Loneliness & Boredom, how to escape

[RandomName]

Loneliness and boredom have been a part of my life since my wife's passing 3 years ago. The combination of the two has been soul crushing, but three years on, I'd have to say that boredom is the biggest problem.

My wife was my best friend for 35 years and I now find myself at a loss for how to successfully navigate this new phase of life. We were seldom bored. She had her hobbies, I had mine, and we had things we did together. I especially miss our long road trips by car sharing the things we saw and did.

Following a two wheeled addiction that began when I was 15 years old, my main hobby for years was motorcycle travel across the US. However, thanks to geezer issues like arthritis, I seldom ride anymore. I wish early in life I had taken up something like golf because of the social aspect of it. Instead, I got hooked on long distance motorcycle riding which is primarily a solitary sport. Years ago, I was really into fishing but I burned out on that. All this to say that I need to find new hobbies or activities that will get me involved in meeting people and getting me out of my shell, but I am at a loss for what that might be.

As to loneliness, because neither my wife or I had children (my first marriage, her second), it can be hard for attraction to develop when I meet most women because there's just not a lot in common. Folks naturally want to talk about their grand children etc. and that is perfectly understandable but I can only relate as an outside observer. I really envy folks who have grand kids and close family ties but that just wasn't in the cards for me.

I really feel like writing more but it's late. Just needed to vent.

Haven't read all the replies. Single guy here, was mourning deceased gf.

Joined a fitness club, paid for by SIlver Sneakerts 100%, and started pickleball. I was very shy, but I was very lonely too, so it was worth the discomfort. Met lots of people, some of whom are now 'pickleball friends' but no girl friend or real guy friend. There was one female I thought about asking out, but I met my current gf somewehere else (at church) so that was that.

Still play pickleball to get out of house, and for exercise, socializing.

Good luck. Loneliness is a real thing for some of us.

 

[DailyArtsyCrafter]

Before I experienced the Lost Summer of 2025, I painted as a hobby, took art classes, and played American Mah Jongg with two different groups of fellow seniors. I also volunteered as a poll worker during elections (we had a special election in May I missed). I am unable to do any of those things because I can't drive myself around yet. I feel trapped in my own house. With no one to talk to about things that matter (to me). I joined this forum and it has helped but it falls short of what I want. I am mostly frustrated and concerned about my health's sudden deterioration.

I'm sorry to hear that you're frustrated and concerned about your deteriorating health. You must feel fearful often, if not everyday.

Unfortunately, I understand. Suddenly seem to be falling apart. Hard not to cry.

I'm sorry that changes in your health are often bringing you near tears. It's a terrible feeling of hopelessness.

@DaneBramage496 @Pepper I too am managing health changes. Some would say they're not nearly as bad as what others are enduring. I agree but they're bad and scary to me. I can empathize with you.

I know that at 68, things can't be the same as 20 years ago, or even 10. I'm grateful every morning for everything that I'm able to do. I live in a place of gratefulness and thankfulness. I am always busy. I have creative interests and along with managing my life, I don't think about the bodily deterioration throughout the day. Of course, if I have a pain, ache or acute condition, that brings it up in my mind. But I do something about it, if I can, and that helps take it off my mind.

I also look up health concerns online. Some say don't do it because you'll think you have every problem in the book. Some say it's wrong and even dangerous to self-diagnose but it has helped me tremendously! While I may think, as I read, that I have something that I don't, the thought does not linger. I am too good at zeroing in on my symptoms for distracting fears to take me off track. I have been able to use OTCs and lifestyle changes to help conditions that crop up. I do understand that many, if not most, conditions have similar symptoms but I haven't been concerned about how I've been able to help my body.

Yes, there are things that I can't help in this way, I can't operate on myself, I can't prescribe medicines for myself, but I'm doing well with how I do it. I don't worry throughout the day about my bodily changes and I thank God for the Internet. I feel better through educating myself about definitions, symptoms and treatments. My fav search results are from Mayo Clinic, Cleveland Clinic and Healthline, among a few others.

I am not minimizing the suffering of others by sharing these little things that I do. I've had siblings who suffered more than I am. If I had chronic pain, was advised to consider serious surgeries or knew that I had a terminal illness, I would handle things differently to obtain relief.

The only time that fearful thoughts about health plague me is when I go to bed. I'm an avid reader so I read until I fall asleep. Reading keeps the harassing thoughts away. If I have insomnia and don't go to sleep immediately after I turn off the light, the harassing thoughts crowd in. I then take a sleep aid and start reading again.

I hope that you and others will find some inspiration in what I've shared. Knowledge is power and it has helped me to minimize the fear and frustration because of the symptoms of my aging body.