Is This a Common Trend with Aging?

I

imp

Senior Member
I know that years back, my wife and I agreed on almost everything, every issue presenting itself. No matter the source, content, or value.

Today, we DIS-agree on almost everything. Is it us? imp
 

Now that is interesting. When we first married I was the mouse. He was spot on Sonny Corleone...punch a hole in the wall, mad because it hurt then mad because you had to patch the wall. At mid-life we agree more than ever that the world is beyond us. Thirty years on and much closer for it. If anything I am punching that virtual wall now.
 
Imp, I think it is a common enough trait among couples who have been together since they were young. As we grow older, our personality firms, becomes solid, if you will. We often tend to be far less willing to go along with the other person just to

maintain narmony. Women in particular, may find their voice in middle age.The partner who seemed so compatible in our

thirties, may have grown in an entirely different direction by the time one reaches senior status. They may

Hold views diametrically opposite to our own. This can cause friction. If communication is rocky, or absent, the relationship suffers dramatically.
 

Agreed, and understood! In the case of a second marriage for both, would you cast similar consideration forth? That daunting, malingering, deeply buried consideration that he/she "did it before" eating beneath the aura of status quo during a second marriage. imp
 
It's you Imp, you are wrong about everything. :eek: :eek: I'm just joking Imp. No, I think it might be a common trend, although my husband and I have always had our own opinions about things no matter what age we were. On the important big stuff, we usually agreed and still do except I'd like to live in town and he likes the country.

What I have noticed is my husband and brother have started bickering like an old married couple. They've been best friends for over 50 years and started this arguing about 2 years ago. It's starting to concern me. My brother has lived in a 5th wheel in our back yard under a big oak tree since he retired 5 or 6 years ago. His wife died about 10 years ago. Anyway, they argue about the silliest things and it seems like they each jump on the other one about stuff that years ago they would have just let slid. They argue a lot about the temperature and what it is, both inside and out. It's not big arguments it's just little things and it's close to driving me nuts. And to top that off, my brother is really getting forgetful and mixed up so I think dementia is setting in. And I think my husband is getting a little bit forgetful too. I tell the kids (mine and my brother's) that I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck here in the mountains with 2 crazy old men driving a backhoe around the property. My brother bought a big backhoe just because he used to run heavy equipment 50 years ago. He still knows how to run it but he's so forgetful I'm afraid to have him on it, plus, he doesn't need it!!! And sometimes, (Oh, I shouldn't even get started here, I could write a book!) my husband gets in the bucket of it and then my brother puts him up real high to cut off a tree limb or do electrical work out at our power pole! They act like 2 little kids sometimes! I'm concerned this arguing is something they are not going to get over. They help and take care of each other a lot and it's so sad to see it come to this. Here is a photo of them about 48 years ago when my brother (on the right) was in a store buying a Polaroid camera.
2Larrys.jpg
 
Handsome men, Linda. I can see why the bickering could drive you nuts. Perhaps it may be enhanced by the aging process, although some people use arguing as a form of affectionate communication. Odd to those of us who do not.
 
What foot is the Shoe On?

Linda said:
It's you Imp, you are wrong about everything. Of course, Lin, I already know it!!

What I have noticed is my husband and brother have started bickering like an old married couple. . I tell the kids (mine and my brother's) that I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck here in the mountains with 2 crazy old men driving a backhoe around the property. Could be stuck in the mountains with worse, like my wife was once with me!

My brother bought a big backhoe just because he used to run heavy equipment 50 years ago. He still knows how to run it but he's so forgetful I'm afraid to have him on it, plus, he doesn't need it!!! And sometimes, (Oh, I shouldn't even get started here, I could write a book!) my husband gets in the bucket of it and then my brother puts him up real high to cut off a tree limb or do electrical work out at our power pole! Lin, by now you know about how nuts I am, and ya gotta be baiting me here, dont'cha?

