Is Anyone Living Independently on Their Own in Their Senior Years?

SeaBreeze

SeaBreeze

Endlessly Groovin'
Location
USA
Is anyone in a situation where maybe your spouse passed on, and you're completely on your own with no help from relatives, children, etc.? I think many older people make it okay living alone in their homes in their golden years. I sometimes talk with my husband about if one of us died, since we have no children or relatives close by to help if needed. We'd have to make the decision to have someone come in from the outside to help with chores, housework, personal help if we were physically unable. My worst fear is being mentally disabled, like suffering with Alzheimer's, guess someone would come in and make that decision for me, and put me in a home. Anyone having to do this, and is living comfortably and independently on their own?
 

I have the best of both worlds. House paid for a long time ago; excellent monthly income (retirement
pension + Soc. Sec.)

I'm in excellent health and have a former Miss Maryland living here with me. She's a good cook and

housekeeper and still so gorgeous I can't keep my eyes off of her. She makes a great "trophy" date
when we go out. She's about 20 years younger and takes good care of me.
 
Thanks for the reply Falcon, you're a lucky man! :cool:
 

My wife and I are in the same situation, SeaBreeze. WE have children, but they are either far away or don't want to be bothered with us. If one of us dies the other will probably move to a smaller place but will still be on our own.
 
It's too bad that your kids aren't there for you guys, but I hear that a lot these days. :( I envy your lifestyle, living in a place that is remote and away from the city, and with some property, etc. I imagine continuing alone in that situation would be much harder, especially for your wife. We live in the suburbs, so we only have a back and front lawn to care for, and a small ranch style home. We love it here though, with the open wildlife area behind us, it's as good as it gets for being so close to the city. Both of us would do our best to stay in our house until the end...hoping that's possible.
 
Hello,

I am 75 and my wife is 68 and we are in good health. We have no children, but I have a niece and her four kids that live near us. We have both lost most of our hearing and the few friends we have live out-of-state. But there is no one we can rely on as a care giver. My wife has about $908,000 in Long Term care insurance. I have about $108,000, so we are in good shape insurance wise. If my wife died first, I would not want to be alone, so I would move to an Independent Living facility where the cost would be in the $3,000 a month range. My wife would probably follow suit if I were to go first. We have decent savings and income so we can find a good place. The point being, we knew we might be alone someday so we made plans for that eventuality.

 
It's not something you want to think about but you should. Hubby and I have a 14 year age difference and he is not in the best of health. I am still able to take care of the house and yard work but admit to being an absolute idiot on thinks such as electrical panels and plumbing.

Fortunately we have good friends here in our small park and if one doesn't know another does. We all seem to get by.

The one thing that does bother me is the choosing of a power of attorney, and what would happen to the two cats should we both die together, say as in a car accident. I have no kids and hubby's kids .....let's just say the only reason they would stick around for a funeral would be to find out when the will is read. A surprise there....grin
 
Well, wife and I are HOPING that we will go at the same time, or very close to the same time. However it would happen. If we were to go separately, don't know what the other would do.......we are THAT close in our love for each other. She tells me "I'd be totally lost without you" and I feel the exact same way. We are only a year and a half apart in age, so age wouldn't be a factor for us. Both of us in pretty good health, for being Diabetic II's. I will have an upcoming RC surgery (in Nov) that we both hopes turns out fine. BTW, no kids.

This is somewhat of a good thing to think about, but could be so darn depressing!
 
I have lived on my own for seven years.
both boys are in touch regularly, but have families of their own, and are useless at DIY!
i can still do nearly everything myself; but use professionals if I can't!
i have a few very close friends, two cats, my own house, and enough money...so I have a lot to be thankful for.
 
I sold my large home earlier this year, turned 80 in July and am living alone in a very nice two bedroom two bath apartment. I do my own cooking and cleaning at this point , but who knows, at some point in the future I may need some one to come in to clean. Fortunately I can afford assistance later on if I need it. Daughter, married grand children are fairly close by.
 
