Jealousy is surely the worst trait

[Rose65]

It gets to me most. I can honestly say I am jealous of nobody. Because I don't think that way, I often find I don't realise when others are jealous of me, but once I do become aware, I deal with it firmly.

For too long I didn't know my sister and my mother were each envious of things I did or had. I used to confide in both but didn't notice their subtle negativity and criticism. Once I became awake to it I simply stopped telling them anything. I cut off information by always focussing the conversation on them and this worked beautifully. I keep my life low key, play down any good things. Mother is long gone but it's a pity she wasted so much time being envious of others.

It has resulted in me becoming a very private person who chooses confidantes very carefully. Jealousy is so ugly and I can't stand it.

Who surprised you in your life by giving away how jealous they can be?

 

[Supernatural]

It gets to me most. I can honestly say I am jealous of nobody. Because I don't think that way, I often find I don't realise when others are jealous of me, but once I do become aware, I deal with it firmly.

For too long I didn't know my sister and my mother were each envious of things I did or had. I used to confide in both but didn't notice their subtle negativity and criticism. Once I became awake to it I simply stopped telling them anything. I cut off information by always focussing the conversation on them and this worked beautifully. I keep my life low key, play down any good things. Mother is long gone but it's a pity she wasted so much time being envious of others.

It has resulted in me becoming a very private person who chooses confidantes very carefully. Jealousy is so ugly and I can't stand it.

Who surprised you in your life by giving away how jealous they can be?

You and me both. I've suffered from jealousy from others for far too long. I've become a hermit... gosh I've heard that phrase from so many. However private I've become, it helps me cope better than before.

Nevertheless, it would be nice to have someone you could talk to that really would understand what we've been through. As it lifts the heart so much when someone says: "I really know how you feel, cause I've been through that myself..." without judgement but with genuine caring.

Cheers!

 

[Ruthanne]

Jealousy is a common human trait. Try accepting jealousy for what it is-feelings of inadequacy that most of us have. I mean when someone is jealous they feel ignored or not as good as the other getting the applause. Having compassion for those who feel jealous is a step in the right direction. It's compassion that we all need.

 

[Rose65]

You and me both. I've suffered from jealousy from others for far too long. I've become a hermit... gosh I've heard that phrase from so many. However private I've become, it helps me cope better than before.

Nevertheless, it would be nice to have someone you could talk to that really would understand what we've been through. As it lifts the heart so much when someone says: "I really know how you feel, cause I've been through that myself..." without judgement but with genuine caring.

Cheers!

I now am essentially a hermit in my head. I just won't tolerate interference.

 

[Rose65]

Jealousy is a common human trait. Try accepting jealousy for what it is-feelings of inadequacy that most of us have. I mean when someone is jealous they feel ignored or not as good as the other getting the applause. Having compassion for those who feel jealous is a step in the right direction. It's compassion that we all need.

Sorry no. Jealousy destabilises and has damaged my peace of mind too many times, I cannot understand it. Each person has their own path and good luck to those who do well in life. Envy is so destructive and unnecessary and futile.
I just wish people well.

 

[Ruthanne]

Sorry no. Jealousy destabilises and has damaged my peace of mind too many times, I cannot understand it. Each person has their own path and good luck to those who do well in life. Envy is so destructive and unnecessary and futile.
I just wish people well.

Just think about what I said when you are not angry.

 

[Ruthanne]

As far jealousy being the worst trait I don't think it is-- bing murderous is the worst..

 

[Della]

I agree with Ruthanne that it isn't the worst thing in the world but there is a commandment against coveting so I guess it can be really bad if taken to the extreme. Lots of wars have been started because a ruler was jealous of another country's resources or another ruler's power.

Who surprised me in my life by giving away how jealous they can be? I went to a high school reunion and overheard a woman from a different group from mine talking about how my group all thought we were all that and look at us now, so-and-so had died and this other one had come to nothing, etc. Our groups were just based on which neighborhood we came from and where we had gone to grade school together. Yes my group lived in slightly nicer houses, but that wasn't why we were friends.

I was shocked that someone had been keeping track of us and rejoicing when one of us had bad luck. Not a single one of us had ever thought we were better than anyone else, in fact we were all plagued with the usual teenage insecurities.

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[jujube]

I don't think it's my *worst* trait (that would definitely be gluttony, with sloth coming in for a strong second), but if I said I've never been jealous or felt envy, I'd be lying and/or delusional. YMMV.

