Perhaps this will help, Oldman.
I once heard a priest give a homily to a group of 15 year old girls and I don't know if they absorbed it, but it hit me hard between the eyes.
He said that when we are born we have our fists tightly closed but when we die, we die with our hands open. He then said that life is a continuous process of learning to open our fists and of letting go of the things that are unimportant. In the end, all we have left to hold onto is God.
I thought this to be a powerful metaphor and I thought about all the things we must let go because we have no choice - youth and beauty, parents and other loved ones who pass away and dreams that will never be realised. I also thought about the things we hang onto out of our stubbornness. In my case I had a tendency to hold grudges as if they were nuggets of gold. The only way we can let go of hurts, slights and wrongs that we experience is to mentally lay them aside. Visualise this, or if it works better for you, perform an act of contrition. This is what forgiveness is, the lightening of the backpack we carry on life's journey. We feel so much better when we do. We still remember but memories are nowhere near as heavy as grudges.
I have forgiven my grandmother. Posthumously. I am at peace.