Just senior humor

Two days before Christmas, an old man in Miami calls up his son, John, in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister.
She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, John and I are flying there to talk about this. Until then,don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.
The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."
 

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. What’s the secret to having a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.

2. What is a prize old people can win for aging?
Atrophy.

3. I used to know a couple who grew fruit trees together. They lived to a ripe old age.

4. What’s the best part of old age?
That it doesn’t last very long.

5. These are not gray hairs! They are wisdom highlights.

6. Which underwear brand do seniors love best?
It Depends.

7. Old age makes us great multitaskers. Why, I can sneeze and pee at the same time!

8. One benefit of old age is that your secrets are always safe with your friends … because they can’t remember them!

9. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind getting older, then it really doesn’t matter.
 
“They say with age comes wisdom. So, when does the wisdom kick in?”

“I asked my grandpa how he dealt with stress when he was younger. He chuckled and said, ‘I don’t remember, but I’m pretty sure it involved a lot of whiskey.'”

“You know you’re getting old when your back goes out more than you do.”

“I don’t have a bucket list; I have a ‘f*** it’ list. It’s much more achievable.”

“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
 
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