Loneliness & Boredom, how to escape

[RandomName]

Loneliness and boredom have been a part of my life since my wife's passing 3 years ago. The combination of the two has been soul crushing, but three years on, I'd have to say that boredom is the biggest problem.

My wife was my best friend for 35 years and I now find myself at a loss for how to successfully navigate this new phase of life. We were seldom bored. She had her hobbies, I had mine, and we had things we did together. I especially miss our long road trips by car sharing the things we saw and did.

Following a two wheeled addiction that began when I was 15 years old, my main hobby for years was motorcycle travel across the US. However, thanks to geezer issues like arthritis, I seldom ride anymore. I wish early in life I had taken up something like golf because of the social aspect of it. Instead, I got hooked on long distance motorcycle riding which is primarily a solitary sport. Years ago, I was really into fishing but I burned out on that. All this to say that I need to find new hobbies or activities that will get me involved in meeting people and getting me out of my shell, but I am at a loss for what that might be.

As to loneliness, because neither my wife or I had children (my first marriage, her second), it can be hard for attraction to develop when I meet most women because there's just not a lot in common. Folks naturally want to talk about their grand children etc. and that is perfectly understandable but I can only relate as an outside observer. I really envy folks who have grand kids and close family ties but that just wasn't in the cards for me.

I really feel like writing more but it's late. Just needed to vent.

Haven't read all the replies. Single guy here, was mourning deceased gf.

Joined a fitness club, paid for by SIlver Sneakerts 100%, and started pickleball. I was very shy, but I was very lonely too, so it was worth the discomfort. Met lots of people, some of whom are now 'pickleball friends' but no girl friend or real guy friend. There was one female I thought about asking out, but I met my current gf somewehere else (at church) so that was that.

Still play pickleball to get out of house, and for exercise, socializing.

Good luck. Loneliness is a real thing for some of us.

 

[DailyArtsyCrafter]

Before I experienced the Lost Summer of 2025, I painted as a hobby, took art classes, and played American Mah Jongg with two different groups of fellow seniors. I also volunteered as a poll worker during elections (we had a special election in May I missed). I am unable to do any of those things because I can't drive myself around yet. I feel trapped in my own house. With no one to talk to about things that matter (to me). I joined this forum and it has helped but it falls short of what I want. I am mostly frustrated and concerned about my health's sudden deterioration.

I'm sorry to hear that you're frustrated and concerned about your deteriorating health. You must feel fearful often, if not everyday.

Unfortunately, I understand. Suddenly seem to be falling apart. Hard not to cry.

I'm sorry that changes in your health are often bringing you near tears. It's a terrible feeling of hopelessness.

@DaneBramage496 @Pepper I too am managing health changes. Some would say they're not nearly as bad as what others are enduring. I agree but they're bad and scary to me. I can empathize with you.

I know that at 68, things can't be the same as 20 years ago, or even 10. I'm grateful every morning for everything that I'm able to do. I live in a place of gratefulness and thankfulness. I am always busy. I have creative interests and along with managing my life, I don't think about the bodily deterioration throughout the day. Of course, if I have a pain, ache or acute condition, that brings it up in my mind. But I do something about it, if I can, and that helps take it off my mind.

I also look up health concerns online. Some say don't do it because you'll think you have every problem in the book. Some say it's wrong and even dangerous to self-diagnose but it has helped me tremendously! While I may think, as I read, that I have something that I don't, the thought does not linger. I am too good at zeroing in on my symptoms for distracting fears to take me off track. I have been able to use OTCs and lifestyle changes to help conditions that crop up. I do understand that many, if not most, conditions have similar symptoms but I haven't been concerned about how I've been able to help my body.

Yes, there are things that I can't help in this way, I can't operate on myself, I can't prescribe medicines for myself, but I'm doing well with how I do it. I don't worry throughout the day about my bodily changes and I thank God for the Internet. I feel better through educating myself about definitions, symptoms and treatments. My fav search results are from Mayo Clinic, Cleveland Clinic and Healthline, among a few others.

I am not minimizing the suffering of others by sharing these little things that I do. I've had siblings who suffered more than I am. If I had chronic pain, was advised to consider serious surgeries or knew that I had a terminal illness, I would handle things differently to obtain relief.

