It won’t matter once we’re gone.

MACKTEXAS said:
I have a deed to our lots which names the specific spaces and lot number, which are further identified on a recorded map, to eliminate any uncertainty.

At the top, it's titled "Certificate of Ownership" and has the deed number and control number. In the body of the document, among other language, it states that "the recorded map or plot(s) have been recorded in the Platt records of [name of my County here] in the State of Texas."

Near the bottom of the agreement it states, "This agreement shall not be assigned or transferred without the written consent of the Grantor and the owner, or owner's successors or assigns."

I like having a recorded document, but shouldn't ever need it, since my wife is already buried in her space, and there's a double marker already set with both our names on it.
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I asked my wife if the original receipt had the plot number listed and she said it did and it was five rows back instead of what he was pointing out.
That person has since died so we have no recourse but to accept where we wound up at.
Like I said it won’t matter anyway.
 

GP44 said:
I asked my wife if the original receipt had the plot number listed and she said it did and it was five rows back instead of what he was pointing out.
That person has since died so we have no recourse but to accept where we wound up at.
Like I said it won’t matter anyway.
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Maybe you could get a partial refund since you’re not getting what you actually bought. It might save them a lot of trouble to do that because otherwise you have a legal claim on the plot that you bought since you have a receipt.
 
Pappy said:
Body’s donated to science and then cremation. What my kids do with the ashes doesn’t matter to us.
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That is what my SIL said that my recently deceased brother wanted.
Seemed to be so lacking because of the fact that there was no ceremony.
That kind of leaves the family feeling like we are left out in the grieving process.
At least that was what it was like in my brothers case.
 

Tom52 said:
We went to my BIL's funeral last month in his home town in Iowa. Nice service, huge turnout. We then went to the cemetery for the burial. Right at the end of the ceremony, the funeral director went up to my sister and told her they had dug the wrong plot and he couldn't be buried that day. They would have to take him back to the funeral home, dig a new grave the next day and bury him after. Talk about a screw up. Of course my sister was extremely upset. A couple hours later the funeral director called my sister and advised that they made arrangements so BIL was finally buried in that spot and she has the plot reserved next to him for her.
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That happened to my hubs father ….he requested he be buried next to or with his young son who died in a house fire 44 years ago …when the hearse tuned up at the cemetery we were left siting in cars at the car park for an hour while they dug another gave as the one that had been dug was for a funeral latter that same day
so he didn’t get his wish …he’s ( along with hubs mother ) buried rows away from their 23 year old son ( hubs brother )
@Tom52
 
GP44 said:
Wife and I met the guys who were supposed to set our headstone at the cemetery.
We had bought the plot along the road and beside a tree several years ago.
At least that was what we thought.
When the guys arrived with the stone we told them where we thought we were supposed to be and they told us that if that was right that the cement base hadn’t been poured yet.
So they called the guys who manage the cemetery and we were told that we were five rows back and 30 yards to the side amongst a bunch of other new markers.
The wife didn’t like that and insisted that we were in the plot that we were shown when we bought it.
The cemetery people took us to an office and showed us a map of where everyone’s plots are located.
Looks like someone had bought 6 or 8 plots all together where we thought ours was.
That’s when I understood why we had been moved.
I don’t mind being moved as long as it’s for a good cause such as keeping some family all together in one place.
But they should have told us that before we drove 40 miles to the cemetery and had the memorial people on the way.
We finally consented to the plot that they had moved us to.
By that time the guys with our headstone had left.
Not much we can do about it anyway and after all - it won’t matter that much after we’re gone.
So we spent a half of a very warm and humid day at the cemetery.
It was so warm and humid out I told the wife that I felt like I was already spending eternity at the cemetery.
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Firstly, I'm sorry for you if this truly bothers you. That must have been disappointing.

As people here will know, I have a very real view that once I'm gone, I'm gone. I don't want a grave, nor do I want a headstone. I don't need a ceremony. I've done the best I can, but once I'm gone life, and the world, is of no further interest to me, and it's for the living to do their things without having an emotionally anchor around their neck. I don't want people visiting a grave, I don't them bringing flowers. I'd much rather than spent their time and money on their immediate loved ones - on the living.

I feel the same about funerals. Like most, I've attended too many. I spoke at my fathers funeral. That said, I HATE funerals. There is nothing about them I like. People can talk about respect, sorrow, grief. Fine. But you don't need a funeral for that.

Which I say in all deference to yourself, and your own wants and needs.
 
