spent our life together. Now she’s gone. It’s been a little over a year, but it still hurts.

She was my rock. We had some spats, but she was always there for me. We took care of each other. I worried about her and she worried about me. I watched her health deteriorate and worried more.

I know I’m very lucky. I have a comfortable home and enough money to pay the bills. And my sons give me lots of support. And, I know that I am far from being alone. Millions of people have been through this. Maybe you have. But, damn I miss her.
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I know somewhat how you feel. I lost my husband 8 years ago. Didn't know what to do with myself, but made up my mind to get out, go to church, and the other activities we liked to do. Friends would ask if I was ok. After some time, it began to feel ok. He is still with me and I miss him, but It is going to be ok. There are others that will help you fill that void and be there for you.
 
Don, many here will testify to the emotional difficulties that one goes through after losing your spouse and companion. Only you will know when it's time to open that door again to the possibility of meeting another. Even those who choose not to become involved again, will probably go through times of missing the contact comfort of another person in a romantic way. Even babies who are not touched or given sufficient love in the first 6 months often develop damaged personas. It's just one of our basic and fundamental needs.

If, and when the time is right for you, I think you will need to socialize perhaps a bit more than you normally would. Most often, it's a perchance meeting that you don't see coming, but often by surprise, you may encounter someone searching for the same thing you are, and that you have much in common with. You will just have to decide if the desire to be with them is greater than your desire to live solo. After you meet that person, if they are all you can think about all day, and you can't wait to see them or talk to them again, it's a sign to move that direction. JMO.
 
I really do appreciate your comments and suggestions. Right now, assuming there were a woman with any interest in me, I would feel like I was cheating if I dated someone. Anyway, I'm an 84 year old introvert with marginal Asperger's, so I'm not exactly hot property.

My wife loved John Denver. I have a stack of his albums and CD's.
 
Grampa Don said:
I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I’m feeling blue this morning. It’s not the weather. The air is crisp but the sun is shining. I’m just feeling very alone. I miss love. I love my boys, my daughter in law, and my granddaughter. But, it’s not the same.

I feel like I’m back as an awkward introvert teenage boy wishing I had someone’s hand to hold who would give me affection and accept mine. Then I found someone and we spent our life together. Now she’s gone. It’s been a little over a year, but it still hurts.

She was my rock. We had some spats, but she was always there for me. We took care of each other. I worried about her and she worried about me. I watched her health deteriorate and worried more.

I know I’m very lucky. I have a comfortable home and enough money to pay the bills. And my sons give me lots of support. And, I know that I am far from being alone. Millions of people have been through this. Maybe you have. But, damn I miss her.
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Don, my heart goes out to you, and I'm very sad for your loss. May she rest peacefully, I feel you were blessed to have each other. It hasn't been that long, I can understand you're still grieving and feeling the loss of another person to share your life with.

You are a good man, and I hope someday you will find a companion who enjoys you and can share some love, smiles and joys. Sending you love, warm thoughts and hugs. 💙

I'm glad you're talking about this here, it's very important. Please feel free to share your thoughts whenever you want my friend.

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Grampa Don said:
I really do appreciate your comments and suggestions. Right now, assuming there were a woman with any interest in me, I would feel like I was cheating if I dated someone. Anyway, I'm an 84 year old introvert with marginal Asperger's, so I'm not exactly hot property.

My wife loved John Denver. I have a stack of his albums and CD's.
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Your wife had excellent taste in music, I also love John Denver, RIP. I hope you can come across someone to share your days with, don't give up, each of us have special qualities and I know you have many. :)
 
Grampa Don said:
I appreciate the responses. I know my situation is nothing special. Most of the time I'm fine.

I have a little dog. But, he will be 17 in a couple months and he has problems. It's kind of like watching my wife during her last years. Lots of pills and Vet visits. When he is gone, that's it for pets. I can't handle it any more.
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I lost my husband years ago. After some time I tried dating. For the most part it felt unnatural. I was already in my mid sixties. Then I lost my son, my only child, three years ago. My sister died last year after losing her husband the year before and my good friend and lunch companion departed after a short illness in February. My 15 year old cat and buddy, Gizmo died in September. No wonder I feel alone. I am so thankful for my dear friend Mike, who though many miles away, checks on me several times a day. And I am thankful for all the good people here at SF. It's OK to feel a little sad remembering those we loved and who loved us.
 
Grampa Don said:
I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I’m feeling blue this morning. It’s not the weather. The air is crisp but the sun is shining. I’m just feeling very alone. I miss love. I love my boys, my daughter in law, and my granddaughter. But, it’s not the same.

I feel like I’m back as an awkward introvert teenage boy wishing I had someone’s hand to hold who would give me affection and accept mine. Then I found someone and we spent our life together. Now she’s gone. It’s been a little over a year, but it still hurts.

