Leaving money to family. How to divide it so no one is left out?
- Thread starter Jondalar7
- Start date
fuzzybuddy
SF VIP
- Location
- The Sticks, Northeast PA.
Inheritances- talk about a mine field. You leave your most precious and dear object, your dad's antique time piece, and the heir is peeved because he only got a lousy watch. People get really weird over inheritances. And let's face it, most of us don't have vast fortunes to put all our descendants on Easy Street. Who really wants just a "token". Maybe, it makes more sense to spare feelings, and donate to where it makes the best sense.
Even donating to a charity instead of leaving money to family members could cause hurt feelings.
perChance
Member
My father gave money to all his grandchildren and great grandchildren before he died. He also gave my brother and me some. He transfered ownership of his house to my sister and his will stated that everything in the house was left to her. She lived with my parents and cared for both of them for years, so no one thought that was unfair. She is a retired nurse and they were well cared for.
I was also thankful that he did that, because I am his executrix, and I would not want the task of selling the house to settle the estate. My sister is a very kind hearted person, but she is a hoarder, and it would have been a nightmare to get the house cleaned out.
She still has clothes from public school in one closet. One bedroom is so full of stuff you can barely open the door. After she filled that room, she moved to a bedroom in the basement - it is full now too. There are old newspapers and empty cereal boxes and piles of everything. My parents just kept putting off dealing with the problem.
My mother died over 4 years ago, all her clothes and toiletries are still there. My sister got upset when dad wanted to take the clothes to the Salvation Army - he was 92 and didn't have the energy to deal with her. Dad died last February, he was 96, and all his clothes are still there. His razor and shaving cream, toothbrush etc. are still in the bathroom.
She has a bowl of dead bumble bees on the kitchen counter- it has been there for a couple of years. Each time I visit, I check to see if the bees are still there - I keep hoping she will get better and the bees will be gone.
I was also thankful that he did that, because I am his executrix, and I would not want the task of selling the house to settle the estate. My sister is a very kind hearted person, but she is a hoarder, and it would have been a nightmare to get the house cleaned out.
She still has clothes from public school in one closet. One bedroom is so full of stuff you can barely open the door. After she filled that room, she moved to a bedroom in the basement - it is full now too. There are old newspapers and empty cereal boxes and piles of everything. My parents just kept putting off dealing with the problem.
My mother died over 4 years ago, all her clothes and toiletries are still there. My sister got upset when dad wanted to take the clothes to the Salvation Army - he was 92 and didn't have the energy to deal with her. Dad died last February, he was 96, and all his clothes are still there. His razor and shaving cream, toothbrush etc. are still in the bathroom.
She has a bowl of dead bumble bees on the kitchen counter- it has been there for a couple of years. Each time I visit, I check to see if the bees are still there - I keep hoping she will get better and the bees will be gone.
BlueOcean
New Member
- Location
- Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
We have two grown married children who do not plan to have children…period. As they are both in their late thirties I do not expect this mindset to change. We are doing a number of things.
DD#1 and her DH are well off with pensions and investment knowledge. DD#2 and her DH work just above minimum wage jobs with no pensions.
1) I gave them a substantial gift from what my mother left me…just to see how they handled it. DD#1 and her DH invested it in their RRSP to get a greater tax return the next year. DD#2 and her DH paid off all outstanding debt. However, son-in-law #2 showed up in about a month with a significant part of his visible body covered with body art. I didn’t ask. What they do with it once I give it is their business .
2) I tried giving away family jewelry. It became a problem. DD#1 wanted it, but wanted to keep it secret from DD#2. DD#2 couldn’t care less. She wanted one piece, my pearls. I gave them to her. So I’m looking at nieces to take jewelry. Some are greedier than others. At first I limited it to three pieces, but one special needs niece was “feeling pressured to only pick three”! Sigh. I caved, but only because I knew I had held back the more valuable pieces for other nieces who might actually wear them. This special needs niece is from a very wealthy family. I decided I will take photos of key pieces to send to the other nieces and then sell the rest.
3) Scrapbooks have been an issue here. We have two kids and eight scrapbooks about their years at home with us. I just gave them to them this month to fight over. So far they are surprisingly amicable about it.
4) our wills are written in such a way that everything is sold and split evenly. If one of them decides they don’t want the money (this has, sadly, come up in heated debate) we have designated it to go to the other child. If they don’t want it, the local hospital and library split the proceeds.
A lot depends on family circumstances. Mom and Dad had six kids. I’m the least well off and was Mom’s caregiver for years…from nine hours away. It was a challenge to get to her when she needed help. We had her to our place for frequent visits. She left me everything. I told my siblings to come get anything they wanted from her apartment, starting from oldest to youngest. The next day I opened up to her brother and my cousins.
I didn’t even think to divide up the inheritance my siblings were millionaires. One sister, the richest one, took objection to me not doing so. Though if she had mentioned it directly to me at the time I would have. It just honestly didn’t occur to me until I heard it through the family grapevine years later!
When Dad was preparing his will after Mom had passed, he asked me how we were going to make out financially. I told him he better not give me preferential treatment. I told him it would cause a family rift if he did. So he left most everything to his second wife.