I am 60 years old, in very good health, and have a sufficient (moderate) income from pensions. My late husband died 7 years ago. I live in a 55+ condominium community in Florida, USA. It is like an apartment that is mine. My (in their early 40's) children are busy with their own lives so I don't hear from them often (but know if I REALLY needed them they would be there for me). I primarily rely on my cat, computer, and Television for company at home and have a circle of close friends that I interact with daily that have become "family". I have lived here for 5 years and am surrounded by others that are pretty much in the same boat as I am. We help one another as we can and share contacts for reliable help for things that we can't do ourselves. It is a teamwork proposition where we do what we can for each other. All in all, a nice situation considering the loneliness of not having that one special person in your life anymore.
 
I've lived on my own since my college days so nothing new about it for me now. I have thought about what it will be like when I'm too old to care for myself. I do have a nephew who is smart and will be glad to help handle my finances when I'm no longer able to do so. He lives in another town so his help will be limited. I don't want or expect relatives to alter their lives to take care of me anyway.

I hope to continue living on my own for as long as I can. Obviously we all do. But I don't think I will have a problem with living in a retirement complex or assisted living facility. There is one in my town that is very nice. You basically have an apartment and you get all your meals there if you want that. They have shuttles taking you to stores and doctors as needed. Not cheap but not a bad way to spend your last couple of years.
 
I worry about this. I'm in good health and my hubby is still with me.. but what if? Down the road, I may be alone. I have Sons, but I don't think I could every rely on either of them to look after me. I could lay there and the cats would eat me before they checked.. I'm sure. So.. I have to plan for that. I may have to go through their inheritance paying for my own care, but that's the way it goes.
 
SeaBreeze said:
Is anyone in a situation where maybe your spouse passed on, and you're completely on your own with no help from relatives, children, etc.? I think many older people make it okay living alone in their homes in their golden years. I sometimes talk with my husband about if one of us died, since we have no children or relatives close by to help if needed. We'd have to make the decision to have someone come in from the outside to help with chores, housework, personal help if we were physically unable. My worst fear is being mentally disabled, like suffering with Alzheimer's, guess someone would come in and make that decision for me, and put me in a home. Anyone having to do this, and is living comfortably and independently on their own?
Click to expand...


I've wondered about how all of that gets handled too. Not so much for myself or my husband because we have two daughters, but because one of my daughters has chosen to not have kids. In the end, it will be just her. How do you arrange to take care of yourself in those last days if you're alone? Good question.
 
QuickSilver said:
I worry about this. I'm in good health and my hubby is still with me.. but what if? Down the road, I may be alone. I have Sons, but I don't think I could every rely on either of them to look after me. I could lay there and the cats would eat me before they checked.. I'm sure. So.. I have to plan for that. I may have to go through their inheritance paying for my own care, but that's the way it goes.
Click to expand...


Can I make a little suggestion QuickSilver? Quit thinking of it as 'their inheritance' and especially if they are that uninvolved in your life. It's your money and what's left (when you die) is their inheritance. So don't feel bad about spending YOUR money to take care of YOURSELF.
 
There are going to be a lot of us in the coming years who HAVE children, but can't expect any help from them. Right now, my boyfriend and I both have elderly mothers still around but not living in the area. Mine is still independent but needs quite a bit of monetary help and I have to go take care of her when she has surgery, etc. His is still living by herself at 92, but with outside help. She shouldn't be living by herself as she has some serious medical problems, but the only way we'd get her out of her house and into assisted living would be feet-first - lol. She lives four states away and constantly calls with concerns and things he can't do anything about at that very moment. My mom is such a social butterfly at 90, I can't even get in touch with her some days. I can tell you that neither one of us have any illusions that there will be any monetary help or living support coming from OUR respective offspring if we need it down the line. I think the chain of "taking-care-of-your-parents" has been broken.
 
