Just senior humor

Uh, an I would like a tall 18 year old Hottie Chick with long blond hair. tight sweet legs that wrap me like a Chinese handcuff and a heavenly seat that is amazing. haha
 

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day, so they could travel together.
After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any
medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?” “In fact, I do”, said the man. “After I have sex with my wife
for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually
cold and chilly.” “This is very interesting”, replied the doctor. “Let me do some research and get back to you.”

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical
concerns that you would like to discuss with me?” The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said, “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after
having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”
“Oh that old buzzard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time
is usually in December!!!”
 
"Mrs. Hill, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Hill arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Hill asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Hill. "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive
tests one time." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.




( "OK I'm a Hill out of here!" ) twss
 
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy,
clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously
demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you,
I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite
bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team
player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're
retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They said, "Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?"
 
The Old woman returns home after shopping.
She is startled by an intruder.
She catches the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables,
So, she yells, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" ..... [Turn from your sin] ...

The burglar stops dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police
and explained what she had done.

As the LEO cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,
"Why did you just stand there? All the old Woman did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"
 
You Just Might be an Old-timer, Over the Hill;

If you wake up from a nap and don't ache pretty much everywhere,
Well, you are probably dead.

You go back for your 2nd and final interview for the dream job &
they tell you all your references are dead.
 
Last edited:
The Great Actor has dementia, he can no longer remember his lines.
Finally after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line.
You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose,
you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose,
sniff the rose deeply and then say the line...

'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line, over and over again.
Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and
with great passion, he delivered the line;

"Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress".

The theatre erupted, the audience screamed with laughter... and
the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor, quite bewildered, asked, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
"No!" the director screamed.... "You forgot the Dam Rose!"
 
Last edited:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY. I REMEMBERED A TALL. HANDSOME. DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30 ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANYSUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL
'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED
HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?
'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY
THEN THE UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED,FAT ARSED, GREY HAIRED, DECREPIT, B*STARD ASKED,

'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?'


,
 
Last edited:
I'd be in a better mood if
I didn't have Bush Eyebrows,
had hair and good teeth!
But its the Hair in the Ears
that really Bummers me !
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top