 

[Alligatorob]

Jealousy is surely the worst trait

Don't know about worst, but it is not good. I remember being jealous when I was younger, over women, achievements of others, etc. I seem to have mostly outgrown it, a good thing. I am not aware of anyone being jealous of me, but I tend to be oblivious to such things.

I don't think it's my *worst* trait (that would definitely be gluttony, with sloth coming in for a strong second)

Same here, the gluttony part for sure.

if I said I've never been jealous or felt envy, I'd be lying and/or delusional.

Yep

 

[Pepper]

I have been jealous. It is an ugly, painful feeling that destroys its host. It comes from lack of confidence.

But Rose, for your own family to be jealous of you, that is so sad! They should be happy for you, unless of course they think you were bragging! You weren't, right?

People have admired certain traits I have, but there is nothing obvious about me to be jealous of. Oh wait, that damn woman who haunted my marriage making claims about my husband that were lies....she must have been very jealous of me. F her, I say. Would still like to tell her off, but best friends say I should be bigger than that, that I "won." Should I be bigger than that, or get the last word laugh?

Jealousy only brings more agony. Look for root cause.

 

[OldFeller]

Based upon all I've read here, it's easy to see that it's not jealousy per se but rather how you act when jealous that is the culprit.

So it's more an indication of the level of maturity that is revealed when feelings are hurt.

A lot of jealousy comes from the frustration a person feels at not being able, for one reason or other, to enjoy the same benefits that another person is able to.

We don't control what makes us jealous, but we can control how we behave towards others. One of the best ways to deal with it I've seen is when a woman will tell her friend or relation, "I am so jealous".

This releases the power jealousy can have over us and allows a more honest communication.

 

[caroln]

We don't control what makes us jealous, but we can control how we behave towards others. One of the best ways to deal with it I've seen is when a woman will tell her friend or relation, "I am so jealous".

This releases the power jealousy can have over us and allows a more honest communication.

Actually, this has worked for me. My cousin had the perfect husband, perfect marriage, perfect kids, etc. and I was kind of envious of her. Then she got a gorgeous new house that was twice the size of mine. I felt the jealousy creep in again, but I said, "This is beautiful, I'm so jealous." and I felt the jealousy slip away and I became genuinely happy for her. I think owning up to the feeling makes it easier to live with.

 

[Alligatorob]

I was jealous of a guy in high school, he was tall blond and muscular. Girls flocked to him.

Ran into him a few years later and he told me that he had always been jealous of me. He said he really wished he had my deep voice, thought his was high and squeaky. Funny how these things work.

 

[Pepper]

A high school friend who married young; has a great marriage to a great guy; great kids, house, careers told me she was jealous of me running around Europe when she was doing her thing.

 

[Myrtle]

Either I have nothing for anyone to be jealous of or I'm totally oblivious to it. I suppose it could be either but I notice that some reference high school. I know there was a lot of envy and nastiness between girls, especially in high school but I don't remember specifics. Who did what and who said what all those years ago is gone with the wind. I think maybe that is a good thing.

 

[feywon]

The only jealousy that was ever a problem for me was Husband #1's inability to understand i could have male friends w/no benefits. He often seemed put out that i was not jealous of him interacting with other women, even ones he'd had a sexual relationship with when we were separated.

For myself i've made my choices in life based on my priorities and they have given me the life have. It is not an extravagant lifestyle, but i am grateful for where/how i live.

My bouts of depression would no doubt still occur no matter how affluent i was because they are often triggered by my empathy/compassion for others in the world.

 

[C50]

I'm not sure I could chose a "worst" trait, there's too much I dislike about people.

I can certainly relate to down playing being successful in life though. Simply acknowledging success can be interpreted as bragging or can cause jealousy, best to remain quiet and humble.

 

[Remy]

I've never felt like much of a jealous person. I don't ask for much. I'd like to get a little. I could be jealous of many things but I've for the most part, had to accept what life dealt me. If I complain or not.

I'm certainly not anyone to be jealous of. I have been however, harassed for the job I do. I think people believe someone who looks like me should be mopping the floors. A job I've done. Well I overcame a lot to get my sh***y degree.

I can remember my mother when I was very young, sitting there sobbing, shoulder heaving, wailing over and over "I was young once, I had hopes I had dreams." WT actual F? She envied youth. I refuse to do that. I do wish many things I'd done differently and if I could do it again... But that's also normal for many.