They act like 2 little kids sometimes! I'm concerned this arguing is something they are not going to get over. They help and take care of each other a lot and it's so sad to see it come to this. Here is a photo of them about 48 years ago when my brother (on the right) was in a store buying a Polaroid camera. Men ARE like little kids. A reversion back to avoid the inevitable up front. Me? I still feel the need sometimes to "cook up" some s*it like I did at 14, which nearly cost my eyesight and face, just to know I can do it. Men. Know what I mean? Gosh, the stuff which surfaces because of my reminiscing! Just keep them away from the power lines! Maybe poke a hole in the gas tank. Or, spend a month away in, say, Panama, or....maybe Laughlin? Ha! imp


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tnthomas said:
Gets worse by marriage #3. By #4 you get honorary degree for marriage counseling....if you make it to a major anniversary milestone.

;)
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I'm on #3 and the best by far. 15 years so far. No counseling needed. Husband is glad the first two were such b*stards as it makes him almost saintly.
 
I think that as I've got older, my attitudes have hardened and become less compromising. My 'other, and doubtless Better, half', just tends to let me ramble. Occasionally, friends and family think we argue, but we don't really. After 42 years of marriage, we're not going to waste time on arguments. There's still time for a lot of fun.
 
For what it's worth, Imp. My wife and I have been together almost 59 years. Most of the time, we agree on just about everything, and there are days we couldn't agree if our lives depended on it. Most of the time it's stupid things we can't agree on. i think a contributing factor is when we were working, we didn't see that much of each other, now, we are together 24/7.
 
I have a rather dim-witted theory about this topic. Being aware of our mortality creates the unknown which is wonder and concern for the time, when it arrives, that we will be making it alone, when a spouse passes on. Unconsciously, "testing" and preparation begins, which in subconsciously intended to "steel" us for that time in advance of it's arrival. Kind of preparation of a mental "cushion".

It's not obvious, and not seriously distressing, just a gradual "distancing", if you will. No believer in psychoanalysis, and perhaps Shalimar will "straighten" me out here. imp
 
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Imp, I am not certain any straightening is required. More than one way to fly right, I think. People deal with impending mortality/loss in a variety of ways. For some, it draws them closer, others require a certain emotional distance in order to avoid
crashing should they lose their partner. The only pitfalls I see, could come in the form of overdoing it, ie: either too clingy or too distant --these attitudes can mar the time you have left to share with each other.
 
imp said:
I have a rather dim-witted theory about this topic. Being aware of our mortality creates the unknown which is wonder and concern for the time, when it arrives, that we will be making it alone, when a spouse passes on. Unconsciously, "testing" and preparation begins, which in subconsciously intended to "steel" us for that time in advance of it's arrival. Kind of preparation of a mental "cushion".

It's not obvious, and not seriously distressing, just a gradual "distancing", if you will. No believer in psychoanalysis, and perhaps Shalimar will "straighten" me out here. imp
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I have wondered about that before too. I think you and Shalimar might be right about it.
 
I think that as I've got older, my attitudes have hardened and become less compromising. My 'other, and doubtless Better, half', just tends to let me ramble. Occasionally, friends and family think we argue, but we don't really. After 42 years of marriage, we're not going to waste time on arguments. There's still time for a lot of fun.

I think that sums it up rather nicely. After almost thirty years together the stuff we used to fight over has completely lost significance. Now we realize we won't be here forever, might as well be blissful where we are. We know each other we can almost finish each others sentences. In fact we do...
Hubby-Ya know what I heard? Remember that guy who used to live a few houses ovah?
Me-Oh yeah Lupo, the Lupos, Joseph
Hubby-Yeah well his daughter what was her name
Me-Geraldine, she started the dance studio
Hubby-and the mother
Me-She was a teacher
Hubby-Carol yeah that was it, she taught somewhere
Me-Newark
Hubby-Yeah that's it, now I forgot what I was going to tell ya:):)
 
