Just a thought about unhappiness

When my wife died unexpectedly, I was one miserable man for a few years. I needed to vent and yell to rid myself of the frustrations I was holding within. I had no one else to listen to me. After two and a half years of feeling lonesome, I decided to join a support group. On the the third meeting, I took up the whole 2 hours, but those around me understood. The next meeting, we discussed the things we all had in common. After only a few months, I was beginning to get my life back.

Did or do you love someone so much that you would be willing to take a bullet for that person? One weekend, my wife and I stayed in Washington as a weekend getaway. We had just left the restaurant and was waiting on the valet to bring our car around when a man came running up to us with a gun in his hand. He wanted my Rolex watch and my wallet. He also wanted my wife’s as well. She refused to give it up. He was very impatient and I could tell he was going to shoot her, so I walked in front of her just as he fired the gun.

The bullet entered my chest, only a 1/8 inch from my Aorta. I was bleeding pretty good, but the EMT’s got to me in less than 15 minutes. After they had compression on my chest, I was rushed to the hospital. I was going to be OK. I still have the dented mark from the bullet’s entry. The slug was removed during surgery. It was a .380 I don’t know if the bullet would have killed my wife, but that never occurred to me. I was sure he was going to shoot her.

BTW, my wife was 4 months pregnant with our only child. The shooter was given a 30 year sentence with no parole eligibility for 20 years.
 
I think the most difficult time in my life was when I lost my father 25 years ago. I was in my early 40's. I had been very reliant on him, but my mother was going through clinical depression and as an only child I became responsible for all the arrangements. I picked out the casket, arranged for his body to be flown from FL to NC (where all our relatives were) and worked with a preacher to officiate the ceremony. I had so many responsibilities I didn't have time to grieve. I remember my hubby saying he admired my determination, but when everything settled down I would cry at the most unexpected times. I set up a little "shrine" to him with some of his keepsakes and took time to grieve every day.

Yes, I got beyond it, although I frequently wish he was here to see what I've accomplished in my life. I do take solace in the fact that the wisdom he shared with me has helped me to live a happy life these days.
 

VeggieMan said:
Remember the most difficult time of your life, marked by loss,illness,heartbreak,or uncertainty.
Didn't you just wish for it to end soon?
Now take a moment to appreciative how far you have come and feel grateful for this peaceful time.
Click to expand...
I always seemed to spend time suffering from something major , only to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.. and just as I do...something else comes along and hits me with the big stick!...and I'm back on that train again...😞
 
VeggieMan said:
Remember the most difficult time of your life, marked by loss,illness,heartbreak,or uncertainty.
Didn't you just wish for it to end soon?
Now take a moment to appreciative how far you have come and feel grateful for this peaceful time.
Click to expand...
That's a good way to look at things. If we can't change things, we either have to eventually come around and except it or be miserable. I'd rather not be miserable. Also it helps thinking of the good times you had rather dwelling on whatever made you sad.
 
hollydolly said:
I always seemed to spend time suffering from something major , only to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.. and just as I do...something else comes along and hits me with the big stick!...and I'm back on that train again...😞
Click to expand...
I don't know you or your background, but I can tell by all of your responses on this site that you are a good person and a helpful person. I hope things are looking up for you because you deserve happiness.
 
Yes.... Pretty much nothing saddens me anymore. Two wives and a fiance dying, parents and two siblings passed on as well as friends. Held at gunpoint by a deranged killer holding a gun to my head for hours. Losing everything during during the 2008 financial crisis and becoming homeless and Surviving two work place explosions. By the time prostate and stage 4 throat cancer came along recently,..........I'm pretty much laid back and OH Well......lol.
 
TeePee said:
That's a good way to look at things. If we can't change things, we either have to eventually come around and except it or be miserable. I'd rather not be miserable. Also it helps thinking of the good times you had rather dwelling on whatever made you sits
Click to expand...

TeePee said:
That's a good way to look at things. If we can't change things, we either have to eventually come around and except it or be miserable. I'd rather not be miserable. Also it helps thinking of the good times you had rather dwelling on whatever made you sad.
Click to expand...
It's a choice people make.As you said, but why choose to be miserable about conditions you cannot change. I've come to the conclusion that people are the sum total of all the choices they make in life. Why not make choices that will make your life better?
 
Born_To_Lose said:
When my wife died unexpectedly, I was one miserable man for a few years. I needed to vent and yell to rid myself of the frustrations I was holding within. I had no one else to listen to me. After two and a half years of feeling lonesome, I decided to join a support group. On the the third meeting, I took up the whole 2 hours, but those around me understood. The next meeting, we discussed the things we all had in common. After only a few months, I was beginning to get my life back.

