If I had a do over, I would have.....

I would have been kinder and more helpful to my mother when I was growing up and even later right up until her death when I was 38 and she was 65. I had a lot of anger at the time because she was a hoarder, the type you see on TV in the "Buried Alive -- Hoarders" show. My mom suffered from depression and poor health. She made it impossible to help her or at lest that's how I felt. In looking back I could have at lest been kinder to her. She had a horrible childhood and married an alcoholic, then lost 3 of her 6 children. One at birth, one in a car accident at age 6 and one to cancer at age 25. Through all that she always made sure we knew she loved us and we were the most important things in her life. I didn't realize until recent years how much she meant to her grandchildren.
 

I would have had a career. Not sure what I would have done but I know now that I have wasted my intellect. I've simply drifted along, taking life as it came with no thought for the future.
 
Ladybj said:
I am very truthful. As I stated, if you knew my story, you would fully understand. I am very content in my life right now regardless of my challenges. Yes, I have challenges however, I have to remind myself of how blessed I am. I think I remember which post was pulled. A new day brings new perspective. I am continuing to work on self, therefore next week post can be different as well. I appreciate your thoughts and feed back. No, my friend is just a long distant friend.. we are both where we need to be in life.
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You don't have to reply, but did you have the talk with hubby and come to an understanding and a resolution? If the ''problem'' can't be resolved, I would not cheat but would get a divorce. You're too young and too full of life to live the rest of your life like a nun. I don't want to say too much ''mature'' content and get Matrix in trouble.
 

Ladybj said:
Married my Soul Mate. However we both were so young when we met. Long story short. We lost contact for years but reconnected. I am married he is divorced but in a relationship. We keep in touch..every now and then. He shared with me that we will always have a bond that cannot be broken not even by us. I sooooo agree. He shared with me that when we spent time together, it was so easy...not hard at all. We could be ourselves.. we felt FREE. I agree. He shared with me I can always call him anytime I need to talk or need a smile. PRICELESS!!!
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IMHO no good can come from this unless you're both planning to flush your current relationships.

If my husband were in contact with someone from an earlier era in his life - someone he considered his Soul Mate, no less - I would be crushed beyond words. Knowing they were stoking this fantasy would be no less cheating than if I caught them in bed together.

You're playing with fire, no matter how you want to spin it.
 
StarSong said:
IMHO no good can come from this unless you're both planning to flush your current relationships.

If my husband were in contact with someone from an earlier era in his life - someone he considered his Soul Mate, no less - I would be crushed beyond words. Knowing they were stoking this fantasy would be no less cheating than if I caught them in bed together.

You're playing with fire, no matter how you want to spin it.
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Thank you.. I do understand your point of view which I agree to some degree. He is not a fantasy or anything..nothing like that. I rarely talk to him, he has is own issues. When my brother died years ago and hubby and I were close to divorce.. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown, he was someone that I could talk to. However, my counselor helped even more and that's who I leaned on the most... my counselor. My friend and I were not meant to be together and I would not have an affair on my hubby with him...NOOOOOOO. No matter what issues hubby and I are having, its not worth having an affair. My ex best friend and my hubby were pretty close. He knew her before him and I met. I thought the two of them would end up together but they didn't.
 
Catlady said:
You don't have to reply, but did you have the talk with hubby and come to an understanding and a resolution? If the ''problem'' can't be resolved, I would not cheat but would get a divorce. You're too young and too full of life to live the rest of your life like a nun. I don't want to say too much ''mature'' content and get Matrix in trouble.
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Yes...issue resolved. I agree. I did not mean to use the word "mature" I used that as oppose to older. Lesson learned..but thank you. I would divorce before I have an affair.
 
I wouldn't "do over" anything in my life!!! Still married to my husband, almost 55 years....We met in High School.....So, we had Nothing
but we persevered.....Hubby worked his whole life from when he was 16 years old....We had 2 babies....early in our life....Our both children do well....They both went to college, It was very hard for us, but we wanted both of them to get a college education....We didn't get any
help for the education....We paid it all!!! It took many years but we are OK....They now are both putting their kids to college...One is
done and getting married this year....the other girl is a Nurse, and my daughter's son is in college and their daughter has 2 years more of
School....She will go to college also....
I did work in a school for 25 years as a Secretary...I was lucky to get the job...The new school in our town was building a new High School...
while I was working in the lunchroom....One of the Vice President of the school asked me to take over to be his Secretary in his office..
That's how it started my job as a Secretary....I then went to the new High School and was the Secretary in the Office....
My husband worked in NYC ….2 hours away...
 
