Living In A House An Ex Or Deceased Family Member Was In

ClassicRockr

ClassicRockr

Well-known Member
Have a SIL (wife's sister) who is still living in the condo that her deceased husband lived in with her. A few years before he passed, they had some serious marital problems, dealing with his health, and he moved out. She removed her wedding set, even though they never legally separated or divorced. I asked her last night, on the phone, how she feels about still living there. She told me it doesn't bother her at all, being that they were no longer close. After he passed, she went thru some things he had there, and that was emotional for her, but basically, as she says "he's gone and that's that".

Wife and I have discussed this and both agree, that if one of us goes, the other would definitely have to move as well as get a new bed. Just the way we feel.

So, would you stay in the house or move, due to a divorce or death of someone living in the home?​
 

My man and I have discussed this and he said if I go before him then he’d never be able to sell the house. He’d stay there forever. I feel the same way.

No one decision is better than the other.
It boils down to personal preference.
Thank goodness we aren’t all the same.
 
Some decisions are very hard to make in advance. One never knows if it will be comforting or saddening to sleep in the bed once shared with a now-deceased spouse.
 

I've never heard of that before, that someone would move from a house where a spouse or relative died. I suppose if it makes one sad and reminds one of a lost loved one, I guess it could effect some people that way. I just never heard of it before. When my mom passed, there was never one thought from my dad about moving or getting a new bed. There are superstitious people, though, who won't move into a house or apartment where someone has died. And I've had a potential tenant not wanting the apartment because it faced a cemetery. Of course, that's different from the spouse thing. I guess, too, it depends on how the relationship went and wanting to just forget the person and the whole thing (such as in a divorce). :)

P.S. And also where a spouse died in a hospital or somewhere else.
 
I would stay in the same house. Like jujube, I would remove items that were a constant reminder if it bothered me.

This is a little different circumstance but when my Mom came to live with us and passed away in her bedroom after a long illness, I couldn't bare to go into that room. After a few weeks I got rid of the bed and changed the room into a sitting/TV room. I rearranged everything. Of course I have kept many of her personal items that I treasure but now I don't mind going into the room to read or watch TV.
 
I would never move from this house simply because my husband died; I love all the memories it holds of raising our children here. On the other hand, this is a big house with 5 bedrooms so I'd probably choose to move to a townhouse or something smaller for just myself. It would be difficult for me to leave memories behind. (Plus our sweet little doggies who died and are buried in the back yard. :()
 
We have owned 9 homes in 4 states and rented a few along the way. I guess neither of us is that attached to any one place.
 
I am living in the house my husband died in 8 years ago. I'm still here because I can't afford to move.
ClassicRockr said:
Have a SIL (wife's sister) who is still living in the condo that her deceased husband lived in with her. A few years before he passed, they had some serious marital problems, dealing with his health, and he moved out. She removed her wedding set, even though they never legally separated or divorced. I asked her last night, on the phone, how she feels about still living there. She told me it doesn't bother her at all, being that they were no longer close. After he passed, she went thru some things he had there, and that was emotional for her, but basically, as she says "he's gone and that's that".

Wife and I have discussed this and both agree, that if one of us goes, the other would definitely have to move as well as get a new bed. Just the way we feel.

So, would you stay in the house or move, due to a divorce or death of someone living in the home?​
Click to expand...
 
My husband recently passed (in May). I got a new bedroom set. The rest is as is. The one best piece of advice my mom gave me years and years ago was to not make any major decisions until at least a year after your loved one passed. I’m sticking to that advice. House has been paid off for years and years, so I sell and have to pay the same for somewhere else?
Na. At least that’s how I feel right now.
 
If my husband died at home I don't think it would matter at all to me, I'm happy with our house and we've been living in it for decades. For me it's 'home' and I'd be incredibly sad if I lost him no matter where I was, probably would be more comforting to stay where we shared our life together. Both his parents were living with us for years due to serious health issues, and they both passed on here, I don't have a problem with that, their life was good with us and they passed peacefully.

I think almost any older house had someone die in it, the houses on either side of me had. One neighbor had a cardiac arrest episode and his daughter came home to find him dead on the floor. The other neighbor let a friend live with him who was in a bad way and lost his job, he couldn't find work and was depressed, he ended up committing suicide in the basement.
 
debbie in seattle said:
My husband recently passed (in May). I got a new bedroom set. The rest is as is. The one best piece of advice my mom gave me years and years ago was to not make any major decisions until at least a year after your loved one passed. I’m sticking to that advice. House has been paid off for years and years, so I sell and have to pay the same for somewhere else?
Na. At least that’s how I feel right now.
Click to expand...

Debbie, I admire you for all you've been through with your husband and how you're handling everything so well now. I only hope I would have such strength. That's good advice you got from your mother! I imagine right after losing a spouse life becomes a bit surreal, and you go through many different emotions. I don't think I'd get a whole new bedroom set, but I would definitely downsize from our king sized bed. The room is so tiny there's just enough room to walk around it, and the TV can only be so big because the screen is so close to the bed now. Like you, our house has also been paid off for a long time and that's a plus.
 
Some homes are sold and re-sold many times throughout the years. It would be difficult to tell if somebody died in ANY of them.

And REALLY, What difference does it make?
 
This SITE is supposed to tell you if anyone died in your house, not sure what the cost is to do it though.

Edit to add: Just checked, one search is $11.99
 
We would move when one of us passes.. Financial and physical reasons, maybe some emotional..

Our equity is our insurance that we will need. Physically neither one of us would be able to keep up the place.
 
I live in the house where I was born. When growing up, my folks and grand parents lived here. After my grand-parents passed, my wife and I shared the home with my folks. Today we have passed the house to our youngest daughter and her family and have shared the house with them for the past 25 years. We sleep in the same room where my grand mother and mother both passed away. My grand-dad passed in the hospital and my dad on the front lawn while mowing the grass.


This was not at all uncommon in years past. Many generations occupied a home, especially rural families. If my wife pre-deceased me, or vice/versa, both of us have agreed that we would feel even more lost if we had to also leave this familiar home that we have always loved, and also the loving family we share it with.
 
I never slept in our bed after Bill passed away,I bunked on the couch with the dog that wasnt happy about sharing his sleeping arrangement at all!
My reasons were not altogether emotional though,we lived in a very isolated place without neighbors and I wanted to be aware of someone pulling into the driveway.Silly of course.
 
SeaBreeze said:
This SITE is supposed to tell you if anyone died in your house, not sure what the cost is to do it though.

Edit to add: Just checked, one search is $11.99
Click to expand...

In California the seller is legally required to disclose if someone died on the property within the past three years. Murders or sensational deaths that would impact the value of the home must be disclosed for a longer period of time. Not sure about other states.
 
For me personally no way. I've never been married but with my step father in rehab, I hate going to his place. I hate the furniture. I feel like it absorbed all the screaming my mother did and there are too many things glued together that I'm sure my mother threw in some rage. I don't want an item, let alone any home they were in.
 
Well, if something was to happen to my wife (death), not only would I move, but I'd have to move to an area/state where we'd hadn't visited or lived before. I love memories, but sometimes memories can be haunting to very emotional. A movie I can think of is, We Bought A Zoo.

When a person goes to any store where their spouse, or other deceased family member was with them, it can become emotional in the "thought banks" of the mind. I'd never/ever want to forget my wife, as she wouldn't want to forget me either, but living in and/or going places we had gone together, would be just too hard on either of us.
 
So true,once had an absolute, embarrassing meltdown in the soda aisle of the grocery store when my eyes happened to land on the Polar Seltzer hubs used to drink like it was his job.
 

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