Irony or Karma, shaking wth nerves

hollydolly

hollydolly

SF VIP
Location
London England
Someone has posted a thread about Benign Essential tremor.

I was diagnosed with that some years ago... it manifests itself in me by making my hands shake for about an hour after I;ve gripped something tight..for example a bag of heavy shopping..


No meds were ever prescribed and I never asked for any.

However, to my story,..

When I was a child as many of you already know, I had a very violent upbringing..

When I was a child I literally shook with nerves from head to toe, at the very sight of my father.. who was the instigator of most of the violence. He was someone who was never ill and despised illness in all it's forms and my mother was always ill due in many ways to his abuse..

He always would mock me for shaking , and often I;d be given another beating for ''refusing to stop ''

When I grew to be an adult.. ..after I'd left home and had no contact with the sperm donor for many years...I was at long last free of the nervous tremors that had blighted me

One day walking through town I bumped into him, and immediately my legs started shaking uncontrollably... , I couldn't stop them, I was probably in my 30's by now.. but because he was standing so close to me I prayed he didn't notice and I tried my hardest to lock my knees to make my legs stiff so they didn't shake.... I had managed to keep my hands in my pockets so he couldn;t see them ..

he was talking normally for a few minutes .. and then he said in a mocking manner '' I see you've not stopped with that ridiculous shaking'' ...


I walked away absolutely shaking like a leaf and made a vow if I ever saw him again I would do anything to ensure he never spoke to me again



15 years later I learned he had Parkinsons' Disease ( involuntary shaking being one of the major components)... and that was his cause of death


Irony or Karma,,, what do you think.. ? I know what I think..
 

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Hmm.

Just the other day I had opened the "cage" of a small floor fan to clean the blades and lube the bearings. This is a wire cage like two circular clamshells, fastened together by 4 screws.

When I'd cleaned it I was reassembling it. Holding the fan together with one hand, I put back the screws and screwed them in with the other. I was surprised to see that holding it in one hand, applying pressure to hold the cage together for fastening... that hand developed a pretty strong involuntary tremor. The tighter I squeezed, the more pronounced.

I'd never had anything like that before - or since. Now I wonder if I need to bring it up with my Doctor. Perhaps it was just a sort of a "funny bone" thing and completely transient.
 
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hollydolly said:
Someone has posted a thread about Benign Essential tremor.

I was diagnosed with that some years ago... it manifests itself in me by making my hands shake for about an hour after I;ve gripped something tight..for example a bag of heavy shopping..


No meds were ever prescribed and I never asked for any.

However, to my story,..

When I was a child as many of you already know, I had a very violent upbringing..

When I was a child I literally shook with nerves from head to toe, at the very sight of my father.. who was the instigator of most of the violence. He was someone who was never ill and despised illness in all it's forms and my mother was always ill due in many ways to his abuse..

He always would mock me for shaking , and often I;d be given another beating for ''refusing to stop ''

When I grew to be an adult.. ..after I'd left home and had no contact with the sperm donor for many years...I was at long last free of the nervous tremors that had blighted me

One day walking through town I bumped into him, and immediately my legs started shaking uncontrollably... , I couldn't stop them, I was probably in my 30's by now.. but because he was standing so close to me I prayed he didn't notice and I tried my hardest to lock my knees to make my legs stiff so they didn't shake.... I had managed to keep my hands in my pockets so he couldn;t see them ..

he was talking normally for a few minutes .. and then he said in a mocking manner '' I see you've not stopped with that ridiculous shaking'' ...


I walked away absolutely shaking like a leaf and made a vow if I ever saw him again I would do anything to ensure he never spoke to me again



15 years later I learned he had Parkinsons' Disease ( involuntary shaking being one of the major components)... and that was his cause of death


Irony or Karma,,, what do you think.. ? I know what I think..
Click to expand...
Karma, definitely Karma.
 
hollydolly said:
Someone has posted a thread about Benign Essential tremor.

I was diagnosed with that some years ago... it manifests itself in me by making my hands shake for about an hour after I;ve gripped something tight..for example a bag of heavy shopping..


No meds were ever prescribed and I never asked for any.

However, to my story,..

When I was a child as many of you already know, I had a very violent upbringing..

When I was a child I literally shook with nerves from head to toe, at the very sight of my father.. who was the instigator of most of the violence. He was someone who was never ill and despised illness in all it's forms and my mother was always ill due in many ways to his abuse..

