Is Polygamy a thing where you live?

bobcat48 said:
Thank you for being open about this, and yes, you're right about beliefs. When I was in college, I took a course in Cultural Anthropology, and one subject was Ethnocentrism, which I had never been exposed to or even heard of, and it really helped me to look at other cultures and practices in a non-judgmental way.
I remember something I heard once that a handsome face rarely makes a good husband, and I don't think it is necessarily because they are good looking, but as you mentioned, women are always coming on to them, and not only is the temptation always there for them to stray, but it can stir up dissention in a marriage because it can be hard to feel secure when that's going on.
The fact that you and his other wife became good friends and like sisters, traveled well together, and had lots of fun, goes to show that it is possible to overcome the natural tendency for an exclusive relationship, and even form a strong bond with, what most would consider, your rival.
I guess one more question would be how the story ends regarding you and he, and the sister wife, if you don't mind sharing that.
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You're welcome, of course. I knew you were cool ! :D And apparently, very enlightened. It's funny you use the word "ethnocentrism" because I was just thinking yesterday after responding to your first set of questions, how ethnocentric we can be. As far as his looks, even though even men commented on them, he was humble about it. He used to say he was "funny looking". :LOL: He used to tell me about the women who'd come on to him. He didn't like that behavior and said they turned him off, rather than on. I admit I did feel insecure at times but I got over it.

My co-wife only traveled with us once and she didn't go all the way. We went down to Virginia Beach to stay at one of the exchange properties, but she wanted to visit her nephew in Norfolk. So we dropped her off there. On the way back, we met her and her nephew at a restaurant in Norfolk and we all had breakfast. Then heading back to Jersey, we stopped at one of her sisters' house and crashed for the night. My co-wife didn't like to travel. Her life was pretty much home, the store and watching martial arts films. She was also one of the nicest, most genuine people I've ever known. We graduated high school together and I remember her as being very quiet back then. Some members from different masjids (mosques) cited us as the model for what polygamous marriages should be.

My co-wife got cancer and didn't complain at all while she was taking chemo. She said she really wasn't experiencing any pain. After several months she was hospitalized. Between our husband, of one their workers, her sisters and I, a few people were constantly at her bedside. She had also gotten dementia and I had to school my husband on how to handle that because I'd been through it with my mom. My co-wife passed away about 18 months before my husband did. I felt so bad for him because she was his best friend for decades.

It was the end of the first week in September 2018. I had gone to our timeshare to "prepare a place" for my husband when he arrived, very late, as always. He had to tie up loose ends at the store, take one of his sons somewhere, etc. There was always something due to him having 9 children and over 65 grandchildren, some of whom depended on him too much! I decided not to wait for all of that. We were supposed to be celebrating his birthday when we were down there. The evening he told me he was heading down, there was a bad storm and the streets were starting to flood, so I told him not to come. The next day he said he wasn't feeling well, so was going to the ER. They kept him. Since I was traveling by bus, I had to wait until the storm and minor flooding receded to head home two days later. He was in and out of the hospital and rehab from that point on. They found he a pulmonary embolism and had gone into kidney failure. In December 2018, he wound up in the ICU and was there for two weeks before he passed away. I visited him every day when he was in rehab and I spent 12 - 14 hour days at the hospital. I was so exhausted that I left the hospital earlier than normal that night to get some rest. I got a call from my stepdaughter, who lived about 30 minutes away, to come to the hospital. She was on her way. It was 2:30 a.m. and he wasn't expected to last until daylight. He passed away about 3:45 a.m. on December 23rd.

The irony in this is you never could have told me I would outlive them. They were trim and healthy. Both of them could pack that food away and never gain a pound, but they did eat a lot of salads. I was overweight and had a couple of chronic health issues, including atrial fibrillation which sometimes made me feel like I would die (literally). Life sure is strange sometimes. Speaking of which, at some point, I'll post about how my husband and I got together. There's a paranormal or perhaps mystical element to it.
 

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OneEyedDiva said:
You're welcome, of course. I knew you were cool ! :D And apparently, very enlightened. It's funny you use the word "ethnocentrism" because I was just thinking yesterday after responding to your first set of questions, how ethnocentric we can be. As far as his looks, even though even men commented on them, he was humble about it. He used to say he was "funny looking". :LOL: He used to tell me about the women who'd come on to him. He didn't like that behavior and said they turned him off, rather than on. I admit I did feel insecure at times but I got over it.

