It Takes Effort To Be Social Living Alone

I am a loner. I like being by myself and the hubby is the same way. He does his thing and I do mine. I think if you feel that you have to get out and join groups or whatever then it will never be fun because you are forcing yourself do something that isn't you.
I've never been bored and the days aren't long enough for me. The virus has not made me feel isolated at all. Long winter days are right up my alley.
When we had friends or company over it rarely was more than 2 couples at a time. More than that and I get a headache.
I've had long conversations about this with my kids. I told them if the time comes and I am living by myself I don't want to hear one word about joining anything.
Let me alone in my rocker with my memories, old photos and whatever else strikes my fancy.
I have vivid memories from years ago while working in a nursing home. We had a very sociable supervisor, she was a wonderful, caring person but she had a habit of dragging these poor old souls down the hall for bingo, music, crafts or any activity.
So many pleaded to just let them be. I felt for them then and my feelings haven't changed. Let me be.
 

Ruth n Jersey said:
I am a loner. I like being by myself and the hubby is the same way. He does his thing and I do mine. I think if you feel that you have to get out and join groups or whatever then it will never be fun because you are forcing yourself do something that isn't you.
I've never been bored and the days aren't long enough for me. The virus has not made me feel isolated at all. Long winter days are right up my alley.
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I’m definitely a loner and being a loner is different than being a social person but my nurse practitioner recently told me that there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert and that there are lots of us around.

The virus hasn’t really changed my life either except that I wear a mask to go shopping.
My husband and I spend most of our time together but then are as happy doing our own separate things alone. It’s not the same as being single but I’m just offering support to all the loners out there. We might be alone physically but we are never alone spiritually.
 

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After my mother died in 2002, my father's doctor recommended to him going to the senior center dinner to do things with others. He was 83 at that time. So he went to it and then calls me and tells me it was a bunch of old people in way worst shape than he was in. Even though his doctor thought it was good for him, what she didn't know was that he knew a lot of people in the area. Just didn't do things together. And he was an active senior, right up to the day he died.
 
katlupe said:
After my mother died in 2002, my father's doctor recommended to him going to the senior center dinner to do things with others. He was 83 at that time. So he went to it and then calls me and tells me it was a bunch of old people in way worst shape than he was in. Even though his doctor thought it was good for him, what she didn't know was that he knew a lot of people in the area. Just didn't do things together. And he was an active senior, right up to the day he died.
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Sorry for your loss. Your father sounds like a well adjusted man who preferred his sense of privacy and freedom. Sometimes going to a senior home to meet others isn’t always a good idea. May sound good on paper but in reality , not so much. It can scare people especially if they are not ready for it.
 
I have noticed people around me who become less social as they age, whether they are alone or not. It happened to my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, friends and other relatives. Perhaps this latest virus brouhaha has accelerated that tendency for some/many, I don't know. Regardless, just as you may need to force yourself to exercise, the same can be said to socialize.
 
JonDouglas said:
I have noticed people around me who become less social as they age, whether they are alone or not. It happened to my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, friends and other relatives. Perhaps this latest virus brouhaha has accelerated that tendency for some/many, I don't know. Regardless, just as you may need to force yourself to exercise, the same can be said to socialize.
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I walk around the block, around and around and around, to get my steps in and I chat with the dogs that bark at me and now the owners come out and say hi or wave at me, and now some of the people who live in the neighborhood, driving by in their cars, wave at me and I wave back. Sometimes the people in the cars pull over and talk a little.

You have to be social to socialize ☺️. And this little bit of socialization along with store clerk socialization is just enough for me. A good friend to hang with is nice, but I just am not that interested any more.
 
Aneeda72 said:
I walk around the block, around and around and around, to get my steps in and I chat with the dogs that bark at me and now the owners come out and say hi or wave at me, and now some of the people who live in the neighborhood, driving by in their cars, wave at me and I wave back. Sometimes the people in the cars pull over and talk a little.

You have to be social to socialize ☺️. And this little bit of socialization along with store clerk socialization is just enough for me. A good friend to hang with is nice, but I just am not that interested any more.
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I think you have to be social to "like" to socialize. I also think, for right or for wrong, that socializing is another bit of sensory input that aids your (use it or lose it) brain function.
 
@Aneeda72 I feel exactly the way you do. I'm a great, "hello, how are you?" over the fence kind of person but I prefer not finding that person on my back porch for a long afternoon chat.
My sister in law has MS. It is in remission and she can still get around yet her doctor recommended that she join an MS support group. The meeting she attended was held at a local pool. When she walked in she saw people being lowered into the pool from stretchers and wheel chairs.
It left a terrible impression on her wondering if this is going to happen to her. She talks about it to this day.
I guess some people get a lot of support going to these groups but she and I certainly would not be among them.
 