He always would mock me for shaking , and often I;d be given another beating for ''refusing to stop ''

When I grew to be an adult.. ..after I'd left home and had no contact with the sperm donor for many years...I was at long last free of the nervous tremors that had blighted me

One day walking through town I bumped into him, and immediately my legs started shaking uncontrollably... , I couldn't stop them, I was probably in my 30's by now.. but because he was standing so close to me I prayed he didn't notice and I tried my hardest to lock my knees to make my legs stiff so they didn't shake.... I had managed to keep my hands in my pockets so he couldn;t see them ..

he was talking normally for a few minutes .. and then he said in a mocking manner '' I see you've not stopped with that ridiculous shaking'' ...


I walked away absolutely shaking like a leaf and made a vow if I ever saw him again I would do anything to ensure he never spoke to me again



15 years later I learned he had Parkinsons' Disease ( involuntary shaking being one of the major components)... and that was his cause of death


Irony or Karma,,, what do you think.. ? I know what I think..
Click to expand...

Karma is the great equalizer. Too bad it took so long.
 
hollydolly said:
Someone has posted a thread about Benign Essential tremor.

I was diagnosed with that some years ago... it manifests itself in me by making my hands shake for about an hour after I;ve gripped something tight..for example a bag of heavy shopping..


No meds were ever prescribed and I never asked for any.

However, to my story,..

When I was a child as many of you already know, I had a very violent upbringing..

When I was a child I literally shook with nerves from head to toe, at the very sight of my father.. who was the instigator of most of the violence. He was someone who was never ill and despised illness in all it's forms and my mother was always ill due in many ways to his abuse..

He always would mock me for shaking , and often I;d be given another beating for ''refusing to stop ''

When I grew to be an adult.. ..after I'd left home and had no contact with the sperm donor for many years...I was at long last free of the nervous tremors that had blighted me

One day walking through town I bumped into him, and immediately my legs started shaking uncontrollably... , I couldn't stop them, I was probably in my 30's by now.. but because he was standing so close to me I prayed he didn't notice and I tried my hardest to lock my knees to make my legs stiff so they didn't shake.... I had managed to keep my hands in my pockets so he couldn;t see them ..

he was talking normally for a few minutes .. and then he said in a mocking manner '' I see you've not stopped with that ridiculous shaking'' ...


I walked away absolutely shaking like a leaf and made a vow if I ever saw him again I would do anything to ensure he never spoke to me again



15 years later I learned he had Parkinsons' Disease ( involuntary shaking being one of the major components)... and that was his cause of death


Irony or Karma,,, what do you think.. ? I know what I think..
Click to expand...
Frankly I do not believe in Karma & such but. I too grew up in a violent world, and I think I understand what you are saying. I'm just sorry you had to go through all that. When these sorts of things happen at an early age, I doubt we ever really get over them.
 
@hollydolly Through all the abuse you encountered you have made a very fine human being of yourself. A joy to others and always looking for the good in people. Most all of us our dealing with past traumas that can effect us in our daily lives. I think most of us "do the best we can" to be better people than we were the day before. Holly you are an inspiration to me to keep that spirit going. Thank you. :)
 
Paco Dennis said:
@hollydolly Through all the abuse you encountered you have made a very fine human being of yourself. A joy to others and always looking for the good in people. Most all of us our dealing with past traumas that can effect us in our daily lives. I think most of us "do the best we can" to be better people than we were the day before. Holly you are an inspiration to me to keep that spirit going. Thank you. :)
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Thank you PD...I'm extremely humbled... 🧡
 
hollydolly said:
Someone has posted a thread about Benign Essential tremor.

I was diagnosed with that some years ago... it manifests itself in me by making my hands shake for about an hour after I;ve gripped something tight..for example a bag of heavy shopping..


No meds were ever prescribed and I never asked for any.

However, to my story,..

When I was a child as many of you already know, I had a very violent upbringing..

When I was a child I literally shook with nerves from head to toe, at the very sight of my father.. who was the instigator of most of the violence. He was someone who was never ill and despised illness in all it's forms and my mother was always ill due in many ways to his abuse..

He always would mock me for shaking , and often I;d be given another beating for ''refusing to stop ''

When I grew to be an adult.. ..after I'd left home and had no contact with the sperm donor for many years...I was at long last free of the nervous tremors that had blighted me

One day walking through town I bumped into him, and immediately my legs started shaking uncontrollably... , I couldn't stop them, I was probably in my 30's by now.. but because he was standing so close to me I prayed he didn't notice and I tried my hardest to lock my knees to make my legs stiff so they didn't shake.... I had managed to keep my hands in my pockets so he couldn;t see them ..

he was talking normally for a few minutes .. and then he said in a mocking manner '' I see you've not stopped with that ridiculous shaking'' ...