My co-wife only traveled with us once and she didn't go all the way. We went down to Virginia Beach to stay at one of the exchange properties, but she wanted to visit her nephew in Norfolk. So we dropped her off there. On the way back, we met her and her nephew at a restaurant in Norfolk and we all had breakfast. Then heading back to Jersey, we stopped at one of her sisters' house and crashed for the night. My co-wife didn't like to travel. Her life was pretty much home, the store and watching martial arts films. She was also one of the nicest, most genuine people I've ever known. We graduated high school together and I remember her as being very quiet back then. Some members from different masjids (mosques) cited us as the model for what polygamous marriages should be.

My co-wife got cancer and didn't complain at all while she was taking chemo. She said she really wasn't experiencing any pain. After several months she was hospitalized. Between our husband, of one their workers, her sisters and I, a few people were constantly at her bedside. She had also gotten dementia and I had to school my husband on how to handle that because I'd been through it with my mom. My co-wife passed away about 18 months before my husband did. I felt so bad for him because she was his best friend for decades.

I had gone to our timeshare to "prepare a place" for my husband when he arrived, very late, as always. He had to tie up loose ends at the store, take one of his sons somewhere, etc. There was always something due to having 9 children and over 65 grandchildren! I decided not to wait for all of that. We were supposed to be celebrating his birthday when we were down there. The evening he was supposed to head down, we had a mini hurricane, so I told him not to come. The next day he said he wasn't feeling well, so was going to the ER. They kept him. Since I was traveling by bus, I had to wait until the storm and minor flooding receded to head home two days later. He was in and out of the hospital and rehab from that point on. They found he a pulmonary embolism and had gone into kidney failure. In December 2018, he wound up in the ICU and was there for two weeks before he passed away. I visited him every day when he was in rehab and I spent 12 - 14 hour days at the hospital. I was so exhausted that I left the hospital earlier than normal that night to get some rest. I got a call from my stepdaughter, who lived about 30 minutes away, to come to the hospital. She was on her way. It was 2:30 a.m. and he wasn't expected to last until daylight. He passed away about 3:45 a.m. on December 23rd.

The irony in this is you never could have told me I would outlive them. They were trim and healthy. Both of them could pack that food away and never gain a pound, but they did eat a lot of salads. I was overweight and had a couple of chronic health issues, including atrial fibrillation which sometimes made me feel like I would die (literally). Life sure is strange sometimes. Speaking of which, at some point, I'll post about how my husband and I got together. There's a paranormal or perhaps mystical element to it.
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Wow, it's so kind of you to share all this. It really does help one understand that things aren't always the way they seem on the surface, and to never judge what you don't understand. I look forward to the rest of the story.
 
bobcat48 said:
Wow, it's so kind of you to share all this. It really does help one understand that things aren't always the way they seem on the surface, and to never judge what you don't understand. I look forward to the rest of the story.
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Sometimes I think I write too much, so I'm glad you felt it was kind of me to share in detail and are looking forward to more❣️:D I so appreciate your openness and willingness to continue being enlightened. I think the world would be a much better place if more people were like you and made a real effort to understand and respect each others' experiences and mores. Your statement is profoundly true!
things aren't always the way they seem on the surface, and to never judge what you don't understand.
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OneEyedDiva said:
Sometimes I think I write too much, so I'm glad you felt it was kind of me to share in detail and are looking forward to more❣️:D I so appreciate your openness and willingness to continue being enlightened. I think the world would be a much better place if more people were like you and made a real effort to understand and respect each others' experiences and mores. Your statement is profoundly true!
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I've heard it said that the most interesting thing about a person is the part we don't know, and I think there is a lot about everyone we don't know. If we would just take the time and get them to trust us enough to feel comfortable opening up, we may discover fascinating things that a brief encounter would never reveal.
 
bobcat48 said:
I've heard it said that the most interesting thing about a person is the part we don't know, and I think there is a lot about everyone we don't know. If we would just take the time and get them to trust us enough to feel comfortable opening up, we may discover fascinating things that a brief encounter would never reveal.
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You are right. I've opened up to people that I knew I'd never see again, on long distance trips, usually because they were receptive and there was anonymity involved. Also, I've found out some interesting things about people that I never knew until I attended their funerals and the obituaries were read.
 