I am still learning this business of living alone. Looking back over my life, after leaving home I travelled for a bit but then had roommates so I have lived with someone for 45 years. When DH died I was finally on my own. Someone else wrote on this thread that they go out and talk to the dog walkers, that's me and for the most part that's enough. I am not totally alone, I have our dog.
 
Gaer said:
As I live in my own private "little diggins", my own home,and never see neighbors or ANYONE, it's complete alone time, all the time.
If I go to the grocery, I'll say hello to the cashier, and that's IT!
Men say hello at the Post office and I say hello back. I don't have friends or relatives closer than 2000 miles away.
It's all right though. I'm pretty self-sufficient. It's kind of a strange feeling though!
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I admire your independence, I don't think I could ever get used to being completely alone although I am most of the time and feel lost.
 
Gaer said:
hahaha! Secret? This is something I'm supposed to be going through. There are a lot of serious things going on in this world. I remind myself to lighten up from my seriousness. I try to make my life as wonderful and joyous as possible. Play music, sculpt for bronze, paint, sing, dance, read, study, meditate, write poetry, write articles, i'm deep into philosophy, angelic communication, metaphysics, literature, design; many interests. I'm free, healthy, alive and always working toward making myself better and developing spirituality. expanding my consciousness.
It would be wonderful if there were a man to share these things with and keep me grounded but, I don't see that as a possibility.
haha! he would have to be pretty extraordinary!
So,I try to stay cheerful, thankful and hopeful.
Just keep in mind, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment."
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wow sounds a little like how I try to live. I have discovered so many benefits of using u-tube that I hardly have time to be bored or worrying about what to do next.
I have found so many of the 'sayings' to be true..like
we are about as happy as we make up our minds to be or
there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so
I am sure you are familiar with both and more... :)
 
Reading this thread makes it clear that we are all unique in our own way. I had been looking forward to our activities in our community room to open up and went to one coffee hour but when the next one came up, I didn't even go. I think I got out of the groove. I have been seeing more people out and about now. I go and do things with my bf but other than that I do things alone and I don't mind in the least.
 
katlupe said:
Reading this thread makes it clear that we are all unique in our own way. I had been looking forward to our activities in our community room to open up and went to one coffee hour but when the next one came up, I didn't even go. I think I got out of the groove. I have been seeing more people out and about now. I go and do things with my bf but other than that I do things alone and I don't mind in the least.
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About activities in community rooms: I know a gal who lives in a mobile home park here and up until the Covid lockdown, the owner of the park would host a get-together one Monday morning a month; the owner would supply donuts & all residents were invited & brought a mug of whatever they wanted to drink. She said it was really nice: there were some residents who never attended, some who only attended once, some who only attended once in a while, and enough like my friend who always attended so there'd always be someone to chat with.

So a few months back, I was telling another friend's neighbor about it and she was stunned. She said that her mother had been living in another nice large mobile home park with a nice clubhouse in this town, and part of the reason the mother had chosen that park was because of its nice community room, thought that meant there'd be park-wide get-togethers maybe once in a while but nope; the commun. rm. sits there empty and unused all the time, even before Covid.

And I got to thinking about it: since the mid-1960s, I've lived in a lot of large apartment complexes, mobile home parks, and one condominium complex over the years, in 2 different states altogether, almost all of which had nice, large community rooms and there was never one, single solitary time that whoever owned the place hosted a get-together like that. Once in a while, an individual tenant would reserve the room and use it for their own private get-together, but never a complex-wide or park-wide get-together, not even at any holiday. I wonder why?
 
officerripley said:
About activities in community rooms: I know a gal who lives in a mobile home park here and up until the Covid lockdown, the owner of the park would host a get-together one Monday morning a month; the owner would supply donuts & all residents were invited & brought a mug of whatever they wanted to drink. She said it was really nice: there were some residents who never attended, some who only attended once, some who only attended once in a while, and enough like my friend who always attended so there'd always be someone to chat with.

So a few months back, I was telling another friend's neighbor about it and she was stunned. She said that her mother had been living in another nice large mobile home park with a nice clubhouse in this town, and part of the reason the mother had chosen that park was because of its nice community room, thought that meant there'd be park-wide get-togethers maybe once in a while but nope; the commun. rm. sits there empty and unused all the time, even before Covid.

And I got to thinking about it: since the mid-1960s, I've lived in a lot of large apartment complexes, mobile home parks, and one condominium complex over the years, in 2 different states altogether, almost all of which had nice, large community rooms and there was never one, single solitary time that whoever owned the place hosted a get-together like that. Once in a while, an individual tenant would reserve the room and use it for their own private get-together, but never a complex-wide or park-wide get-together, not even at any holiday. I wonder why?
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IMO it depends to a large extent on whether you rent or own the property where you live.

I've lived in two different apartment complexes including my current one where the management used to coordinate and bear the major costs of Christmas parties and summer cookout/pool parties.