Kadee said:
Laws are different everywhere but here in Australia after you are buried you are only given a 25 year lease ( now days ) …..unless you have family to pay a yearly fee to extend the lease…. you are dug up and in some cases human bones have been found at the rubbish dump in South Aust after graves were revamped at a large cemetery .

Our neighbours have just renewed a lease on her fathers grave which also contains their still born daughter born 30 years ago it’s costing them $450 a year
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OMG.
Where I live, you get to stay permanently. That will be fine with me. It's a visually beautiful cemetery and I'll be with my fam in a family plot. :) :)
 
Aunt Bea said:
Do some checking with the cemetery before you give up.

I’m being cremated and in my cemetery up to five cremations can be placed in a single grave.

This policy allows me to be buried in our old family plot.

I ordered and have installed a very simple flush to the ground granite marker at the foot of my grandparents graves.

The cemetery will still charge a fee to bury my ashes but it has been prepaid along with my other funeral expenses.

If for some reason my ashes don’t make it I really don’t care as long as they add my death date to the stone.
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Yes you can fit multiple urns into one plot, but how are you going to arrange headstones. Most cemetery only allows one headstone per plot. So I guess you will make a brand new headstone each time when there is a new urn added. But headstones aren't cheap either.
 
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GP44 said:
I asked my wife if the original receipt had the plot number listed and she said it did and it was five rows back instead of what he was pointing out.
That person has since died so we have no recourse but to accept where we wound up at.
Like I said it won’t matter anyway.
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There should have been a contract, receipt or some paper work indicating the specific location of the plot, written black and white.
 
VaughanJB said:
Firstly, I'm sorry for you if this truly bothers you. That must have been disappointing.

As people here will know, I have a very real view that once I'm gone, I'm gone. I don't want a grave, nor do I want a headstone. I don't need a ceremony. I've done the best I can, but once I'm gone life, and the world, is of no further interest to me, and it's for the living to do their things without having an emotionally anchor around their neck. I don't want people visiting a grave, I don't them bringing flowers. I'd much rather than spent their time and money on their immediate loved ones - on the living.

I feel the same about funerals. Like most, I've attended too many. I spoke at my fathers funeral. That said, I HATE funerals. There is nothing about them I like. People can talk about respect, sorrow, grief. Fine. But you don't need a funeral for that.

Which I say in all deference to yourself, and your own wants and needs.
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Funerals are for the living loved ones to process their grief, not for the death.
Tombs are for the living loved ones to come visit to process their memories, not for the deaths.
If you don't have loved ones who will do any of these, you really don't need a funeral or a tomb.
 
OldOld said:
Funerals are for the living loved ones to process their grief, not for the death.
Tombs are for the living loved ones to come visit to process their memories, not for the deaths.
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Fine.

But my message would be - you don't need a funeral to process your grief. Take your time, in your time, and in your own way. You don't need an appointed date where you bring flowers, sing a song, and recite a prayer. Instead, get on with life.

Same with tombs - but two fold. I've taken up enough space on this planet while alive, I don't want to continue to take up space once I'm gone.

I've visited graves. For example, the last time was to visit my grandmothers grave. Loved her, hated the grave. What an horrendous experience. There was nothing of her there, but she lives in my heart.
 
I have no plans for when I die. I will be long gone and the body I used will be ugly and useless. The powers that be can do anything they want with it. I have no realitives that will volunteer to take care of things. Once you are gone there is no control over all this and since you can't do things like get a grave after you're gone, why worry? A lot of hole digging for nothing from my POV.


For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

"Kahil Gibran, The Phropet"
 
There may be almost as many different final wishes as there are people who express them. If I was in charge of final arrangements for anyone, I would try to follow their last wishes, if known, whenever practical, possible, and reasonable.

My daughter and I have been estranged for over a year. Either she chose for it to be that way, or she has become a victim of misfortune - I don't know which.

So, to my knowledge, my immediate family now only consists of cousins. We are friendly, but it is highly unlikely they will be grief stricken at my passing. Nevertheless, they will be in charge of disposing of my remains. They are responsible people, and I have every confidence they will carry out my final wishes. I have already paid in advance for all costs. All that said, I've let them know that no funeral or other ceremonial experience is necessary, but that I do want to be buried next to my wife.

I'm not opposed to cremation for those who prefer it. It's simply not what I want for myself, nor what was agreed between my wife and myself prior to her death.
 
VaughanJB said:
Fine.

But my message would be - you don't need a funeral to process your grief.
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Some people do, others don't. Different people have different ways to grieve and bring closures. My mom passed during Covid time when it was difficult to arrange a funeral. So I made a memorial video and sent it to friends and families, so they can bring closures for themselves.
 

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