So that’s my will and splitting up stuff story. Way too long. I hope you get something positive out of it.
DD#1 and her DH are well off with pensions and investment knowledge. DD#2 and her DH work just above minimum wage jobs with no pensions.
1) I gave them a substantial gift from what my mother left me…just to see how they handled it. DD#1 and her DH invested it in their RRSP to get a greater tax return the next year. DD#2 and her DH paid off all outstanding debt. However, son-in-law #2 showed up in about a month with a significant part of his visible body covered with body art. I didn’t ask. What they do with it once I give it is their business .
2) I tried giving away family jewelry. It became a problem. DD#1 wanted it, but wanted to keep it secret from DD#2. DD#2 couldn’t care less. She wanted one piece, my pearls. I gave them to her. So I’m looking at nieces to take jewelry. Some are greedier than others. At first I limited it to three pieces, but one special needs niece was “feeling pressured to only pick three”! Sigh. I caved, but only because I knew I had held back the more valuable pieces for other nieces who might actually wear them. This special needs niece is from a very wealthy family. I decided I will take photos of key pieces to send to the other nieces and then sell the rest.
3) Scrapbooks have been an issue here. We have two kids and eight scrapbooks about their years at home with us. I just gave them to them this month to fight over. So far they are surprisingly amicable about it.
4) our wills are written in such a way that everything is sold and split evenly. If one of them decides they don’t want the money (this has, sadly, come up in heated debate) we have designated it to go to the other child. If they don’t want it, the local hospital and library split the proceeds.
A lot depends on family circumstances. Mom and Dad had six kids. I’m the least well off and was Mom’s caregiver for years…from nine hours away. It was a challenge to get to her when she needed help. We had her to our place for frequent visits. She left me everything. I told my siblings to come get anything they wanted from her apartment, starting from oldest to youngest. The next day I opened up to her brother and my cousins.
I didn’t even think to divide up the inheritance my siblings were millionaires. One sister, the richest one, took objection to me not doing so. Though if she had mentioned it directly to me at the time I would have. It just honestly didn’t occur to me until I heard it through the family grapevine years later!
When Dad was preparing his will after Mom had passed, he asked me how we were going to make out financially. I told him he better not give me preferential treatment. I told him it would cause a family rift if he did. So he left most everything to his second wife.
So that’s my will and splitting up stuff story. Way too long. I hope you get something positive out of it.
Farrah Nuff
Senior Member
- Location
- East of the sun, West of the moon
@Jondalar7
You could always leave it with me and I'll make sure that everyone gets their piece of the pie.
You can trust me, I am a member here on Senior Forums, after all.
Think about it!
You could always leave it with me and I'll make sure that everyone gets their piece of the pie.
You can trust me, I am a member here on Senior Forums, after all.
Think about it!
Disgustedman
Senior Member
I was all for "Enjoy your money for you earned it" but then read:
A good man leave’s an inheritance to his children’s children (Proverbs 13:22).
But since I have none, I'm off the hook. I'm not a Garth Brooks fan, but he was asked about finances, he replied "I've got enough, so my children's, children's, children won't have to work"
That's some good investing.
A good man leave’s an inheritance to his children’s children (Proverbs 13:22).
But since I have none, I'm off the hook. I'm not a Garth Brooks fan, but he was asked about finances, he replied "I've got enough, so my children's, children's, children won't have to work"
That's some good investing.
Trish
VIP OAP
Nemo2
Senior Member
- Location
- Belleville, ON
I had to check the proverb......no apostrophe in leaves. Phew, had me worried.
My parents died within 3 months of each other with the result that everything was divided equally among their children -11 of us. Happily, all was smooth & amicable. BUT - I really didn't like that my parents deaths, so unexpected and shocking, had to evolve into family "business" meetings where choice of assets, estate filing issues, etc really did have to be discussed. It seemed too mercenary or something in a time of grief. Having no kids myself, the choice- if leaving to family - is to leave to all 10 sibs equally - but I really can't stand the idea of turning into a business meeting, haha. And, as someone noted - leaving everything to charity or a cause etc could be interpreted as a snub too.
Jules
SF VIP
If leaving funds to a charity, be careful. There was a case a few years ago where a woman was leaving all her estate to her daughter, except for the minimal dollars she had in the bank. A few years later she sold the house and put the cash in the bank and didn’t change the wording. The charity got all the cash and wouldn’t even consider that the donation had been done by mistake. They were a big charity and I never gave them another cent.
Bottom line, be sure everything is absolutely clear.
Bottom line, be sure everything is absolutely clear.
Knight
Well-known Member
pretty much says what I posted.
"Suggest drawing up a will specifying what you want your heirs to receive. Boiler plate or typical will language might not distribute assets the way YOUR MOTHER/YOU WANT.
Leaving anything is what YOUR MOTHER/YOU accumulated. Any inheritance by heirs is a gift. They might fight over any distribution but that is why specific language in a will is important. You can specify that any challenge to your desires be paid $1.00."
Sassycakes
SF VIP
- Location
- Pennsylvania
This is an easy one for me. I have a son and daughter and even though my son doesn't speak to us anymore I would give money to my son and daughter and my 3 grandchildren and of course my ex-daughter-in-law.