I have looked into polyamory and what I saw most often was the danger of the green monster of jealousy. I now live with 8 women and I have not had sex with any of them except my first wife whom I divorced in 76. Yes she lives here now with the others and even though there is no love relationship going on there is the monster showing up when I play board games too often with one person or put puzzles together with another. I think it would be a mess to have a number of wives.
 
Jondalar7 said:
I have looked into polyamory and what I saw most often was the danger of the green monster of jealousy. I now live with 8 women and I have not had sex with any of them except my first wife whom I divorced in 76. Yes she lives here now with the others and even though there is no love relationship going on there is the monster showing up when I play board games too often with one person or put puzzles together with another. I think it would be a mess to have a number of wives.
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I'm curious. Are your accommodations a communal like setting or do you live in a traditional house with several rooms? Friends can be jealous of other friends, even in the absence of romantic feelings, just like siblings can be jealous of other siblings. I think we can be more vulnerable to those feeling as we age. We need to feel relevant and loved (not romantic love necessarily).
 
OneEyedDiva said:
I'm curious. Are your accommodations a communal like setting or do you live in a traditional house with several rooms? Friends can be jealous of other friends, even in the absence of romantic feelings, just like siblings can be jealous of other siblings. I think we can be more vulnerable to those feeling as we age. We need to feel relevant and loved (not romantic love necessarily).
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Each woman rents a room that is 12 x 20 ft. We each have designated space in the cupboards and refrigerators. There is a kitchen on both floors. Most of the time each person does their own thing for meals. A couple times a month someone will organize a big dinner for all of us. It is peaceful and beautiful for a spot in the desert. We have tried to be more communal but there is no commitment to that here, they have different schedules and people come and go as life changes. Most often gals move to be closer to family as they get older.
 
Jondalar7 said:
Each woman rents a room that is 12 x 20 ft. We each have designated space in the cupboards and refrigerators. There is a kitchen on both floors. Most of the time each person does their own thing for meals. A couple times a month someone will organize a big dinner for all of us. It is peaceful and beautiful for a spot in the desert. We have tried to be more communal but there is no commitment to that here, they have different schedules and people come and go as life changes. Most often gals move to be closer to family as they get older.
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Interesting set up, do you call it a kind of commune? Obviously you must like, or you wouldn't be there.

If there is no romantic relationships within your group do folks have outside interests? Or are you a kind of celibate group?

Hope these questions are ok, I am always interested in hearing about how people live. Diversity is interesting.
 
Alligatorob said:
Interesting set up, do you call it a kind of commune? Obviously you must like, or you wouldn't be there.

If there is no romantic relationships within your group do folks have outside interests? Or are you a kind of celibate group?

Hope these questions are ok, I am always interested in hearing about how people live. Diversity is interesting.
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Sometimes they call it family, but I just rent rooms to whomever reads my post and comes for an interview. If they seem pleasant and not too much baggage, then they rent a room. I am the gardener, handyman and jar opener. I try to be all the things a woman needs a guy for except romance. When I have had men here they find some way or time to be inappropriate with a woman here and make them uncomfortable, so I do not rent to guys anymore. I make sure that I do not send any signals that make a woman uncomfortable in my home. I never enter a woman's room with the door closed or have conversations that are secret. There have been women who wanted a romantic relationship with me and that was good for a time. The last gal thought she should run things and actually asked others to leave when she did not like them, so she was asked to leave. We ask that dates not spend the night. This is actually a way for me to stay in the very nice and large home that I built in 1989. I occasionally bring a girlfriend to visit or have dinner and speak as if I always have one. This morning, as I was sitting on the patio three women walked by and turned to come into the yard when one of them who I know saw me having coffee. I showed them around and they all asked said it would be nice to live here. The one who was married said she just wanted to hang out in shang ra la.
 
Alligatorob said:
Thanks @Jondalar7 that is interesting. A kind of boarding house I guess.

