I want to move, husband refuses

wow I wouldn't want to live in an 55+ community either at that age. Searching on realtor.com or where-ver for housing might be the first step

Otherwise a few visits from police and being surrounded by section 8 and some partiers isn't a reason for you to break up a marriage. For Richer or Poorer, in sickness and in health, remember.

I do sympathize, really.....this is so rough but it cannot be all about you and exactly where you want to live like right there in that place but not away from family. Not saying it is but just a gentle reminder

He is the man of the house so you need to listen to your husband. Gentle nudging to show him how great another home is, area, etc... maybe in the neighborhood but not right next door to partiers is the solution. This seems so frustrating, sorry you are enduring this. Hopefully you both can go visit some vacant homes for fun to get out and expand his mind to the idea. Expecting him to uproot upon just a concept might be too much. Slowly ease him into it by visiting various homes for fun on a Sunday. Keep it lighthearted. Don't ask too many questions of him, just tour places. Ease up for a while.
Good luck to you both!

just realized how old this thread is....wonder whats been happening
 

Peridot, the OP , has not been back since a day or two after posting this message. So, we need to take that into consideration before responding further. Guess she will work things out.
 
I'm still here! LOL Nothing has changed. My hubby has fallen several times in the house due to his hip issues since my first post. We have a large step from basement to garage, and a large step from den to living room. Yep, he's fallen on both of them. I forgot to mention he's on disability with a bad hip. He had replacement hip surgery last year, two weeks into recovery he fell on the garage step, did a split and dislocated his femur and damaged his new hip. It is going to take a long time for him to heal. He has other health issues too so we don't know if he'll ever go back to work. He's had health issues for 10 years. Still won't move though. We have discussed moving to the over 55 community multiple times to no avail. Right now I'm hanging in there.....Will keep you posted. Thank you for listening!
 
Peridot said:
I'm still here! LOL Nothing has changed. My hubby has fallen several times in the house due to his hip issues since my first post. We have a large step from basement to garage, and a large step from den to living room. Yep, he's fallen on both of them. I forgot to mention he's on disability with a bad hip. He had replacement hip surgery last year, two weeks into recovery he fell on the garage step, did a split and dislocated his femur and damaged his new hip. It is going to take a long time for him to heal. He has other health issues too so we don't know if he'll ever go back to work. He's had health issues for 10 years. Still won't move though. We have discussed moving to the over 55 community multiple times to no avail. Right now I'm hanging in there.....Will keep you posted. Thank you for listening!
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Hope things work out for you. Sorry about your hubby's falls and I hope he's doing OK.
 
Peridot said:
Sassycakes, thank you for the vote of confidence! I hope you are doing well since you have moved.
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Things are working out really well. Hubby wanted to do some remodeling and he loves changing things around. In a few days we'll be having a walk-in tub installed and that will make me happy.It's been a real change for me,but I am adjusting. I wish you a great deal of luck and I hope it all goes well with you and your husband.
 
Based on the information given thus far, it sounds like your husband needs the feeling of security: both in the house AND in the job he once had. Remember, he may not truly understand his own emotional needs for security. If that is true then he certainly can't explain it to you. It is possible that moving may actually frighten him. But, if that is the case it is highly unlikely that he'd ever admit it to you.

That being said, you may very well have some powerful leverage in this matter.
1.) If you move and he falls and breaks more bones, who will make the call for help. He needs you more than he knows.
2.) Who is the cook in the house ? You or him ? If it is you, he may not like having to fend for himself.

What ever you do, I would NOT advise giving him an ultimatum. To do so could create a never-ending anger on his part. If you decide to move, then do so, and invite him to go with you. But be aware that he could then turn around and blame YOU for the separation/break-up, as in, "She is the one to leave ME". People, male and female, rarely take well to being forced to do something against their will.

Last thought. Do you have any friends in the community you would like to move to ? Friends about the same ages as you and your husband ? If so, perhaps you could arrange a week-end afternoon where you and he could participate in one of the activities you mention, most especially an activity he enjoys.
 
Outdoorsygal said:
He is the man of the house so you need to listen to your husband.
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I disagree with this notion completely -- and I'm a man. You can listen to your man if you want. If you don't want to listen, don't. You've won the freedom to do that, too.
Women can do whatever they want.
Peridot: you go, girl!
 
Was hoping to read that you are settled in a suitable home that you love by now,
particularly as the original home was yours long before he came along.
Is it a power/ control thing that your husband is insisting that you stay in the old place,
doesn't sound like it is good for him either with unsuitable steps etc.
 
Good answer, SeaBreeze....I can hear what Peridot is talking about...My husband is easy....He would move to another home if I really wanted to....But at our age it's a hassle...We discussed
moving many times but deciding where to live at our age, we just don't need the aggravation....We almost bought a home in another State, last year...But hubby got sick and we decided to
stay were we are because of his Doctors and treatments....I do love my home....I don't love some people that don't take care of their homes...Only 2 on our block, the rest of the neighbors
take care of their property....Hope Peridot makes a decistion....♥
 
Comment on stubborness/inflexibility

Butterfly said:
I agree, and after all, it is HER house.
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Even in the very first post Peridot made, I wondered if there is some sort of fear in her hubby, as stubbornness and inflexibility often mask fear, something he would be unaware of and would never admit anyway. Some people are so fearful of change, they are always looking out for a threat to the status quo, and they view perceived "risk" as dangerous. My husband was adamant we should not move our large, dining table next to a wall in our tiny home (years ago.) The table was out in the center of the floor and took up a lot of precious space. I gracefully dropped the subject even though I disagreed. Months later, while he was at work, I moved the table to where I wanted it to be, next to the wall. When he got home, he totally had forgotten about our previous discussion, (perhaps because I was so low-key about it?) and he heartily approved of how the table looked in its new location. I never forgot this lesson and this insight into his personality. A wife can give a much needed sense of security to a husband like this. As resentment builds in the wife, it can be so tempting to pose an ultimatum. This is a big mistake with the personality type we are speaking of in the husband, since he would feel attacked. Even at the beginning, in your first post, Peridot, I noticed your husband had experienced some health issues. Health issues, even at the young age of 58, can undermine a person's sense of coping with the world in general. He may often feel overwhelmed and even may have an undiagnosed general anxiety disorder. (I apologize for throwing this in, but ...could be.) If he does have this, it is not the end of the world; you just learn to manage it, and being aware is empowering.
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Oh, and, Butterfly, I did not mean to have a quote from you here and was not replying to you, just am replying in general. I'm still learning to use the forum.
 

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