Both places stopped them and other than the obvious cost of the events my theory is that when tenants get together they begin discussing things that they have in common starting with how cheap the refreshments are compared to the rent, how much rent each tenant pays, building maintenance, quality of life issues, etc... and it creates problems for the management for months following the event.

Where I live now they have even removed the park benches in the courtyards to discourage people from getting together.
 
Aunt Bea said:
IMO it depends to a large extent on whether you rent or own the property where you live.

I've lived in two different apartment complexes including my current one where the management used to coordinate and bear the major costs of Christmas parties and summer cookout/pool parties.

Both places stopped them and other than the obvious cost of the events my theory is that when tenants get together they begin discussing things that they have in common starting with how cheap the refreshments are compared to the rent, how much rent each tenant pays, building maintenance, quality of life issues, etc... and it creates problems for the management for months following the event.

Where I live now they have even removed the park benches in the courtyards to discourage people from getting together.
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I bet your theory is right.
 
The community room here is for our use but our activities are not hosted by the management in any way. A handful of the tenants used to have a once a month meeting where each of us donated $2. for our fund that was used for a flower or fruit basket if someone was in the hospital or a funeral of a family member. We would make our plan for the month of our activities which included Bingo, Movie Night and a potluck supper. Then our old manager would print one out for each apartment and someone would put them on each door. It would also include birthdays for that month. The new manager said no, they will not do that for us. Too much work or too expensive to print it out. Don't know. Our old manager also held a meeting every so often for everyone in the building to voice their complaints and sometimes she would bring doughnuts and coffee or pizza.

Since the quarantine we could not do any of this. Now we have had two coffee hours. But our activities were by no means full of people. Only about 10 or 12 people at the most, if that many. My boyfriend came to the potluck suppers because he was invited and they all like him. One other lady's boyfriend came too but since then, he has moved in with her.

It was always run by tenants and the management has no part in it. I see on their website their other apartment complexes offer much more than this one but most are much larger and have families and younger tenants. We are disabled and/or seniors only. If we had any concerns then one of us would go talk to the manager about it and would try to get it resolved.
 
I met a woman in a chat room years ago. We had some good conversations and I thought we had a good report with each other. I offered to move to be with her and she accepted. I was in portland oregon,she was in jacksonville fl. She had been using her computer to chat with many others and did not give that up after I moved in. Three years and poof. She never became more involved with me and it was over. To bad. It was my last chance. Now I am alone back where I was born, in montana.
 
One winter we were in an RV park with a common room. The owner provided an old TV & video player & the old exercise tapes. It was up to the members to organize the weekly sessions. And clean up afterward!!!

For many managers, they don’t want the job or cleanup. If there are some social people in a building, post-Covid they could organize something. Usually others wait for someone else to do it.
 
cdestroyer said:
I met a woman in a chat room years ago. We had some good conversations and I thought we had a good report with each other. I offered to move to be with her and she accepted. I was in portland oregon,she was in jacksonville fl. She had been using her computer to chat with many others and did not give that up after I moved in. Three years and poof. She never became more involved with me and it was over. To bad. It was my last chance. Now I am alone back where I was born, in montana.
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It sounds like she wanted to have online relationships only. Some people enjoy that more. I think it is more exciting not knowing the person offline. My bf and I connected on fakebook and it was exciting to me, but now after 3 years, we talk on the phone for hours and see each other a few times during the week. It is not like what we were saying online to each other but it is a good relationship and we are happy.

I figure if you want to meet someone special you will, but it is never your last chance. Sometimes it when you least expect it.
 
Jules said:
One winter we were in an RV park with a common room. The owner provided an old TV & video player & the old exercise tapes. It was up to the members to organize the weekly sessions. And clean up afterward!!!

For many managers, they don’t want the job or cleanup. If there are some social people in a building, post-Covid they could organize something. Usually others wait for someone else to do it.
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Yes, that is how it was here. Our tenant meetings were always about organizing our activities. The same people did the set up and clean up every time. But they wanted to do it. If you asked to help they would say no thanks and for you to sit down. It could be because I was not as mobile as they are. Our room was kept very clean all the time. Now the maintenance man has to sanitize it more and he does not like any extra work.
 
katlupe said:
Yes, that is how it was here. Our tenant meetings were always about organizing our activities. The same people did the set up and clean up every time. But they wanted to do it. If you asked to help they would say no thanks and for you to sit down. It could be because I was not as mobile as they are. Our room was kept very clean all the time. Now the maintenance man has to sanitize it more and he does not like any extra work.
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He'd soon want it to be sanitised if he caught covid....😳
 
He does want it sanitized but after that for no one to use it. He comes here and zooms through the cleaning and his chores super fast. In and out. Our old maintenance man was our friend and he was good but this was the only complex he worked at. I think this one has three to work at and our manager manages two. So maybe it is too much work for one person.
 

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