Is that legal? Only renting to women that is.
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In Nevada You can choose whom you rent to if you share a kitchen or a bathroom. I did have one guy who was changing into a woman. He was on chemicals but not surgery. We called her by her girl name and she shared a bathroom with one other woman and I told her if she ever stood up to pee she had to go. She really had so many mental problems and issues we did ask her to leave.
 
I think that once you get beyond thinking you have ownership of someone else's body, emotions or heart, Living in a group is very comfortable.
I have wanted to be part of an intentional community for many years, to the point of trying to build one in Costa Rica called Circle in the sky. I think for now I am just looking for a travel partner and am content with being a big brother to ten women.
 
Alligatorob said:
@Mitch86 that is an impressive story. I know how hard it can be to get away from the FLDS, in more recent times anyway, probably the same for you. You did a smart, and brave thing in leaving.

How did you come to be associated with the FLDS? Were you raised in the Colorado City/Hilldale/Short Creek area?

Were you or you wife able to benefit from the legal settlement? I know a few years back the Utah Attorney General was looking for former FLDS members, some got land, and I think some money.

For anyone who doesn't know the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (FLDS) are the infamous polygamous cult recently lead by "prophet" Warren Jeffs.

Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamentalist_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-Day_Saints

Warren Jeffs https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_Jeffs
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I had a friend who owned a ranch in Texas. His neighbor was the FLDS ranch. He used to use his Telephoto Camera to snap pictures of them from his own ranch.

I believe the only time one should consider many women living with one man is when they are all very old and the original spouses have all died. Then it makes a lot of sense for many women to live with one man in a community of mutual help instead of being carted off to a nursing home where all of them will be subject to lots of elder abuse including theft.
 
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Jules said:
@Jondalar7 It sounds like an excellent set up. Much better than a care home. Private rooms. cooking facilities. No lawn care. Friends, possibly.
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I like one eyed Divas polygamy style too. I think we are designed to live in community. Living alone is not much fun. We have a studio attached to the house and someday when we need a care giver in the house I figure we will give her the studio, so she has a separate space. when several of us need the help pitching in together to hire help will be easier on our pocket books than a nursing home.
 
Jondalar7 said:
I like one eyed Divas polygamy style too. I think we are designed to live in community. Living alone is not much fun. We have a studio attached to the house and someday when we need a care giver in the house I figure we will give her the studio, so she has a separate space. when several of us need the help pitching in together to hire help will be easier on our pocket books than a nursing home.
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When I first read your post I thought for certain that you were just joking. You are a brave man to be caring for that many women. It’s wonderful that you treat them with such gentleness and respect. It’s much better than going into a nursing for any older women.
How very interesting.
 
It may sound like I am a nice guy but I do all of this for me. The rents help pay the mortgage and utilities. I have company so I do not need to seek companionship. I get to stay in my home and enjoy the years I have put into the yards, rose garden , vegi garden and shops. Actually, there is a rumor around the neighborhood that we are polygamist. People see one guy and many women in the yards and parking lot.
 
Jondalar7 said:
It may sound like I am a nice guy but I do all of this for me. The rents help pay the mortgage and utilities. I have company so I do not need to seek companionship. I get to stay in my home and enjoy the years I have put into the yards, rose garden , vegi garden and shops. Actually, there is a rumor around the neighborhood that we are polygamist. People see one guy and many women in the yards and parking lot.
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So you’re not a nice guy? ☺️
 
I wouldn't think so but who knows what goes on behind closed doors? There are a lot of people in more than one relationship at a time that's for sure but married to more than one I don't believe so.
 
Jondalar7 said:
It may sound like I am a nice guy but I do all of this for me. The rents help pay the mortgage and utilities. I have company so I do not need to seek companionship. I get to stay in my home and enjoy the years I have put into the yards, rose garden , vegi garden and shops. Actually, there is a rumor around the neighborhood that we are polygamist. People see one guy and many women in the yards and parking lot.
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You're providing a place for them to live, probably at a reasonable price. Nobody expects that someone can maintain a home by allowing others to live for free. You are keeping possible predators away from their living spaces by not renting to men (having had bad experiences with the mens' behavior before), you are planning for when you and they will possibly need additional care. And you complimented my lifestyle..Thank you ❣️ Seems like you are a nice guy to me!
 
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