Irish jokes

G

Glowworm

Senior Member
Location
Sweden
I guess most of us know that the English have loads of jokes about the Irish. Here in Sweden we have similar jokes about Norwegians.

A Norwegian guy goes into a car showroom and buys a brand new Ferrari. After two days he brings it back with a broken gearbox. He gets a new car under warranty but two days later same thing. After the fourth car the manager decides to take a ride with him to see what's going wrong. They leave the showroom.

"Now I change from first to second gear" says the Norwegian.
"Now I change from second to third."

And so on up to sixth gear. Finally the Norwegian says

"And now I change up into Racing."
 

Norwegian computer terms:

Log On: Making da wood stove hotter
Log Off: Don't add no more wood
Monitor: Keepin an eye on da wood
Download: Getting da wood off da truck
Megahertz: Ven yer not careful getting da firewood
Floppy Disk: Vat yew get from trying tew carry tew much wood
Ram: Dat ting dat splits da wood
Hard Drive: Getting home in da winter time in the snow
Prompt: Vat da mail ain't in da winter time
Windows: Vat yew shut when it's cold outside
Screen: Vat yew shut vens it's black fly season		Byte: Vat dem dang black flies do
Chip: Munchies fer da TV
Microchip: Vats in da bottom of da munchies bag
Modem: Vat yew did tew da hay fields
Keyboard: Where yew hang da keys
Software: Dem dang plastic forks and knives
Mouse: Vat eats da grain in da barn
Mainframe: Holds up da barn roof
Port: Fancy wine
Random Access Memory: Ven yew can't remember vat yew paid fer da rifle, ven yer wife asks.

​

 
Norwegian guy goes back to the store with his computer keyboard and complains that it was incomplete. The salesperson asked him in what way was it incomplete?

"Well I was reading the instructions on how to install it and it said 'hit any button' but that button's missing."
 
Wood Eye And The Hunchback
Murphy lost his eye in an accident and couldn’t afford the price of a glass eye.

So he carved one out of wood. But he was so self-conscious that he never left the house.

Finally, his friend Paddy came over and forced him to go out.

“There’s a dance over at the club,” he said.
“So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?”
“All right,” said Murphy, “but if anybody makes fun of my eye I’m leaving.”

He went to the dance and stood around, trying to build up his courage.

And then he saw a woman standing alone in the corner. She was very attractive, but she had a hunchback.

“She’s worse off than me,” Murphy thought. “The least I can do is ask her to dance.

He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl.

Would you care to dance? he asked.

Would I?!” she exclaimed.

“That does it,” he shouted, “Hunchback! Hunchback!”
 
Why are there so many Irish jokes about drinking?

A Frenchman, a German & an Irishman walk into a bar & each orders whiskey.
The drinks arrive & there's a fly in each one.
The Frenchman says, "Mon Dieu! I cannot drink this!"
The German flicks the fly out & gulps the drink down.
The Irishman grabs the fly, turns it upside down & yells, "Spit it out!"
 
Magazine joke
Two Irish men are looking through a catalog

Paddy says:

Jaysus would you look at this the women here are gorgeous and their prices are reasonable too!

Mick agrees with Paddy and says

Right, I’m ordering one right now!

A few weeks later Paddy says to Mick

Has your woman shown up yet?

“No” says Mick



But it shouldn’t be long now her clothes arrived yesterday
 
In Minnesota, those native to the area tell Ole and Lena Norwegian jokes. Here is a sample:

Lena goes to a Beach Boys concert with some friends. She is so excited since she is quite the Beach Boys fan, that on the way home, they stop so she can get a tattoo to commemorate the event. When she gets home, she tells Ole about the tattoo, lifts her dress, drops her undies, and proudly bends over so he can see it. Ole responds "that is very nice, but who the heck is BoB?

Tony
 

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