IMO, Western Societies ought Encourage a return to Extended Families

David777

David777

Well-known Member
Location
Silicon Valley
In Japan, some senior women would rather live in prison among legally forced others than in free society in which they are ignored and isolated. The same issues occur in the modern era to some extent world wide in Western nations given how we gregarious humans have stopped living within extended families and local villages with many people dispersing upon reaching adulthood for employment, available residences, and preferred regional leisure choices.

That is just what I did after being discharged from the USAF after the Viet Name War. Instead of returning to my family, for employment and leisure choices, I chose to start my adult life in highly employable at that time Silicon Valley within California I considered to also have best natural resources to enjoy. That caused considerable pain to my parents that lived 2000 miles southeast but then my father for career had moved several times to different urban areas during my childhood that left me without a sense of roots and where they ended up, was unfamiliar.

I am one that believes our societies would be much better if we somehow economically encouraged extended families where relative others have much more incentive to helping each other than general society ever might. That is especially the case now since most women now with children have working careers that requires expensive child care that would work far more smoothly and less costly by their retired parents. Much more of course that is a primary subject of social and anthropological sciences.

Japan’s elderly are lonely and struggling. Some women choose to go to jail instead

The rooms are filled with elderly residents, their hands wrinkled and backs bent. They shuffle slowly down the corridors, some using walkers. Workers help them bathe, eat, walk and take their medication.

But this isn’t a nursing home – it’s Japan’s largest women’s prison. The population here reflects the aging society outside, and the pervasive problem of loneliness that guards say is so acute for some elderly prisoners that they’d prefer to stay incarcerated.

“There are even people who say they will pay 20,000 or 30,000 yen ($130-190) a month (if they can) live here forever,” said Takayoshi Shiranaga, an officer at Tochigi Women’s Prison located north of Tokyo, during an extremely rare visit granted to CNN in September...

How Did The Extended Family Help To Unite A Society
 

David777 said:
child care that would work far more smoothly and less costly by their retired parents.
Click to expand...
Not if retirement age is 67, IMO child care requires abilities to lift, run, balance, react quickly. Probably safer for child and grandparents to hire a young nanny person (male or female nanny).

ETA - plus risks of dementia, a child care person who forgets about the child would be alarming.
 

Economically encouraged? The only thing that causes generational dependence in the real world is poverty. 10 to a room. What you are pining for is a dead place where white men decide what's best for us all.

Family is the original commune. Communes in the sixties couldn't survive. I don't know what a kibbutz is nowadays.

We should be together because we want to, related or not, not forced to by economic dependency. I hate nostalgia. A story about a place that didn't exist and is bad for women.
 
Below is an excellent summary:

Living with Family: the Benefits of a Multi-Generational Home

A driving factor for many buyers looking at a multi-generational home is the economic benefit. One of the most significant advantages of multi-generational living is the potential for substantial cost savings. By sharing a single residence, families can save on almost all living expenses, including mortgage payments, utility bills, maintenance costs, and property taxes.

There may even be savings associated with food costs, childcare, care taking for elderly family members, pet sitting, lawn care, and more as the responsibilities can be more easily shared among all family members.

In a multi-generational home, household expenses such as groceries, utilities, and home maintenance can be divided among the adults, reducing the financial burden on any single individual or family unit. The key is not to assume how these things will go, and clearly communicate among all the adults in the home to make sure the expectations are aligned.

Living together in a multi-generational home fosters stronger family relationships. Daily interactions and shared experiences can create a deeper understanding and appreciation among family members. This closeness helps to build a supportive and loving family environment, and preserve family culture.

In a multi-generational household, family members can provide emotional support during challenging times. Whether it's helping with the care of an elderly parent, supporting a family member through illness, or offering guidance to young children, the presence of loved ones can be a comforting and stabilizing force. In fact, cultures around the world have lived multi-generationally for thousands of years. Currently in America there are about 3%-4% of homes that are multi-generational, but this is a uniquely low number across history and global cultures.

Sharing household responsibilities, such as cooking, cleaning, and maintenance, can reduce the workload for each individual. This collaborative approach not only makes daily life more manageable but also teaches younger family members valuable life skills and the importance of cooperation.

