Is there anything for which you can not forgive yourself or for which you can not forgive someone else?

Is there anything for which you can not forgive yourself or for which you can not forgive someone else?​

There has been
There surely has been

I hurt a lot of folks, early on
Quite deeply
Life impacting
Not intentional
Just not caring
Doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it

Not all that long ago, I sought out those I hurt, that were still living

Most all forgave......immediately

The few that didn't, had already forgiven me...several decades ago

The niggly burden, shoved back into the far reaches of my mind, released its grip

That did something to my heart, my soul

Not to make this some sorta religious thing, but it turned me......to the Great Forgiver

Since then, I can't not forgive
Its no longer in me
Forgiveness is at the fore, even before a wrong occurs
It's like holding a shaken unopened bottle of soda

Sure, I still get angry....mad as hell
But, like a sudden storm that blows in, it blows out just as fast
As I've aged, I've corralled the urges to break a knuckle on a face
But, the welling anger is still there
(ever bod has something that needs fixin')

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hollydolly said:
Yep...against certain others

I don't feel hate.. nor do I make myself ill through animosity...

if I forgave the acts.. then I'd be in danger of allowing them to happen again... so I don't and never will forgive ..nor will I ever forget!!
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That is my feelings exactly. This person is my niece and my life and my brother's (her father) has been much better without her a part of it. I never think about her or what she did anymore.
 
There’s a big difference between forgiving and *trusting*. There are people in my life that have done great harm and I forgive them. But if it’s something that will keep reoccurring or keep putting people (especially children) in danger, then they are not trustworthy and I respectfully keep them away from me or my family. I don’t have to be hateful but I have boundaries
 
Yes, there is one area that's a no brainer. An affair, and lying about it. Everybody, who knows me, understands that. It's how I'm made. I'll stand by you through anything, but if you betray my trust,-**** off, and don't let the door hit your ass. Strangely, that is something I never discussed with anybody, but anyone, who knows me, is well aware of how I feel. For me, once that bond of trust is broken, it ain't coming back. I'm not angry, I may be hurt, it's just over. Period.
 
Gaer said:
I have something really important to say about forgiveness, so I'm putting it in bold type!

Your thought plus your emotions create your personal energy field. When you let these feelings go, you are creating your positive energy.
To hold fear, hate, resentment and animosity, you are only causing yourself pain.

Forget the past. Forgive everyone in your past who has ever harmed you. Why, if you can choose your moods, would you choose to feel bad?
Let all the feelings of animosity lift and the new you, free from hate , will emerge. Go beyond the letting goof ill will. Bless this soul so his soul will feeel the blessing. When this is done, much joy will come to you and you have opened your heart to real magic in your life!
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TY Gaer, I soooooooooooo agree with everything you said🌹. Knowing we can control our emotions by controlling our thoughts was a huge lesson for me. Also I need to remember that judgment and forgiveness are closely linked.
 
Pepper said:
I must let it all go, only because there are no do-overs. I can't condemn myself because I can't change the past.

I can't condemn those others as I tried and tried and tried and have exhausted the possibilities. It's up to them and they won't budge.

For those things that bother me in the present--I can't control the acts of others.

I may have not fully forgiven but I've gotten real good at forgetting.
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For me it worked just the opposite. Things would remind me so I could not forget. I had to come to a place to let any judgment go and concentrate on believing that was the best they could do at the time with their circumstances, upbringing etc...
Good for you for dropping condemnation!!
 
Sassycakes said:
When I was very young my Dad taught me that if someone hurt me that it was their problem, not mine and to just walk away and forget them. He always told me I was the best person and not to dwell on what others do to me. I listened to him many times over the years and I've never missed any of the people who did me wrong.
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Sassy..you had a wise Dad. No doubt his words served you well over the years...my father also gave me words of wisdom and I wish everyone had that advantage.
 
Chet said:
As for forgiving myself, I feel that I did the best I could at that time in a given situation. I wish I could take some things back, but that's not possible so some remorse lingers.

As for forgiving others, it depends on who the others are and again, the situation at the time. Empathy plays a part. Bitterness will eat you up inside so I don't hold on to it once the initial pain has subsided.
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Chet--Such wisdom..remembering we did the best we could at the time given our situation, and beyond that, given our upbringing, heredity, environment etc is IMO one of the main keys to forgiveness. Remembering the same is true of others is important as well
 
Irwin said:
IMO, you can only forgive someone if they show remorse. Revenge is the alternative in that case so it doesn't eat you alive.

I'm still resentful of things people have done to me, but the main perpetrator is dead, so there's that. And some good came from other cases. I was able to make lemonade from some of the lemons life handed me. Things could have been better in my life, but they could have been worse, too.
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I have a different opinion. I do not want to depend on the other to show remorse before forgiving and moving on. IMO that can 'eat you alive' but only if you let it. Revenge is IMO adding more stress because of the possible guilt I would feeling time and I probably could not convince myself 'they deserved it'
I want to believe karma will 'get them' and maybe that is not a right attitude, but there it is...
 
hollydolly said:
what if they're not contrite at all.. would you still forgive.. ( this is not just aimed at pepper)... to anyone who wishes to answer...
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I would - because perhaps they will never be contrite and I do not want to hold negatives against anyone, partially, selfishly because that hurts me. I usually fall back on the fact we are all the product of our past..our upbringing, heredity, experiences, etc..and I like to think of the quote 'but for the grace of God, there go I"
I like to make up scenarios when little things go wrong..like if someone cuts me off on the freeway maybe they just received bad news and are in a hurry to get to a loved one or if a waiter is rude maybe they just received some devastating news ..lol I have a good imagination. :)
Of course that also takes me to the idea of what is anyone really truly responsible for..lol bit that is another topic for another day
 
CinnamonSugar said:
There’s a big difference between forgiving and *trusting*. There are people in my life that have done great harm and I forgive them. But if it’s something that will keep reoccurring or keep putting people (especially children) in danger, then they are not trustworthy and I respectfully keep them away from me or my family. I don’t have to be hateful but I have boundaries
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That IMO is an admirable way to look at and handle forgiveness issues. Repetitive bad behavior should lose trust and there is no need to include
hatred
 
squatting dog said:
I don't think I can ever forgive myself for not seeing the signs my daughter put out to me before she took her life. :cry:
Nope... not ever. I'll carry this burden to my grave. 😞
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I am so sorry to hear that. I wish I knew something to say to take away the pain. No doubt you have already been told it is in no way your fault but you have to come to that awareness/conclusion yourself. God Bless...
 
dobielvr said:
Also, (in my case) it's harder when you're dealing w/a narcissist. It's never their fault. They blame you.

And go around playing the victim. I've gotten to the point where I don't comment, and just let people believe who and what they want to believe.

I wish she'd leave me alone.......
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It's hard, especially when the person is close to you, but not reacting may be a good way to handle the situation. I hope you take care of yourself emotionally
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Yes, there is one area that's a no brainer. An affair, and lying about it. Everybody, who knows me, understands that. It's how I'm made. I'll stand by you through anything, but if you betray my trust,-**** off, and don't let the door hit your ass. Strangely, that is something I never discussed with anybody, but anyone, who knows me, is well aware of how I feel. For me, once that bond of trust is broken, it ain't coming back. I'm not angry, I may be hurt, it's just over. Period.
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^^^ Bingo!
 

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