She was my rock. We had some spats, but she was always there for me. We took care of each other. I worried about her and she worried about me. I watched her health deteriorate and worried more.

I know I’m very lucky. I have a comfortable home and enough money to pay the bills. And my sons give me lots of support. And, I know that I am far from being alone. Millions of people have been through this. Maybe you have. But, damn I miss her.
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@Grampa Don Don, the first years are the hardest when we lose a loved one. That is what happened to me, too. I was feeling lonely, but over time, I grew to look outward instead of inward. Why? Because I knew my late husband was still with me. He visited me in my dreams. There were remnants of his life still with me, like the wonderful cards he wrote to me (Valentine's Day, Mother's Day), and the many photos. For the first two years, I would visit his grave weekly with my son and take flowers. Now, ten years later, I do not visit as often. We also celebrated his birthday, my son and I, those first two years.

Then there were the memories that kept me company, and like you, we had favorite songs. We also had favorite movies. Sometimes, the first few years after his passing, I would talk to him before going to sleep, and he would answer back. I know it sounds weird, but it helped me a lot. Now, I do not think of him as often as I did the first few years, but whenever I do, I usually write a poem for him and share it.

I am making new friends and living my life fully. I do not have a companion or love interest. I don't know if I will ever have that special feeling again, but I am content. The SF has helped bridge the gap. Also, church, family, and the senior center.
 
Alizerine said:
I lost my husband years ago. After some time I tried dating. For the most part it felt unnatural. I was already in my mid sixties. Then I lost my son, my only child, three years ago. My sister died last year after losing her husband the year before and my good friend and lunch companion departed after a short illness in February. My 15 year old cat and buddy, Gizmo died in September. No wonder I feel alone. I am so thankful for my dear friend Mike, who though many miles away, checks on me several times a day. And I am thankful for all the good people here at SF. It's OK to feel a little sad remembering those we loved and who loved us.
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oooh Alzerine , I;m so sorry you;ve been through such terrible grief in just such a short time.. unbearable to think about,... 🤗 🤗
 
If you do choose to get "back in the game" it is probably a good idea to take enough time first. You want to be a new person, not saddle a new interest with a past you haven't moved on from. That sounders harsher than intended, sorry.
 
Grampa Don said:
I really do appreciate your comments and suggestions. Right now, assuming there were a woman with any interest in me, I would feel like I was cheating if I dated someone. Anyway, I'm an 84 year old introvert with marginal Asperger's, so I'm not exactly hot property.

My wife loved John Denver. I have a stack of his albums and CD's.
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I find you to be very good looking. My husband would be 86 if he made it. He was very handsome too.

Yes, I'm shallow, so you can depend on my word!
 
Grampa Don said:
I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I’m feeling blue this morning. It’s not the weather. The air is crisp but the sun is shining. I’m just feeling very alone. I miss love. I love my boys, my daughter in law, and my granddaughter. But, it’s not the same.

I feel like I’m back as an awkward introvert teenage boy wishing I had someone’s hand to hold who would give me affection and accept mine. Then I found someone and we spent our life together. Now she’s gone. It’s been a little over a year, but it still hurts.

She was my rock. We had some spats, but she was always there for me. We took care of each other. I worried about her and she worried about me. I watched her health deteriorate and worried more.

I know I’m very lucky. I have a comfortable home and enough money to pay the bills. And my sons give me lots of support. And, I know that I am far from being alone. Millions of people have been through this. Maybe you have. But, damn I miss her.
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I'm so sorry, it is extremely hard when you have lost your partner in life. It takes a long time, to adapt to a new way of life I'm sure. That loneliness is terrible. I'm glad you've shared your feelings here and hope it helps.
 
Don your post rings so true to me. My wife and I are in our 70's and we know that at anytime one of us will be alone, after being together since we were kids...I already fear that time for me or my wife.

I watched my mother and my wife's, father go though this time in their lives and it was difficult for them. But, I did learn from them. First I do not think most of us can 'focus' or think about replacing our spouse, it just is not a natural thing to do when you lose a lifelong love. So I don't recommend looking for another friend. Second, change your daily routine and get active doing things you have enjoyed doing in your life will help minimize the free time you have to think about your loss and loneliness. Of course, if you have time to 'preplan' some of this before you are alone, all the better.

For me getting back to a church once and a while would help me for sure. Meeting some people and getting back to church in general cannot hurt to get one though the grief process. Going back to favorite hobbies and activities that I enjoyed during my lifetime. What a better thing to do is go back and start again doing things your really used to enjoy. For me that would be building model airplanes, woodworking, and going to watch high school football and wrestling. All of that us very uplifting for me and would bring joy to my heart...I am sure I can think of many other things....the key is to do something, don't just sit home!

Most importantly....do something! Don't just sit home and feel bad! Work at working though it!
 
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