Another one of the primary reasons families choose multi-generational living is to provide care for aging parents or grandparents. Having elderly family members live in the same household allows for better monitoring of their health and well-being, ensuring they receive the care and attention they need. This arrangement can also delay or even eliminate the need for costly assisted living facilities, and makes it easier to provide the level of care you want to for your older relatives.

The same goes for childcare or caring for adults with disabilities. With grandparents or other family members available to help with childcare, parents can save on daycare costs or after-school care fees. Beyond the financial savings, there is the benefit of family being the caretakers, growing the bond and providing parents with confidence that their child is getting the best possible care.

Beyond the practical and financial benefits, families find that multi-generational homes provide a lifestyle that couldn't be replicated otherwise. Multi-generational living can help preserve cultural traditions, languages, and values. Grandparents and older family members can pass down stories, customs, and practices to younger generations, ensuring that their heritage is maintained and celebrated.

Living in a multi-generational home provides children with the opportunity to observe and learn from the behaviors and attitudes of their elders. This exposure to different perspectives and life experiences can help shape their values and character.

Research also shows that families living together often end up having better mental and physical health. The emotional support and companionship found in a multi-generational household can lead to improved mental health and reduced feelings of loneliness or isolation, especially for older family members who might otherwise be home-bound.

With multiple generations involved in meal preparation, families can benefit from a wider variety of nutritious meals. Older family members often bring traditional recipes and healthy cooking practices that can enhance the overall diet of the household.

The benefits of living together with multiple generations are countless. While it's certainly not for everyone, the more you contemplate the change the more you will understand why this traditional lifestyle is becoming popular again.
 
A problem with making societal suggestions is the outsized voice we have given our most antisocial. Like The Dog in the Manger - Wikipedia they'll insist on equality of outcome by denying others that which they personally have no use for.

Bitter and in pain holed up with their 12 familiars in some tenement cave, they seem to perpetually relive some real or imagined wrong they were done.

This seems like a viable social pattern worth discussing even if it won't serve everyone who has reached late life carrying the baggage of urban strife and failed, often absurdist, expectations. Not everyone hates who they are, and proof of the validity of connected family is in its resurgence.
 
Indeed, much depends on each person's family and relative compatibilities that all may not all be capable of living peacefully, harmoniously, with others. In this modern era are plenty of factors like substance abuse and shared financial issues that tend to be more divisive than with our ancestors. And obviously there are plenty of members on this board for whom their specific situations would never have worked out so given their family histories. With mine, and I come from a large family, it could have worked at one time.

In any case, not something likely to work with adults that have already lived their lives separately but rather new families that begin living so for their future where they have a chance to learn to live cooperatively together that requires effort and shared purpose..
 
I'm not sure how it begins though without a reversal of the trend against the intention of marriage for life and the bearing and rearing of children by the family. Somewhere in there comes the support of community schools and other family-friendly social infrastructure once more.

It seems odd that we have to relearn the lessons humanity has known, but history shows a series of such collapses followed by painful reconstruction. I had once thought this came about through invasion, disruption, and assimilation by external forces. Now I wonder how often the core has been a destructive meme that took off during a period of high tension such as industrialization and world wars.
 
I grew up in and still live in an extended family community that spans several north Mississippi counties and East Memphis. Thought about moving to Seattle after grad school but realized I'd spend most of my vacation days and a lot of disposable income traveling back several times a year for family events. I decided to stay and vacation in cities instead. That's proved to be a good decision.

A cousin is having surgery in a few weeks and I'm going to take her for the surgery a couple hours away and bring her back to my parents to recuperate. I have at least seven relatives I'd be very comfortable asking for the same and there are more who would do it. Through the years, we've kept kids and ferried them about while parents were working out of town, vacationing or caring for sick family. We've taken turns sitting with hospitalized family members, cooked meals, loaned money ....and most important of all loved one another.

We have different politics within the family group, different takes on religion, a new generation of biracial youn'uns, educated and uneducated, traditional marriage and some not so. Acceptance is the key; I don't think I'd have stayed close to a groupthink family and love that this one isn't. Can't imagine life without them.
 