jujube said:
There are going to be a lot of us in the coming years who HAVE children, but can't expect any help from them. Right now, my boyfriend and I both have elderly mothers still around but not living in the area. Mine is still independent but needs quite a bit of monetary help and I have to go take care of her when she has surgery, etc. His is still living by herself at 92, but with outside help. She shouldn't be living by herself as she has some serious medical problems, but the only way we'd get her out of her house and into assisted living would be feet-first - lol. She lives four states away and constantly calls with concerns and things he can't do anything about at that very moment. My mom is such a social butterfly at 90, I can't even get in touch with her some days. I can tell you that neither one of us have any illusions that there will be any monetary help or living support coming from OUR respective offspring if we need it down the line. I think the chain of "taking-care-of-your-parents" has been broken.
Click to expand...


It's comforting to hear that you have moms who are doing well at 90 and are still active. Do each of them live in some kind of assisted living facility and who do they have to help them with their finances? Like if you're kids aren't there for you, who does one get to oversee that kind of stuff? I've never been one for asking for help for anything so I'd hope to go it alone but there's the issue of finances so what to do?
 
Debby said:
It's comforting to hear that you have moms who are doing well at 90 and are still active. Do each of them live in some kind of assisted living facility and who do they have to help them with their finances? Like if you're kids aren't there for you, who does one get to oversee that kind of stuff? I've never been one for asking for help for anything so I'd hope to go it alone but there's the issue of finances so what to do?
Click to expand...

No, both of them live in their homes. Mine lives about seven hours from me, is VERY independent, has a very full life, and is financially savvy but doesn't have enough income to live on, so one of us pays her utilities, one pays her home and cell phone and cable bill, one sends her a set amount each month and the other one pays for things like a new water heater, etc. She has had a couple of surgeries and has to have someone there until she's back on her feet again. Another sister and I take turns doing that. She has firm plans to live to one hundred and I believe she will. When and if the time comes that she HAS to go into some sort of assisted living, I expect a huge fight on our hands. She says she will not come to live with us and to just bury her in the front yard - lol.

His mother also still lives in her home and we have a lady who comes in a couple days a week to clean and drive her to doctor appointments. Other than that, she doesn't leave the house. She also has neighbors and friends who are very helpful. She's almost blind, uses a walker and only takes nutrition through a stomach tube but gets around the house fine. He is her financial fiduciary and takes care of her bills and handles her income. She has more than adequate income to live on, thank goodness. She DOESN'T want to live to be a hundred, but she probably will. He talks to her daily and we go up there whenever needed (a 12-hour drive). Like my mom, she refuses to consider moving to an assisted living facility, although she really needs to.

We both have power of attorney so we can handle anything that arises.
 
Debby said:
Can I make a little suggestion QuickSilver? Quit thinking of it as 'their inheritance' and especially if they are that uninvolved in your life. It's your money and what's left (when you die) is their inheritance. So don't feel bad about spending YOUR money to take care of YOURSELF.
Click to expand...
+1
You beat me to it.
 
I have thought about what I would do if my husband died first. My kids and family are across the pond. I love where we live but I couldn't handle taking care of this big garden, doing any maintenance on the house (which is quite a bit since it's 87 years old), and due to it's location and knowing myself I'd be in danger of becoming a depressed hermit. So I'd sell the house and move into a flat somewhere in a smallish town where I could walk to nearby senior activities. If I was older, maybe 80ish, I might move into sheltered housing.
 
I live independently, I have a daughter, and though we've tried living in the same home to just state, we've even discussed the matter again in recent weeks. Something she wants way more than I, the thought of being left in her care gives me visions of "Whatever Happened To Baby Jane". I'm not kidding. So a nursing home it will be if if I loose all my abilities, hopefully, death will meet me first if I am not able to bath or do the basic care for self. There was a time long ago, before my nephew starting having a larger family that he offered me to move in with him and his wife and one kid, he lives in NY and I really didn't want to move back up north to have to endure the cold, though sometimes I regret not having taken him up on the offer, but that ship has sailed, long ago, I rarely if ever hear from him anymore, though, the wife does like my likes on FB. :( My best friend whom is dealing with her life own issues, has all the instructions as to what to do about my care and body should the time come. I just have to hurry up and get all the signed paperwork in order and send copies to family making sure I tell them I will haunt them every moment they breath there after if they interfere with my wishes. :zombie::xbone::smug1:

