I'm Fat. I Still Get Hungry.

PeppermintPatty said:
You need to get rid of the FOG immediately. This isn’t healthy or fair for either one of you.
Elderly people can and do get demanding and abusive and unfortunately people like you become doormats in these type of relationships. You seem to have a difficult time sticking up for yourself and believing you deserve better.

Call your government health organizations for the elderly and tell them you need help. You are not qualified for this type of situation and it’s stressing you out. That obvious.

He is your primary source of your stress and that’s why you can’t lose weight right now.
Deal with your stress source first then work on your diet. In the meantime, take deep breaths and just eat WELL. Nutritious filled foods.
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My post was made thinking he lived with you. I saw your post @Remy but it didn’t quite register. I read one thing and thought another.
 

PeppermintPatty said:
You need to get rid of the FOG immediately. This isn’t healthy or fair for either one of you.
Elderly people can and do get demanding and abusive and unfortunately people like you become doormats in these type of relationships. You seem to have a difficult time sticking up for yourself and believing you deserve better.

Call your government health organizations for the elderly and tell them you need help. You are not qualified for this type of situation and it’s stressing you out. That obvious.

He is your primary source of your stress and that’s why you can’t lose weight right now.
Deal with your stress source first then work on your diet. In the meantime, take deep breaths and just eat WELL. Nutritious filled foods.
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I went over this morning. He had some things he wanted me to take to PAWS thrift store, which I did. Seems he's just about clearing out all my mother's stuff. But her ashes remain on top of the cabinet and I've suggested he have them interned.

He says he never should have married her. True. I've told him he should have left her when he realized what she was like. He said he should have never left Santa Cruza (California) I told him he could never go back now, too expensive. He says he sits there all day and stares at the TV and that's his whole life. I told him I didn't know what to do for him. I don't know what to do with him. I almost suggested assisted living but I don't think that would solve anything. And it's so expensive. I don't even think his income would cover it. If his mobile were sold, that could supplement.
 
Remy said:
I went over this morning. He had some things he wanted me to take to PAWS thrift store, which I did. Seems he's just about clearing out all my mother's stuff. But her ashes remain on top of the cabinet and I've suggested he have them interned.

He says he never should have married her. True. I've told him he should have left her when he realized what she was like. He said he should have never left Santa Cruza (California) I told him he could never go back now, too expensive. He says he sits there all day and stares at the TV and that's his whole life. I told him I didn't know what to do for him. I don't know what to do with him. I almost suggested assisted living but I don't think that would solve anything. And it's so expensive. I don't even think his income would cover it. If his mobile were sold, that could supplement.
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It’s really good that you had a talk with him.
I was serious about calling government services to see what’s available. There are often services you don’t know about until you start looking. He might qualify for assisted help.

When my parents needed help, I just kept calling places until I found people who could help. You need to keep this conversation open until some doors start opening.

Maybe you have this responsibility because you’re closer to him but maybe you have this responsibility because you can’t say NO!

You could set up an intervention meeting with your family once a month until you figure out a plan. Stress has a huge impact on how you metabolize your food. If you are stressed out, you mostly desire junk food cause it’s instant gratification. Trouble is, you can’t continue to live like this without some serious repercussions.
 

i am sorry you are dealing with all this.....
Not that this applies to you but when i am stressed or i am doing the best to not say something i might regret (spouse can be a real pain) i find myself nibbling on crackers or cheese whatever ... my stress and frustration has convinced me i am hungry ......i am not but unless i find something constructive to do i find myself wandering into kitchen and looking.

funny thing when he is not irritating me i can go all day barely aware if i even ate....
 
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I had my Wellness Checkup a few weeks ago. I gained 6 pounds since last year this time and shrank a half inch. I am now only 5 feet 11 inches tall. That’s my first height loss. My wife said she noticed the difference, but didn’t want me to worry about it. I am working on losing the 6 pounds and have lost 2 so far.
 
