Just senior humor

In a couple of months time we will have been married for fifty-five years. Here's how we did it.

How do you know if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm.
She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.

I can remember when I got married and I can remember where I got married.
For the life of me, I can’t remember why I got married.

My wife told me I was rude for yawning when we were arguing.
I told her that I wasn’t yawning, I thought it was my turn to speak.

What’s the difference between a relationship and a video game?
They both start off fun and easy, then get a litter harder.
If you make it to the end without breaking, everyone is shocked.

“I love you,” she said.
“Is that you talking,” I asked, “Or the wine?”
“It’s me talking to the wine.”

Why do wives use twice as many words as their husbands?
Because they always have to repeat themselves.

If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single.
Once you’re married, you can’t even change the television channel.

I saw my wife putting on her sexy underwear this morning. This can only mean one thing.
It’s laundry day.

My wife and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other.
So far, we’ve been up for three days.

When my wife and I argue, I always get the last word.
They’re usually, “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

Sometimes, when I am feeling really brave, I play the world’s most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.

I asked my wife which she liked better, my face or my body?
She said, “Your sense of humour.”

Arguing with my wife is like trying to read the “Terms of Use” on the internet.
Eventually, you just give up and say, “I Agree.”
 
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
 
7NzuOc_QLLekTxbhltHVkGVg3Guq9Ys_stpvkHVaHrgDP0wdBqEWeTFRYA6SB10fnJ_CTiwtkkf7ES3jzeXD9GcGFZ3oh5aTWbInMMOKHg=s0-d-e1-ft
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top