Did or do you love someone so much that you would be willing to take a bullet for that person? One weekend, my wife and I stayed in Washington as a weekend getaway. We had just left the restaurant and was waiting on the valet to bring our car around when a man came running up to us with a gun in his hand. He wanted my Rolex watch and my wallet. He also wanted my wife’s as well. She refused to give it up. He was very impatient and I could tell he was going to shoot her, so I walked in front of her just as he fired the gun.

The bullet entered my chest, only a 1/8 inch from my Aorta. I was bleeding pretty good, but the EMT’s got to me in less than 15 minutes. After they had compression on my chest, I was rushed to the hospital. I was going to be OK. I still have the dented mark from the bullet’s entry. The slug was removed during surgery. It was a .380 I don’t know if the bullet would have killed my wife, but that never occurred to me. I was sure he was going to shoot her.

BTW, my wife was 4 months pregnant with our only child. The shooter was given a 30 year sentence with no parole eligibility for 20 years.
Click to expand...
That's an incredible experience you shared. A lot of painful memories but what comes through is a man that would fo anything for the woman he loves. Joining a support group was such a good idea. You're a terrific person with a big heart. Every man on this site or that is familiar with your painful experience should come away knowing this a true man. A man's man.
 
VeggieMan said:
That's an incredible experience you shared. A lot of painful memories but what comes through is a man that would fo anything for the woman he loves. Joining a support group was such a good idea. You're a terrific person with a big heart. Every man on this site or that is familiar with your painful experience should come away knowing this a true man. A man's man.
Click to expand...
I don't get impressed by men who hit home runs or throw a lot of touchdowns. That's just being good at a sport. I get impressed by people like you who go to extraordinary lengths for the woman he loved. You have a heart of gold and thank you for sharing a very painful time in your life with us...We are all better people now by reading about your very sad experience and a man who was courageous in his response.
 
seadoug said:
I think the most difficult time in my life was when I lost my father 25 years ago. I was in my early 40's. I had been very reliant on him, but my mother was going through clinical depression and as an only child I became responsible for all the arrangements. I picked out the casket, arranged for his body to be flown from FL to NC (where all our relatives were) and worked with a preacher to officiate the ceremony. I had so many responsibilities I didn't have time to grieve. I remember my hubby saying he admired my determination, but when everything settled down I would cry at the most unexpected times. I set up a little "shrine" to him with some of his keepsakes and took time to grieve every day.

Yes, I got beyond it, although I frequently wish he was here to see what I've accomplished in my life. I do take solace in the fact that the wisdom he shared with me has helped me to live a happy life these days.
Click to expand...
You are quite a woman with so much to be proud of. At the most challenging and sad time in your life, and your mother's, too, you were strong and the person your family counted on the most. Stay strong and be happy now and look back at a time that you showed incredible courage and helped the family around you deal with unbearable pain.❤️
 
hollydolly said:
I always seemed to spend time suffering from something major , only to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.. and just as I do...something else comes along and hits me with the big stick!...and I'm back on that train again...😞
Click to expand...
But as you said, you always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't be depressed. You're a strong woman who always comes back ready for the next challenge life throws at them.
We have no control about many things in our life but we have total control over how we react to them.🤗❤️
 
TeePee said:
I don't know you or your background, but I can tell by all of your responses on this site that you are a good person and a helpful person. I hope things are looking up for you because you deserve happiness.
Click to expand...
A beautiful and caring thought from someone who has great compassion even for folks she doesn't know that well. This is what empathy looks and sounds like.❤️
 
My
VeggieMan said:
You are quite a woman with so much to be proud of. At the most challenging and sad time in your life, and your mother's, too, you were strong and the person your family counted on the most. Stay strong and be happy now and look back at a time that you showed incredible courage and helped the family around you deal with unbearable pain.❤️
Click to expand...
My apologies for thinking you were a woman. Sorry about that but my response is still the same to you as I posted. As you can see, even with the best of intentions, I ness up!
 
VeggieMan said:
That's an incredible experience you shared. A lot of painful memories but what comes through is a man that would fo anything for the woman he loves. Joining a support group was such a good idea. You're a terrific person with a big heart. Every man on this site or that is familiar with your painful experience should come away knowing this a true man. A man's man.
Click to expand...
Honestly, I would have snatched off both of our Rolex watches and handed them over. More practical and safer. I'm not dying over a watch.
 