I try not to have regrets just realizing that I need to learn from life experiences and to improve myself with time and also to be happy with the successes that I’ve had which are many with dear Gods grace. Lastly to be thankful for every day that I’m alive and to help those around me who need help and to love everyone I come in contact with which is my number one priority....l❤️❤️❤️❤️
 
Lc jones said:
I try not to have regrets just realizing that I need to learn from life experiences and to improve myself with time and also to be happy with the successes that I’ve had which are many with dear Gods grace. Lastly to be thankful for every day that I’m alive and to help those around me who need help and to love everyone I come in contact with which is my number one priority....l❤❤❤❤
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That's how I feel. I have no regrets because I learned from life experiences.. and boy have they taught me sooooo much. I have so much mental strength than I did 10 years ago. Been through soooo much, as we all have. When I got it all together, I knew I would not go to that dark place every again.. and so far, so GOOD. You sound like me.. you have a big heart of LOVE!! May God continue you on your journey with Grace and Love.
♥♥😍
 
Ladybj said:
That's how I feel. I have no regrets because I learned from life experiences.. and boy have they taught me sooooo much. I have so much mental strength than I did 10 years ago. Been through soooo much, as we all have. When I got it all together, I knew I would not go to that dark place every again.. and so far, so GOOD. You sound like me.. you have a big heart of LOVE!! May God continue you on your journey with Grace and Love.
♥♥😍
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Thanks for your encouragement Lady! ❤️
 
I have learned in my 60 years, Life Happens.. I am learning to go with the flow and be true to myself. I accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can. All in all, I can say I am blessed and very content. That has a LOT to do with accepting what I cannot change and working on me.. but most importantly, WORKING ON INNER SELF. PRICELESS!!! And lastly, not trying to please everybody... that is sooo draining....practically IMPOSSIBLE!!
 
Ladybj said:
Not sure how you determined I am not being truthful from the post I wrote that was pulled from the moderator... from my post saying I have no regrets and I have a blessed life. That is a very true statement regardless of the issue I was having with my hubby... I am very blessed and grateful. The post that was pulled I was expressing something that I was going through and was looking for feedback from those older than me. Hubby and I had a good serious talk and are on the right track. I love him dearly and is having a fulfilled life with him..(no marriage is perfect..we have challenges) married 35 years and counting. As for my friend, we rarely talk and never see each other. I am where I need to be and want to be in life and so is he. As my thread stated, If I had a do over, and things were different in our life, I would have married my friend but it was not meant to be. And I have no regrets in marrying my hubby..he's a good man.
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I find your posts confusing, but maybe that's just me. I apologize if any offense was taken. I did not mean to upset you, BJ. I am very glad to hear that you and your husband are back on track. Congrats!
 
treeguy64 said:
I feel what you've written, above, does not jibe with what you wrote in a thread that was pulled by our moderator. Also, your friend you're so attuned to seems like someone with whom you could live a much more fulfilled life.
I know folks are certainly free to spin their lives any way they choose, online, but some of us remember what folks wrote in previous threads, and get the feeling that some posters are just not being truthful for whatever reasons there may be. Oh well.....
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now I feel I've missed out on some goss... I didn't even read the thread after I'd read the OP< because it was no interest to me , and or not something I could advise on, sorry @Ladybj , nothing personal and I don't mean to make light of a subject which is causing you angst ...but now I've just read @Treeguys' post and I'm curious now who might have been being a little disingenuous 😂

ETA...ooh just ignore this post , it's just a bit of stupidity....😞
 
hollydolly said:
now I feel I've missed out on some goss... I didn't even read the thread after I'd read the OP< because it was no interest to me , and or not something I could advise on, sorry @Ladybj , nothing personal and I don't mean to make light of a subject which is causing you angst ...but now I've just read @Treeguys' post and I'm curious now who might have been being a little disingenuous 😂

ETA...ooh just ignore this post , it's just a bit of stupidity....😞
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No apologies when you speak truth. Hubby and I worked through it. Its not stupidity by no means.
 
Marlene said:
If I had it to do over, I would not marry again after divorcing my kids' father since it was the worst decision of my entire life (which has been rectified, by the way)
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Glad to hear it was rectified. I am not sure if I would marry again either if my husband pass away before me.
 
I definitely wouldn't marry again if my husband passes or we divorce. Unless.I was destitute and a millionaire offered..:unsure: but in reality I would never want to marry again. I just couldn't take on anyone else baggage at this stage in my life.
 
Pepper said:
If I had a do over, I would have.....
not said those things.
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I'm not someone who regrets saying things..I'm quite careful to try and not say things which would hurt people's feelings and which I can't take back, but if I say something bad to someone it's because I really mean it and I feel they deserved it , and I wouldn't regret saying it.
 
I wish I'd been a more powerful, assertive teenager, which might have stopped some of the family sexual abuse. It would have saved me a lot of anguish, not to mention time and money with therapists later in life.

The other do over would be to have more patience when raising my children - the kind of patience I have with my grands.
 

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