Know it all friend

P

Patnono

Member
Location
Whittier,Ca
I have a long time friend who acts like she knows it ALL, she's hard to speak to because she always corrects people. And doesn't take responsibility when she's Wrong. Last year I took a stand with her about something I wasn't comfortable with. Well, she has barely spoken to me since. and who has always bought me and my kids Christmas presents not that she should, it's something she did. and didn't acknowledge my birthday. I acknowledged hers, she said "Thanks" just the one word. How do I handle someone like that? I really don't want to lose her friendship cause aside from that she's got a good heart. Thanks for reading
 

You are probably going to have to face her with your suspicion. “Did I do or say something that upset you” should get the discussion going.
 
It seems like your friend has already made that decision for you Patnono, unless you are prepared to instigate a discussion, sometimes we just have to let people go....
 

Patnono said:
I have a long time friend who acts like she knows it ALL, she's hard to speak to because she always corrects people. And doesn't take responsibility when she's Wrong. Last year I took a stand with her about something I wasn't comfortable with. Well, she has barely spoken to me since.
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Sometimes things just work themselves out
 
The thing is - you say she is a 'long time friend' - so even if you managed to have a discussion with her,
do you really think that she will change if you stayed friends and are you willing to 'put up' with her ways if
she doesn't ?

As for her having a 'good heart' - that hasn't stopped her from not talking to you when something didn't go her way.
 
She sounds like a family member of mine who was always either correcting everything I said, arguing with me about something or trying to control me. This family member always thought they were right about everything! When I kept on taking it, I would speak up about it sometimes but this person never apologized and thought they did nothing wrong. They would go right back to doing just like they were before I spoke to them about it. I finally had enough! I took it for many years until I couldn't take it again. That's when I stopped having anything to do with this person and I haven't missed them one time. The decision is yours. You have to decide which is worse, with your friend and putting up with her behavior, or without and not having to listen to it again.
 
Patnono said:
I have a long time friend who acts like she knows it ALL, she's hard to speak to because she always corrects people. And doesn't take responsibility when she's Wrong.

Last year I took a stand with her about something I wasn't comfortable with. Well, she has barely spoken to me since. and who has always bought me and my kids Christmas presents not that she should, it's something she did. and didn't acknowledge my birthday. I acknowledged hers, she said "Thanks" just the one word.

How do I handle someone like that? I really don't want to lose her friendship cause aside from that she's got a good heart. Thanks for reading
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Since she's your long time friend, it seems that you've accepted her little annoyances, and when you say she's Wrong, is that just your opinion...or is she really incorrect on her opinion or stance?

It was very nice of her to give you and your kids presents in the past, she doesn't have to do that. If she didn't acknowledge your birthday, maybe she is upset about the stand you took with her last year. Acknowledging hers was your choice, and you shouldn't dismiss the word 'thanks' when she showed her appreciation, nothing wrong with 'just one word'.

I don't see it as being much to handle, she does seem to have a good heart and maybe you two just disagree at times and you both have strong personalities and opinions. I would just accept her friendship for all the good she's done in the past, and don't hold onto anything that is petty and unimportant. Sometimes it's good to realize that friends can be precious, and everyone is different, accept the differences unless they are mean, vindictive and hurtful.
 
SeaBreeze said:
Since she's your long time friend, it seems that you've accepted her little annoyances, and when you say she's Wrong, is that just your opinion...or is she really incorrect on her opinion or stance?

It was very nice of her to give you and your kids presents in the past, she doesn't have to do that. If she didn't acknowledge your birthday, maybe she is upset about the stand you took with her last year. Acknowledging hers was your choice, and you shouldn't dismiss the word 'thanks' when she showed her appreciation, nothing wrong with 'just one word'.

I don't see it as being much to handle, she does seem to have a good heart and maybe you two just disagree at times and you both have strong personalities and opinions. I would just accept her friendship for all the good she's done in the past, and don't hold onto anything that is petty and unimportant. Sometimes it's good to realize that friends can be precious, and everyone is different, accept the differences unless they are mean, vindictive and hurtful.
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I agree.