911 said:
I had my Wellness Checkup a few weeks ago. I gained 6 pounds since last year this time and shrank a half inch. I am now only 5 feet 11 inches tall. That’s my first height loss. My wife said she noticed the difference, but didn’t want me to worry about it. I am working on losing the 6 pounds and have lost 2 so far.
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Great on the 2 pounds! Do you plan to stop at the 6 mark, or go further? @911
 
I wonder what the difference is that when anxiety/stress is extremely high, some people turn to eating excessively and others find that they couldn't possibly eat? I've always wondered that. 🤷‍♀️
 
CallMeKate said:
I wonder what the difference is that when anxiety/stress is extremely high, some people turn to eating excessively and others find that they couldn't possibly eat? I've always wondered that. 🤷‍♀️
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I haven’t been stressed to the point where I wanted to eat or not eat. I did gain 3 pounds when I was in Florida last year and it made me mad at myself, so the next day I decided to take a day off from eating. All I had was water and 4 Graham crackers. I thought I would lose about 2 pounds. I didn’t lose or gain anything. Stayed the same.
 
Remy said:
I almost suggested assisted living but I don't think that would solve anything. And it's so expensive. I don't even think his income would cover it. If his mobile were sold, that could supplement.
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Have you looked into what he qualifies for? At his age just maybe his income and sale of his mobile would cover his stay.

At some point you may end up footing the expense for his death expenses. That you need to research before that has a negative impact on you.

You have to control how you deal with him, not the other way around. Taking control of your life & what you are willing to do beats weight gain every time.
 
Read the book “Always Hungry” by Dr. Ludwig.

It changed my life. I fell of the wagon for a few months and gained about 8 pounds. But, a month ago decided to take it seriously again. I lost four pounds in a month and I don’t go hungry. It may work for you or may not. We are all different. All I can do is share my experience.

Get the book for free from the library. If you think this way of eating will work for you, then spend the $$’s to buy the recipe book. The doctor’s wife is a chef, and she has a lot of good recipes. I especially recommend the Shepard’s pie.
 
Re fat & hungry: Me too Remy! :ROFLMAO:
Listen...your step father cannot force you to talk to him! He's in one house, you are in another. There is always the option of not answering the phone, or missing calling him sometimes. When you are ready...you call him. I think guilt (transferred on to you) about how your mother treated him is playing a big part in why he's able to manipulate you as he does. Seems everybody is being selfish but you! But you're paying the price for it. Time to get selfish yourself.
 
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I have heard people turn to food during stressful times. I watched a program on TV once called “My 600 Pound Life.” The woman said she gained all of her weight because she was often abused sexually as a child and started eating as an escape from reality. I believe she weighed just over 500 pounds on her first visit to the weight loss doctor.
 
Regarding food choices and you feeling hungry, and from your description in your first post it sounds like you eat allot of carbs.
All foods affect people in different ways , when I was eating way to many carbs ,I stacked on heaps of weight but always felt hungry because I was heading for diabetes due to consuming way to many foods that turn into to sugar in your body like cereals / anything made from flours or grains ( pre diabetes was confirmed by extensive blood tests )
Yes I’d tried diets over the years , but after my diabetes scare I became determined to move the weight that was causing my sugar levels to be at the pre diabetic stage.
So Im not ashamed to say I consulted a diet company who did a series of blood tests that also confirmed the pre diabetes , They made out a list of foods for me to consume to make my own meals using those ingredients
Which included 1 .1/2 slices of bread a day ,( no smoothies drinks ) just all mainly high protein foods , so in place of me having cereal and toast for breakfast I had yoghurt and maybe I slice of toast ….i lost almost 27 kg in 6 months and to this day no diabetes shows up in my blood tests.and I’ve basically stayed the same weight ever since
All this was back in 2009 and its my way of life / eating now days if I’m out and about and im hungry I head to the supermarket and buy a little tub of yoghurt and maybe an apple , where prior to that if buy a bread roll or a sweet yeast bun. @Remy
 
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@Ruthanne I was fully in denial of my weight till I got what i classed as a major health scare ,:cry::cry:when I was referred to the diabetes nurse and she handed me the list of complications associated with diabetes ……I can tell you ….it scared the hell outta me
:eek:
That’s not saying I haven’t tried diets in the past but they mainly consisted of packets of shakes ..nah that wasn’t for ME cause it doesn’t teach you to eat correct foods for your body’s liking , sure I’ve known quite a few who’ve used shakes and lots bucket loads of weight ..but as soon as they go back to eating the same foods as before the weight piles back on again.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Why is he forcing you to talk?
He shouldn’t be forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do.
Why can’t you tell him to bleep off ?
Do you live with him?
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At 94, her stepfather is probably lonely and is afraid of dying (and not being found til the smell alerts a neighbour). And if Remy cuts him off and that happens, she'll be left with a load of guilt that she'll shoulder all her life.
 
