I Visited my Parents and Grandparents Graves Today. Very Sad.

Ruth n Jersey

Well-known Member
I try to visit the families graves about twice a year. At holiday time and also in the spring. I put artificial flowers because I'm not there to care for real ones. It is a couple of hours away and I don't drive that far anymore.
Today I was shocked to see shrubs that my dad had planted cut down. Not just ours but all that were growing in the area.
It looked so barren.

I had been nursing them along for years and trimmed them by hand because there is no way to use electric trimmers.. The last few years the cemetery did a nice job of trimming them which I was happy to see.
The deed says perpetual care. The first owners never did anything.

I think they probably figured it was a lot of work maintaining the shrubs so they cut them down.
I'm not sure if they had a right to cut them down but I suppose they do. Some places don't even allow flowers.
I was thinking of calling but it wouldn't bring back the shrubs.
I'm still sad about it though.
I just had to vent.
 

I try to visit the families graves about twice a year. At holiday time and also in the spring. I put artificial flowers because I'm not there to care for real ones. It is a couple of hours away and I don't drive that far anymore.
Today I was shocked to see shrubs that my dad had planted cut down. Not just ours but all that were growing in the area.
It looked so barren.

I had been nursing them along for years and trimmed them by hand because there is no way to use electric trimmers.. The last few years the cemetery did a nice job of trimming them which I was happy to see.
The deed says perpetual care. The first owners never did anything.

I think they probably figured it was a lot of work maintaining the shrubs so they cut them down.
I'm not sure if they had a right to cut them down but I suppose they do. Some places don't even allow flowers.
I was thinking of calling but it wouldn't bring back the shrubs.
I'm still sad about it though.
I just had to vent.
Sorry that happened.Maybe you could ask them why they cut them.There are shrubs (evergreen) on either side of one of my family gravestones that I trim down a little every year.The groundskeeper told me that eventually the roots could tip the stone,and advised me it might be a good idea to cut them down.That was 4 years ago and I'm still thinking about it.
 

It took me years to find out where my mum was buried in York. I found the grave number through my research and from that, me and my siblings put up a headstone about 40+ years later. I had visited the graveyard on a couple of occasions but didn't know where she was buried because of the lack of information, that was really hard for me. But finally when I found, after 30 years of research, where she was buried I was told that I had needed the consent of my father who had killed her, to place a headstone. He did give the ok. I cannot express the grief trying to find the plot where our mum was buried for many many years. But we found her. This is not just my story but many many people in war situations who feel the same. To know where your loved ones are 'buried' or in the case of war etc had their final resting place is so important psychologically to those left behind .Just saying ā˜ŗļø
 
My family plot is in New Jersey, and I am in California. I have no plans to visit it. The only 2 times in my life I visited were when my parents passed away and were buried there.
 
It's the same in my area.

The cemeteries are attempting to control costs by doing what they can to reduce the cost of perpetual care.

If the plants send up new shoots in the spring it might be nice to dig up a clump to plant in the yard at home.
 
When my Dad died suddenly aged 59 I was only 25 and I was shattered by his loss. He was cremated and his ashes were scattered without marker on one of the rose gardens at the cemetery.

To console myself I planted a tree in the back yard; a flowering gum tree because he loved them very much. It was a great comfort to me to look out our kitchen window and watch the tree as it grew and flowered.

Unfortunately it was planted over the sewer main that runs through our yard. I did not realise at the time that I had chosen a Tasmanian Blue Gum, one of Australia's tallest trees. The tree thrived, grew rapidly and eventually its roots blocked the sewer line causing the neighbours' toilets to block up. After the second time this happened we decided that the tree had to go and it was cut down. I was sad about this for a while until I realised that I no longer needed its comforting presence. Dad lives on in my happy memories and in remembered sayings. I remember the flowers that he liked to plant in his garden and the food he fed us as children. Most of all, I remember the values he lived by and passed on to his daughters.

Ruth, my advice to you is not to fret over the shrubs at the cemetery. Plant similar ones where you live now in a place where you will see them daily. As you go about your routine activities, when you water the shrubs, your thoughts will be of your parents and you will, like me, smile as you recall little things and happy moments that you shared with them.
 
In the 1960's Detroit and it's suburbs were booming.
Three rural suburbs bulldozed local cemeteries to build track houses.
How did they do this?

The graves were well over fifty years old, the relatives moved away, and various other reasons.
The townships went to court alleging unpaid taxes and other shenanigans.
No one showed up at the hearings, nor were the taxes paid= bring in the bulldozers.
So much for the sanctity of graveyards.

Rural graveyards in my area and your area remain intact, only because developers
are not lusting for the real estate.
 


Back
Top