For at least a year after my son died it was simply impossible to “choose” to be happy in spite of that loss. It was visceral, profound, gut-wrenching, and I had zero control over my emotions, no choice at all in when I would be overcome by grief, days when I couldn’t get out of bed, was just unable to function.

Those who know me here know that I barely posted in that first year, other than to share my emotions about Devin. I was barely existing, just trying to get through each day.

More recently, I started to be able to have some control over my emotions. I still lose it fairly regularly, but am more able more often to force myself to engage with life. .

Sometimes it takes a sheer force of will to push myself beyond the depths of my grief, to span that chasm. There is always a sadness in me that was never there before, a melancholy that never goes away. And it never will. I will forever feel incomplete because a part of me is missing.

Used to be I was just generally happy, period. Now I actively compel myself to search for things that I can be happy about, and succeed more often than not
 
Ronni said:
For at least a year after my son died it was simply impossible to “choose” to be happy in spite of that loss. It was visceral, profound, gut-wrenching, and I had zero control over my emotions, no choice at all in when I would be overcome by grief, days when I couldn’t get out of bed, was just unable to function.

Those who know me here know that I barely posted in that first year, other than to share my emotions about Devin. I was barely existing, just trying to get through each day.

More recently, I started to be able to have some control over my emotions. I still lose it fairly regularly, but am more able more often to force myself to engage with life. .

Sometimes it takes a sheer force of will to push myself beyond the depths of my grief, to span that chasm. There is always a sadness in me that was never there before, a melancholy that never goes away. And it never will. I will forever feel incomplete because a part of me is missing.

Used to be I was just generally happy, period. Now I actively compel myself to search for things that I can be happy about, and succeed more often than not
Click to expand...
Ronni, I am so sorry about the loss of your son, Devin. As a father of one son, Brett, who is 35, I would be devastated if something happened to him. I can only imagine the incredible and non ending grief a mother and father would feel after losing a child. But imagining one's grief and actually living through it always are two different situations.
Life is unfair at times and some folks are dealt an incredibly bad hand. My heart feels your pain but even though I'm fairly new to this site, I will now think of you always and what you are living through. There are so many kind, genuine and warm hearted folks on this site with empathy that will continue supporting you and be there to listen.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss and hope the remainder of your life has some joy and happy moments.. I wish you the best., ❤️
Peter(VeggieMan)
 
TeePee said:
That's a good way to look at things. If we can't change things, we either have to eventually come around and except it or be miserable. I'd rather not be miserable. Also it helps thinking of the good times you had rather dwelling on whatever made you sad.
Click to expand...
Ronni said:
For at least a year after my son died it was simply impossible to “choose” to be happy in spite of that loss. It was visceral, profound, gut-wrenching, and I had zero control over my emotions, no choice at all in when I would be overcome by grief, days when I couldn’t get out of bed, was just unable to function.
Click to expand...
I relate to these 2 posts. Two years of being caregiver for my wife with ALS until her death, then 5 years of constant grief. I don't have the words for this. I've finally moved on since there was no other option, but I'm not the same person today that I once was, and that part will never change.
 
VeggieMan said:
Remember the most difficult time of your life, marked by loss,illness,heartbreak,or uncertainty.
Didn't you just wish for it to end soon?
Now take a moment to appreciative how far you have come and feel grateful for this peaceful time.
Click to expand...
I've always moved on quickly from difficult times. People who don't know me intimately think I'm cold-hearted, including some of my relatives. And sometimes I wonder if they're right, like maybe I'm not as emotional as people are supposed to be, but death, heartbreak, illness, uncertainty - to me, those things are all just part of life. They are inevitable. And any one of those events can change the direction of your life, but I guess I see that as inevitable, too. Just another thing you need to accept, make adjustments, and move on.
 
Murrmurr said:
I've always moved on quickly from difficult times. People who don't know me intimately think I'm cold-hearted, including some of my relatives. And sometimes I wonder if they're right, like maybe I'm not as emotional as people are supposed to be, but death, heartbreak, illness, uncertainty - to me, those things are all just part of life. They are inevitable. And any one of those events can change the direction of your life, but I guess I see that as inevitable, too. Just another thing you need to accept, make adjustments, and move on.
Click to expand...
You are something special. You're not a cold-hearted person just the rare example of a person who realizes that they are in the charge of their own emotions. People can control their emotions by working on the thoughts that came before the emotions appeared.
I'm inspired by your take charge of your life attitude❤️
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top