Debrah N. said:
At 94, her stepfather is probably lonely and is afraid of dying (and not being found til the smell alerts a neighbour). And if Remy cuts him off and that happens, she'll be left with a load of guilt that she'll shoulder all her life.
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This is true. I looked after my father in his 90’s and it’s certainly challenging. He’s now safe in a nursing home hopefully still with my mom. The people that look after him/ them are trained in what they do. There’s a LOT of guilt involved in caring for aging parents. Their personalities do change and they can become completely unpredictable at times. I had to cut my parents off but I planned the intervention that was NEEDED.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
This is true. I looked after my father in his 90’s and it’s certainly challenging. He’s now safe in a nursing home hopefully still with my mom. The people that look after him/ them are trained in what they do. There’s a LOT of guilt involved in caring for aging parents. Their personalities do change and they can become completely unpredictable at times. I had to cut my parents off but I planned the intervention that was NEEDED.
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I think most people reach the 'aging parents' phase of our lives and haven't bothered to make any plan. Good for you for being so far sighted.
 
Debrah N. said:
I think most people reach the 'aging parents' phase of our lives and haven't bothered to make any plan. Good for you for being so far sighted.
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Thank you. I’m not sure I’m worthy of such phrase. The responsibility seemed to fall in my lap ……at the time, I had an 8 year ‘no contact’ relationship with my parents.
It was suggested by my mental health professionals. This was sprung on me.

I could have walked away but chose not too. The choice came with lots of guilt, deception and perceived obligation on my part. After seeing them I couldn’t not care for them even after knowing they cut me out of their will some 30 years prior. If they had forgotten, it would have been easier to handle, but from their actions, they clearly hadn’t. If I didn’t care for them, I would have felt guilty for the rest of my life.

At one time, I thought it would be therapeutic to put my thoughts into words. The entire experience was so diabolically bitter sweet, I could write a book about it but won’t. 👏😂

Now I try and focus on 3 things each day that I’m grateful for. Breathing is one. Having a family to care for is two. Having food and shelter is three. I ‘seek & find’ the beauty of life. It soothes my soul. 🙏💕
 
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Knight said:
Have you looked into what he qualifies for? At his age just maybe his income and sale of his mobile would cover his stay.

At some point you may end up footing the expense for his death expenses. That you need to research before that has a negative impact on you.

You have to control how you deal with him, not the other way around. Taking control of your life & what you are willing to do beats weight gain every time.
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This is important. He might qualify for some type of care. Let them know, you need help.
Social services, Salvation Army, your local church. Does he qualify for Medicare. Ask professionals who know these things.
Hes ruminating about his wife/ your mom and his thoughts will become darker & darker if you don’t get some type of intervention.
See if he qualifies for intervention? Here the government pays for 1/2 the amount. Even if social services come by an hour a few times a week, it’s socializing which he needs. Even at 90, his mind and soul need healthy interaction and you, ‘me 🦌, need a break.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Thank you. I’m not sure I’m worthy of such phrase. The responsibility seemed to fall in my lap ……at the time, I had an 8 year ‘no contact’ relationship with my parents.
It was suggested by my mental health professionals. This was sprung on me.

I could have walked away but chose not too. The choice came with lots of guilt, deception and perceived obligation on my part. After seeing them I couldn’t not care for them even after knowing they cut me out of their will some 30 years prior. If they had forgotten, it would have been easier to handle, but from their actions, they clearly hadn’t. If I didn’t care for them, I would have felt guilty for the rest of my life.

At one time, I thought it would be therapeutic to put my thoughts into words. The entire experience was so diabolically bitter sweet, I could write a book about it but won’t. 👏😂

Now I try and focus on 3 things each day that I’m grateful for. Breathing is one. Having a family to care for is two. Having food and shelter is three. I ‘seek & find’ the beauty of life. It soothes my soul. 🙏💕
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You were in a really tough spot then and you deserve sympathy and kudos too, for rising to the occasion as you did. I think your daily priorities are right on the money. It's easy to get caught up in our pain and forget the good stuff.
 

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