There are many things that happen that I would not post here. I do respect their privacy. There are things that upset me and make me think twice. It is not my place to get in the middle of it. My only desire it to make sure my son is okay with it, if he is, I shall be too!
I need advice/help with question about son
- Thread starter Blessed
- Start date
There are many things that happen that I would not post here. I do respect their privacy. There are things that upset me and make me think twice. It is not my place to get in the middle of it. My only desire it to make sure my son is okay with it, if he is, I shall be too!
I was making fun of myself. Gee whiz.
Jules
SF VIP
I know how I was with my family and in-laws. I didn’t want any questions of any kind.
Has your son ever asked you to go out to lunch alone? Does he ever come over to your house on his own. It’s not that he doesn’t love you. Either that’s not his nature or he‘s afraid of you enquiring into his life with his wife or his child.
Sorry to hear that you have been thru such a ordeal. My son does not have any health problems, if he did there is no way anyone will keep me a way. Someone would get phycially hurt in that case. I would take anything but if he was sick I would be there one way or another! I do not interfere, I do not call unless it a message he has left me or an emergency. Or to pick something up, normally food related that I picked up for them on sale. They both like and appreciate the special treats.
Sorry if I misunderstood. I know you are a great person from your threads but I still need to learn your sense of humor.
Yes he does come over on his own. He comes and works his butt off doing the yard work, things in the house like changing light bulbs so I do not have to get on a ladder. Does anything I ask, bring in cases of water, big bags of dog food from the trunk of my car. Once he is done, I don't feel right keeping him from getting home to his family. I know they should be his priority not me. Hard for me to admit but his Dad, (my husband) put work, other family members above everything. He just was not here during my son's childhood. He would chose work matters (union stuff) and other peoples needs over coming to the son's school events, soccer games, concerts(son played the trumpet) so many things. My son does not want his son to feel second best in anything. He lived it, we never discussed it but he would sometimes let me know that he was sad Dad was not there during an event.
No worries. If you weren't sure I'm glad you asked.
No, I would not ask her, she might be offended by that. I want to spend time with my son alone? Lord knows what would run thru her mind. I just want to know if they are okay. In this day and age it is common for some struggling with financial matters. For instance, a few years ago for Christmas I gave my son a gift of seeing the gastroenterologist to have his esophagus stretched. He has a genetic related condition where he has strictures that can make swallowing difficult. My Mom had the problem, my son and my nephew both suffer from the same condition.
He did not have insurance at the time. I asked him if he was having problems about the time it might be to have the procedure done again. He did not want to tell me so I would not worry about it. When I asked, he admitted it was bothering him. I called the doctor and they gave me the rate for an insured patient. It was only $1700. so I scheduled it. These are the things I need to know. I don't think he would say this in front of DIL, men need to be men, they don;t like to admit something is wrong.
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No, this is only about my son. I can relate to you, my MIL would call holidays mornings, everyone is here, where are you. We would rush to get out of the house and no one else had arrived. LOL I loved my MIL, I still don't understand why she did these crazy things. We were there every holiday, could spend the day and then she would fuss, we were going to my Mom's for dessert. I will never understand it!!
My son has asked me for Christmas day. It would be him, wife and grandson and Dil mother, also a widow. I have said no, as these days, I am up all night and sleep during the day. Second reason, I have some problems in my neck, bulging discs, and severe narrowing of the spinal cord structure of the cervical spinal cord. What it comes down to is incontinence. I have not told my son yet. I can manage it at home but I am not going to any ones home to pee my pants. LOL I see an orthopedic surgeon after the first of the year to see if they can fix it.
@Blessed
Perhaps you could mention that you have medical problems that won't allow for you to be away from home? They should be able to understand that, I would hope.
Yes, my DIL is a strong willed person. I just do not want to cause any problem betweend them or us. My son does come over, He does my yard work and helps in the house with things on a ladder or getting down on the floor, both of which are hard for me.