 

[Paco Dennis]

I'm not sure I could chose a "worst" trait, there's too much I dislike about people.

I can certainly relate to down playing being successful in life though. Simply acknowledging success can be interpreted as bragging or can cause jealousy, best to remain quiet and humble.

So telling the truth about your life can make some people jealous. I can't control how other people will react to me. Learning self-control when we have disrupting emotions ( and we all do ) is a sign of maturity. Running from them never works.

 

[Rose65]

I have been jealous. It is an ugly, painful feeling that destroys its host. It comes from lack of confidence.

But Rose, for your own family to be jealous of you, that is so sad! They should be happy for you, unless of course they think you were bragging! You weren't, right?

People have admired certain traits I have, but there is nothing obvious about me to be jealous of. Oh wait, that damn woman who haunted my marriage making claims about my husband that were lies....she must have been very jealous of me. F her, I say. Would still like to tell her off, but best friends say I should be bigger than that, that I "won." Should I be bigger than that, or get the last word laugh?

Jealousy only brings more agony. Look for root

That is the thing, to realise your own mother is so envious of your life. It's really unsettling. I don't think I was bragging. I realised whenever life was going well and I might have perhaps gushed a bit with little plans, there was a questioning, criticism and undermining. If i went somewhere and had a nice time, there would be a silence when I told about it, however humble the outing, there was a disapproval going on. She didn't have a good life but then she was never pleased about anything.
My sister too, didn't want to do anything herself but resented when I did.

Eventually I just stopped telling them anything. I realised they spent their time gossiping and criticising everyone else too. So I just made myself really neutral and boring and deprived them of information to use as weapons! I still never tell my sister anything important. I prefer to trust other friends who are supportive and encouraging.

What surprised me was how long it took me to realise this is what they were like.

 

[Rose65]

I've never felt like much of a jealous person. I don't ask for much. I'd like to get a little. I could be jealous of many things but I've for the most part, had to accept what life dealt me. If I complain or not.

I'm certainly not anyone to be jealous of. I have been however, harassed for the job I do. I think people believe someone who looks like me should be mopping the floors. A job I've done. Well I overcame a lot to get my sh***y degree.

I can remember my mother when I was very young, sitting there sobbing, shoulder heaving, wailing over and over "I was young once, I had hopes I had dreams." WT actual F? She envied youth. I refuse to do that. I do wish many things I'd done differently and if I could do it again... But that's also normal for many.

That's it! It's disgusting to indulge in self pity like your mother. That sounds like mine, her life didn't work out too well so she was jealous when I achieved the slightest thing. She envied youth, energy, health when I was leaving home, leaving her behind. Over the years I had a good marriage and she had always been miserable and made dad miserable. That is not my fault. We must accept our parents' lives were not our fault.

 

[Rose65]

A high school friend who married young; has a great marriage to a great guy; great kids, house, careers told me she was jealous of me running around Europe when she was doing her thing.

Appearances are so deceptive, she wasn't as happy as she seemed. The trick is to be grateful for who do have.
It's just startling to think someone secretly wants what you have.

 

[Judycat]

Jealousy is a form of insecurity. It bothers me too. Both my son's in-laws put on a show for it when we're all together, making sure the grandchildren give me no attention. Then complain how I don't seem to care. I find it exhausting sometimes. Thankfully, I don't have to be around them often. There are 365 days in a year. I hate feeling jealous and hide it well. I'll tell the sons I had a nice time to keep the peace.

 

[Ronni]

I don’t mean to imply criticism here, but I think it’s important to note that there IS a difference between jealousy and envy though many people use the terms synonymously.

They actually have distinct meanings. Envy is the painful feeling of wanting what someone else has, like attributes or possessions. Jealousy on the other hand makes you feel threatened, protective, or fearful of losing your position or situation to someone else.

Basically envy feels like “Damn I want that!” whereas jealousy feels like “back off, this is mine! The differences can sometimes be nuanced and subtle depending on circumstance, but often too they are vastly different!

Jealousy is most frequently associated with interpersonal/romantic relationships. If you’re experiencing jealousy in that setting, you’re clearly not thinking that you want something another person has. Instead you’re focused on keeping what you’ve got!! (Your romantic partner, the special closeness you share with a best friend etc). Envy on the other hand is more involved with negative feelings associated with something you want that what someone else has.