If it's just the minor day to day avoiding small matters, as in how my life is now, I would prefer a Golden girls type set up. I've always enjoyed the housemate setup, I've shared living quarters with my best friend or friends or acquaintances in the past, almost always good experiences. I'm not old enough for most senior complexes, but I am looking into 55 and older properties which out hear are few and far between, most are for 62 and older and I have a number of years before I catch up to my body to hit that mark. LOL. I've just started my fifth year at my present residence and am looking forward to moving.
 
jujube said:
No, both of them live in their homes. Mine lives about seven hours from me, is VERY independent, has a very full life, and is financially savvy but doesn't have enough income to live on, so one of us pays her utilities, one pays her home and cell phone and cable bill, one sends her a set amount each month and the other one pays for things like a new water heater, etc. She has had a couple of surgeries and has to have someone there until she's back on her feet again. Another sister and I take turns doing that. She has firm plans to live to one hundred and I believe she will. When and if the time comes that she HAS to go into some sort of assisted living, I expect a huge fight on our hands. She says she will not come to live with us and to just bury her in the front yard - lol.

His mother also still lives in her home and we have a lady who comes in a couple days a week to clean and drive her to doctor appointments. Other than that, she doesn't leave the house. She also has neighbors and friends who are very helpful. She's almost blind, uses a walker and only takes nutrition through a stomach tube but gets around the house fine. He is her financial fiduciary and takes care of her bills and handles her income. She has more than adequate income to live on, thank goodness. She DOESN'T want to live to be a hundred, but she probably will. He talks to her daily and we go up there whenever needed (a 12-hour drive). Like my mom, she refuses to consider moving to an assisted living facility, although she really needs to.

We both have power of attorney so we can handle anything that arises.
Click to expand...


It sounds like your situations with your parents is kind of the same as mine. My mom is a six hour flight from me. Mind you she's still climbing trees (at 79!) to prune them and rebuilding her raised garden beds by herself, but her day will come. She just got a letter advising her that next year, she'll have to take a drivers test to renew her license. She's having trouble accepting that I think.

Your mom sounds like she's got a determined streak (and practical? - just dig a hole in the yard!) As for your husbands mom, well just goes to show that aging can be a pain eh? Too bad we don't have a secret on/off switch and on our 85th birthday, it sort of miraculously becomes visible and then we can have the option of hanging in there ...... or flicking the switch when we're fed up!
 
If you are married or living with somebody, you need to be practical when they die [or you do] as you are unlikely to die at the same time [though it's a possibility, plane, car etc.]We may all be alone at some point in life, and quite a few of you are already.I shall stay where I am if I am on my own [as long as possible.]I like the village, my grown up children live locally, but I would not want to live with them.I need independence and my own space. It's hard to see the future, and we have to meet what comes, when it comes.
 
My Dad died in a car wreck in 1960 it was very traumatic for everyone. I started planning right then what I would do if that happened to me. I had two boys, one a newborn and one 3 years old. I planned to stay home and take care of them, until they were both in school, then get some kind of training for a job. I planned to have our home paid for because I knew how important it was to have as few bills as possible. I have been planning my life ever since. When my husband died, I made my final arrangements and put POD on my bank accounts and TOD on my home and car, no will or attorney's to take money from the heir. My attorney was very impressed with my decisions and he made out a bill of sale for the contents of the home and anything else I might accumulate. I probably should not say this but will anyway, I also planned my death if I should have a terminal disease. I discussed this with my doctor and he still took me on as a patient. He accepted the fact that I won't do anything to prolong my life. I order a book called "Final Exit". I have no family in my city that I care about so no one to care for me.
 


Back
Top