He does not have a lunch hour where we could meet. He works two jobs right now. Personal trainer at a gym and real estate in the evenings.
When he is here, I just stay out of the way, send him home as quickly as I can. I don't think he gets enough sleep as it is.
You are right, I would never complain to him about this. Knowing men, they just go back and say, everything is fine.....when the reality is the child ran a fever and threw up last night LOL
I never do that, I do not like to put anyone in the position of giving any kind of gift for any occasion. It is the person that decides if a gift should be given, even if is just and Wednesday and the sun came up. Now, with kids, I always try to give a gift everyday, reading a book, going to the park, making a favorite food. Just the ordinary things that make for a great life.
He knows that I do not sleep at night and spend the greater part of the day sleeping. I want to wait until after I see the surgeon about my neck and the other. If I have to have surgery, I don't want to make him worry until I know what I need to do. Does that make sense?
It makes sense to me, as I tend to never divulge health issues to my family. I don't like people fussing over
me.
Tish
SF VIP
- Location
- Rural N.S.W. Australia
^Brilliant Idea.
Looks like he's kind of complicit. I'm sure it's very complicated.
I always let him choose, he will ususally pick something the grandson enjoys as well, nothing better than two happy boys. If I got to pick it would be a japanese place that does the best teppenyaki, I would be after chicken, shrimp and beef filet. The sad thing is they are not open for lunch, only dinner. I might treat the whole family over the holidays!
Lara
Friend of the Arts
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic Coast
Just keep in mind that anything you say to your son in private may be shared with his wife. Maybe men don't do that but women sure do.
An "ah hah" moment I experienced with my married daughter...when she got married, she switched allegiance with me and instead shared everything I said with him...as it should be. He became #1 in her life. Confidentialities move over to the spouse at "I do". It's natural and healthy.
If your adult son is anything like my adult son, he no longer wants to be questioned or mothered or pushed in a direction he doesn't choose himself. I would always say "but a mother is a mother forever", or "that's my job"...until I finally got it.
An "ah hah" moment I experienced with my married daughter...when she got married, she switched allegiance with me and instead shared everything I said with him...as it should be. He became #1 in her life. Confidentialities move over to the spouse at "I do". It's natural and healthy.
If your adult son is anything like my adult son, he no longer wants to be questioned or mothered or pushed in a direction he doesn't choose himself. I would always say "but a mother is a mother forever", or "that's my job"...until I finally got it.
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OneEyedDiva
SF VIP
- Location
- New Jersey
"I'd love to take you to dinner so we can have some mother/son time" or words to that affect. It doesn't have to be complicated...no need to explain or be apologetic for not including his wife. For over a decade, my sister talked about us going out with just our sons for lunch or dinner. Due to their busy schedules (my nephew often traveled the country for his job and my son used to drive long distance truck and work 6 or 7 days) we finally did it in July. She didn't invite her SO and my nephew didn't invite his GF. If my DIL was still living, I'm sure she wouldn't have had a problem with it.
Jules
SF VIP
Wise thoughts.
Lord God, things are getting out of control. There is no big fight, I just want to spend sometime with my son, alone. I do not want anybody intruding on that time. I just miss him, is it that hard to understand. If I had a choice I would take him on vacation, just to spend time, eat, drink, be merry. I just want a lunch or dinner right now. It is the holidays, my husband, his Dad died twelve years ago this month. I just need my son, just need that connection. I know my DIL gets it she lost her Dad 2 years ago this month as well. She is spending lots of time with her Mom. I just want some time with my son. What is so hard about that.
For him, now that is not possible. Maybe when son and DIL can get away I will take all (grandson) on a beach vacation. My son and DIL can go and do things they want. I would watch and have fun with my grandson. It will be a fun trip for all!!
For him, now that is not possible. Maybe when son and DIL can get away I will take all (grandson) on a beach vacation. My son and DIL can go and do things they want. I would watch and have fun with my grandson. It will be a fun trip for all!!
That is what we do, you and I!