Shalimar said:
Imp, I am not certain any straightening is required. More than one way to fly right, I think. People deal with impending mortality/loss in a variety of ways. For some, it draws them closer, others require a certain emotional distance in order to avoid
crashing should they lose their partner. The only pitfalls I see, could come in the form of overdoing it, ie: either too clingy or too distant --these attitudes can mar the time you have left to share with each other.
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"Emotional distance" is the perfect term, which I could not come up with! Thank you! imp
 
fureverywhere said:
I think that as I've got older, my attitudes have hardened and become less compromising. My 'other, and doubtless Better, half', just tends to let me ramble. Occasionally, friends and family think we argue, but we don't really. After 42 years of marriage, we're not going to waste time on arguments. There's still time for a lot of fun.

I think that sums it up rather nicely. After almost thirty years together the stuff we used to fight over has completely lost significance. Now we realize we won't be here forever, might as well be blissful where we are. We know each other we can almost finish each others sentences. In fact we do...
Hubby-Ya know what I heard? Remember that guy who used to live a few houses ovah?
Me-Oh yeah Lupo, the Lupos, Joseph
Hubby-Yeah well his daughter what was her name
Me-Geraldine, she started the dance studio
Hubby-and the mother
Me-She was a teacher
Hubby-Carol yeah that was it, she taught somewhere
Me-Newark
Hubby-Yeah that's it, now I forgot what I was going to tell ya:):)
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Love it. :laugh:,,and oh so true!
 
tnthomas said:
Gets worse by marriage #3. By #4 you get honorary degree for marriage counseling....if you make it to a major anniversary milestone.

;)
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Not always... My 3rd marriage is the best one I've had... I chalk that up to my knowing how to choose better.. Just thought back to the first two choices and picked the opposite.. hahahahahaha
 
My wife and I argue less now than we ever did. We used to run our relationship as a contest of wills,neither of us willing to give ground or lose face under any circumstances.
Over the years I learned that my balls were not going to fall of if I conceded to her,and she learned that she did not become subservient if she conceded the occaisional point to a male.
On me aging has had a wonderful effect,making me a much better person than I ever was. I have become much more considerate of those around me. I have not reached the point where I "celebrate" diversity,but I certainly am accepting of it. It is much less stressful than hating and raging against everything and anyone I didn't understand.
These days the only thing that gets my fired up are the TeaParty inspired republicans and the knee jerk ban all guns uber liberals!
 
An Irish woman goes to the lawyer's office to ask about getting a divorce.

"Do you have grounds for divorce?", asks the lawyer.

"Grounds? No, we live in an apartment, no grounds at all. I don't even have a window-box for me flowers."

"Well, is there a grudge involved?"

"Grudge? We've never even owned a car and he keeps his cycle out in the hallway. No need for a grudge."

"I'm just trying to find out if you have a case."

"Mary, Joseph and Jesus, what would I need a case for? He never takes me on a holiday and I barely have the clothes on me back, so what would I have need of a case to put me rags in?"

"Well, does he beat you up?"

"Beat me up? I should say not! The lazy amadan sleeps til noon since he went on the dole, but I have to get up to get the children off to school every day at the crack 'o dawn. Beat me up, indeed!"

"Do you and your husband still have....um.....relations?"

"Well, he still has his mother living, the auld banshee, and me auld da is hanging on somewhere."

"Mrs. Murphy, we have to establish some due cause for divorce. How about infidelity?"

"Well, saints alive, there you go, I think you might have it. I know for a fact that the two youngest kids aren't his!"

"Mrs. Murphy, we're not getting anywhere. Exactly WHY do you want a divorce from your husband?"

"He's driving me out of me mind and I can't live like that. I just can't have an intelligent conversation wi' the man!"
 
Marrige #2 has been 43 years and we agree on almost everything. When we don't it's usually some little thing that doesn't matter that much anyhow. If we disagreed on almost everything, we would not be married.
 
That's my feeling.. Why be married to someone you don't agree on anything with? Life's too short.
 

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