"You can't make old friends. You either have them or you don't." - Kenny Rogers
 
Thanks for writing, you could be right? Feels awkward though, for many years Ive felt intimidated by her, no matter what I said, I was wrong, even tried to say what I think she would want me to say just to not muddy the waters. I begun silently resenting her because that's not me.
 
Thanks for writing, when I've confronted about her being wrong, it's because she is, she wants to control things I've not asked her about. Her siblings aren't even talking to her because of the same thing with me. It just different this time? Most of the time I use to ignore her, but lately she's been more assertive in my life. About the gifts I never expect her to give gifts, it's that we have always exchanged gifts, suddenly she doesn't want to. I don't think I can no longer accept how she is because it's stressful for to constantly be defending my opinion, it's become exhausting, I have diabetes to deal with, so I have to control my stress. So for now I'm just keeping my distance from her and take it from there?
 
Patnono said:
Thanks for writing, when I've confronted about her being wrong, it's because she is, she wants to control things I've not asked her about. Her siblings aren't even talking to her because of the same thing with me. It just different this time? Most of the time I use to ignore her, but lately she's been more assertive in my life. About the gifts I never expect her to give gifts, it's that we have always exchanged gifts, suddenly she doesn't want to. I don't think I can no longer accept how she is because it's stressful for to constantly be defending my opinion, it's become exhausting, I have diabetes to deal with, so I have to control my stress. So for now I'm just keeping my distance from her and take it from there?
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Good for you!! Remember, people come in and out of our lives for a reason, stay awhile and move out of our lives. Do what is best for you.
 
Unless that was my ONLY friend, I wouldn't have to give it much thought. A new friend or old, if their conversation (or lack of same) was uncomfortable, life would go on without them.
 
AprilSun said:
She sounds like a family member of mine who was always either correcting everything I said, arguing with me about something or trying to control me. This family member always thought they were right about everything! When I kept on taking it, I would speak up about it sometimes but this person never apologized and thought they did nothing wrong. They would go right back to doing just like they were before I spoke to them about it. I finally had enough! I took it for many years until I couldn't take it again. That's when I stopped having anything to do with this person and I haven't missed them one time. The decision is yours. You have to decide which is worse, with your friend and putting up with her behavior, or without and not having to listen to it again.
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Yes I agree, We have some close relatives that were the same way with us. Then the aunt got drunk one night and ripped into my daughter. That was many years ago, the aunt has never apologized, and we have had nothing to do with them since that happened. To be honest, the air is sweeter, the beer is colder. and holidays are soooo much better now. Sad I know..
 
I used to have a friend like that. Also have a sister like that. I dropped the
friend, long ago. It's too stressful trying to second-guess and tippy-toe around people who think they can do no wrong. I have contact with my
sister, only when absolutely necessary.
 
My mother was like your friend except much worse, all her life.
I had to live with that. She was always topping everything
her family said.
My guess is that she really isn't that smart at all. She might have
an inferiority issue going and feels the need to show off, and she
has convinced herself that she really does know. How much
education does she have? Her occupation? The very intelligent
people I have known with advanced degrees are not like that. They
don't act like they know everything. Not even in their field, usually.

This is a power issue over you and everyone else affected. She needs the
power to put down others with her supposed superior knowledge.

You don't say what subjects you talk about. You will not change her
by rebutting her answers. Is it possible that she is more informed than you?
Try agreeing with her--up to a point, and then show why you disagree over minor
points (which may be major ones) Try talking about things she knows absolutely
nothing about. Try asking her for reasons or hard evidence for her opinions
and question that. This must be done very very nice and politely, not to shame her.
or embarrass her. Opinions are only opinions. Don't assume it is a personal attack.

If that fails, do little chit chat over nothing with her. Superficial talk.
 
Good luck. My friend of over 50 years stopped talking to me partly politics but mostly her boyfriend.
People change. I'll still always love and think of her though.
 
I always interupt someone like her by explaining it is my opinion and she has no business correcting opinions. If she wants to challenge a fact that is different but she better have her ducks in a row if she chooses to do so.
 

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