Last edited:
Teacher Terry said:
Women don’t want to spend their entire lives taking care of children, their parents and in-laws and then their spouses. They might actually like some freedom and to do what they want to like men do for most of their lives.
Click to expand...
You got that right! 🤣 I have spent my entire life taking care of others. The good old days weren't all that good. I cannot imagine ever again living with anyone and would choose a nursing home over moving in with a relative. However, I do wish there were relatives close to where I live. I have no problem with being mutually supportive, just in private residences.
 
Japan has its own set of issues due to the dearth of young people. They are literally building robots to befriend and take care of seniors. However, there are other countries like Italy and Greece that actually value their seniors and live as multi-generational families. I don't want to be a wet blanket, but I don't see that happening in the US anytime soon.
 
I guess I've benefited from a very cohesive extended family for all of my life. When I was born my father had volunteered for service in the AIF. It was 1943 and Singapore had recently fallen to the Japanese.

Until the war ended my mother and I lived with her father and two of her sisters. Later we lived as a nuclear family in our own house but contact with Mum's family was a constant, even after my grandfather died. My sister was born post war and is my only sibling.

When I married I joined another very cohesive family. He had three siblings and many aunties and cousins. Between the two families we enjoyed a rich family life where we were supported at every turn of our lives until it was our turn to return the favour.

I have been a resource for my two children after they married and started their own families. As a great grandmother I am included in every important occasion and feel their love every day. All of my extended family except the cousins, my son and my sister, live in Sydney. My late husband's brother and his wife dropped in yesterday to make sure that all is well with me.

I was privileged to be with my mother, her sister, my mother in law and my husband at the moment of their passing. My daughter was with me when her father died and her support ever since has been amazing. For financial reasons (high interest rates on mortgages) she now lives with me and so does her youngest daughter. I am kept busy and am never lonely. They have been patient with me as I mourned and are giving me reasons to live fully again.

IMO strong families are mostly matrilineal, full of strong minded women who bind us all together.
 
I raised my kids in the same town as my parents who were supportive and I was able to help them as they aged. When I finished graduate school we had to move to a different state for me to work in my field. My husband could work anywhere.

My dad died right around the time we were leaving. My mom lived another 16 years. My 2 siblings finally had to help because I was far away. I also used my vacation time to help too.

I have made many good friends where I live. Many are older and I have helped them a lot as they have aged but it’s a choice and not expected. I’m loving living alone with my dogs and it’s much easier. I just have to take care of them and myself plus no one is watching me do all the work and then critiquing me.
 
Pepper said:
Economically encouraged? The only thing that causes generational dependence in the real world is poverty. 10 to a room. What you are pining for is a dead place where white men decide what's best for us all.

Family is the original commune. Communes in the sixties couldn't survive. I don't know what a kibbutz is nowadays.

We should be together because we want to, related or not, not forced to by economic dependency. I hate nostalgia. A story about a place that didn't exist and is bad for women.
Click to expand...
I know you are aware that there are such things as duty and gratitude.
 
David777 said:
In this modern era are plenty of factors like substance abuse and shared financial issues that tend to be more divisive than with our ancestors. And obviously there are plenty of members on this board for whom their specific situations would never have worked out so given their family histories. With mine, and I come from a large family, it could have worked at one time.

In any case, not something likely to work with adults that have already lived their lives separately but rather new families that begin living so for their future where they have a chance to learn to live cooperatively together that requires effort and shared purpose..
Click to expand...
And mental illness, rampant today. Drug abuse (including legal) has scrambled their brains!
 
Teacher Terry said:
Women don’t want to spend their entire lives taking care of children, their parents and in-laws and then their spouses. They might actually like some freedom and to do what they want to like men do for most of their lives.
Click to expand...
Although I'm no woman, these are exactly my thoughts too. My wife and I think that it is an unreasonable demand that old people (women and men) should care for their grandchildren. But the children and grandchildren shouldn't also be forced to care for their ancestors.
 
Teacher Terry said:
Women don’t want to spend their entire lives taking care of children, their parents and in-laws and then their spouses. They might actually like some freedom and to do what they want to like men do for most of their lives.
Click to expand...
Then do so, by all means. What on earth is to stop you?? What would we do without single-minded characters like Edison and van Gogh and Shakespeare?
There are results good and evil, consequences, wrinkles, innuendos, karma to all our actions and decisions.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top