I walked away absolutely shaking like a leaf and made a vow if I ever saw him again I would do anything to ensure he never spoke to me again



15 years later I learned he had Parkinsons' Disease ( involuntary shaking being one of the major components)... and that was his cause of death


Irony or Karma,,, what do you think.. ? I know what I think..
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear you suffered so much at the hands of a parent. Yes, it does seem like Karma. I am sure that he remembered his injustices during that time.
 
@hollydolly …so very sorry about your childhood. May your dreams and days be so happy as to erase what that devil did. I hope it was karma…but whatever it was it is great. You are such a nice person who has raised a beautiful child…and that is how the cycle is broken.
 
hollydolly said:
Someone has posted a thread about Benign Essential tremor.

I was diagnosed with that some years ago... it manifests itself in me by making my hands shake for about an hour after I;ve gripped something tight..for example a bag of heavy shopping..


No meds were ever prescribed and I never asked for any.

However, to my story,..

When I was a child as many of you already know, I had a very violent upbringing..

When I was a child I literally shook with nerves from head to toe, at the very sight of my father.. who was the instigator of most of the violence. He was someone who was never ill and despised illness in all it's forms and my mother was always ill due in many ways to his abuse..

He always would mock me for shaking , and often I;d be given another beating for ''refusing to stop ''

When I grew to be an adult.. ..after I'd left home and had no contact with the sperm donor for many years...I was at long last free of the nervous tremors that had blighted me

One day walking through town I bumped into him, and immediately my legs started shaking uncontrollably... , I couldn't stop them, I was probably in my 30's by now.. but because he was standing so close to me I prayed he didn't notice and I tried my hardest to lock my knees to make my legs stiff so they didn't shake.... I had managed to keep my hands in my pockets so he couldn;t see them ..

he was talking normally for a few minutes .. and then he said in a mocking manner '' I see you've not stopped with that ridiculous shaking'' ...


I walked away absolutely shaking like a leaf and made a vow if I ever saw him again I would do anything to ensure he never spoke to me again



15 years later I learned he had Parkinsons' Disease ( involuntary shaking being one of the major components)... and that was his cause of death


Irony or Karma,,, what do you think.. ? I know what I think..
Click to expand...
That's Justice Hols.
 
hollydolly said:
because he wasn't a person who felt responsibility for his own actions..
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So he blamed others for his own behavior? Sounds like my father. He would calmly instigate all kinds of extremely nasty problems via his provocative behavior, and then would calmly announce that he had done absolutely nothing wrong. At which point my mom would start pulling his limp, thinning hair, and he would begin shouting that she let him go.
 
hollydolly said:
I'm sorry you had to witness that. Bad nough having one parent causing issues when you're a child, but to see 2 attacking each other must have been horrendous.
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True, seeing parents bickering constantly can ruin a child's nerves. In fact, I had a nervous breakdown because of it.

BTW My dad never defended himself physically when she did that. He just shouted that she let his hair go. When I ask what was going on, they would stop, he would tell me to mind my own business, I would leave, and I would hear them resume. My visiting cousin George found their antics funny. I did not at the time. Now later in life, I do find it rather comical.
 
Radrook said:
True, seeing paents bickering cobnstantkly can ruin a child'snerves. In fact, I hadanervousbreakdown becausev of it.

BTW My dad never defended himself pysically whern she did that. He just shouted that she let his hair go. When I ask what was going on, They would stop, he would tell me to mind my own business, I would leave, and would here them resume. My visiting cousin George found their antics funny. I did not at the time. Now later in life, I do find it rather comical.
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You see, that's horrific. Parents often don't realise, or care how their beaviour is seriosuly affecting their children. I'm so sorry you went through that..it should never have happened.
 
hollydolly said:
You see, that's horrific. Parents often don't realise, or care how their beaviour is seriosuly affecting their children. I'm so sorry you went through that..it should never have happened.
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Very true. They should have left me with my Aunt Modesta, my mother's older sister, whom I believed was my mother, if that is the way they were going to behave.

BTW

Another thing I found disturbing, was how my father would hook his rather unusually narrow ankle around the apartment radiator, and hang his to upper body out the eleventh floor housing project window in order to stare up at the clouded sky imploring God to scythe my mother down like grass.

I guess he felt that his prayer would be heard better if he implored God when clouds were lower due to a low fog. I feared that would lose his grip at any moment and go plummeting to his death.

After having fervently prayed, and seeing my mom totally unscathed, he would then proceed to blame God for placing cotton in his ears in order not to listen to him. My mom would respond by saying that a donkey's prayer never reaches heaven. On and on it went day and night without respite ad infinitum.
 

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