The only time that fearful thoughts about health plague me is when I go to bed. I'm an avid reader so I read until I fall asleep. Reading keeps the harassing thoughts away. If I have insomnia and don't go to sleep immediately after I turn off the light, the harassing thoughts crowd in. I then take a sleep aid and start reading again.

I hope that you and others will find some inspiration in what I've shared. Knowledge is power and it has helped me to minimize the fear and frustration because of the symptoms of my aging body.

 

[Frio]

Wow! Can't believe the number of replies since I was last on. I thought the thread had run its course. Guess I've got some replying to do.

 

[Frio]

Do you enjoy reading? Is there a book club in your area? Maybe join a fitness club, just to get out, as well as keeping fit?

Yes, I do enjoy reading but only about an hour per night before I go to sleep. If I try reading during the day, I get sleepy.

 

[Imogene]

My husband passed last year. I am keeping this farmette.

That means I have 25 acres, two horses and their barn to maintain, not to mention yard work and a few downed limbs that need cut and hauled to the burn pile. I could use some help and I promise that whomever leaves at the end of the day, won’t be thinking about boredom as their heads hit their pillows——

For the women who are bored — I love and appreciate my home, but I am not fond of housework

 

[Frio]

Im not up on motorcycles but what about those three wheeled ones. Wouldnt those be okay for senior riders.
Theres probably clubs near you if you look on facebook and reddit.

Not really interested in a 3 wheeler but I do have the next best thing...a little Mazda Miata convertible that's getting harder & harder to climb in and out of .

 

[Frio]

Frio, I am so glad you found us! Welcome and I hope you enjoy your interactions with us immensely. Losing a loved one takes time and each of us deals with it in our way. Visiting here will help you reconnect with the world and happiness. We are a group of older and most interesting people.

Perhaps you could use your knowledge of motorcycles to help some new riders, or perhaps you could still attend motorcycle events even if you no longer ride.

What was your favorite motorcycle and why was it your favorite?

I've ridden mostly Japanese motorcycles, primarily because of their reliability. My favorite would be Honda.

 

[Frio]

Have you checked to see if there's a Xerocraft or other skill-sharing coop in your area? Teaching youngsters skills is very rewarding, and you get to meet people.

I have never heard of Xerocraft... had to look it up. We don't have anything like that here (DFW area) if google is right.

 

[Frio]

I found that just writing things down helped, even if you just tear it up afterwards. Spill your guts on paper. It's like self counseling. I wish you well with it.

I agree. I did a lot of that. Journaling seems to take the edge off.

At three years, the grief has subsided a great deal but its still there and will never go completely away. The best description of grief I ever heard was when someone mentioned, "the half life of grief". That says it all in just a few words.

 

[Frio]

I am in the same boat. Neither my husband nor I had children, (my first marriage, his second). I'm a recent widow from this past year. I've really not had a lot of hobbies. My hobby has always been work. I do feel lonely and bored at times. My husband and I were loners and did not socialize a lot. We traveled a lot. I don't think I'd enjoy traveling by myself. It's more fun when you have someone to share your memories with.

Our situations are very similar. It was my first marriage and her second. Other than motorcycles and fishing, I didn't have a lot of hobbies either. I spent most of my working life also married to a job I loved. I guess you could say I was a bit of a workaholic. It was very interesting and could be a rush at times but it was pretty stressful which is why I retired a couple of years early.

I was the loner in our marriage. She on the other hand was very bubbly and outgoing with lots of friends and involved in all sorts of charities. She was even a docent at a large museum. I had acquaintances but didn't have any real friends outside of my circle of ridding buddies. The old adage of "opposites attract" was very true in our case.

We also loved travelling. Both of us had been in the military in Europe which gave us the opportunity to travel all over Scandinavia and Europe. We did a lot of road trips across the US, many of which were history themed (we were both history buffs).

I agree with you as to solo travelling but I've tried to keep up road tripping every year of two to places we had planned on visiting but never did. I have to admit though that the combination of long hours on the road and no one to share it with, is making travel less appealing. Then there's the age factor. I definitely get more tired behind the wheel than I used to.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm constantly trying to think of places I can volunteer at. Hopefully it will make a difference in someone or somethings life and in doing that, maybe I won't be quite so lonely or feel so misplaced.

This is something I'm considering.

 

[officerripley]

For the women who are bored — I love and appreciate my home, but I am not fond of housework

I'm not fond of either housework or outdoorsy work, ugh to both; if it were just me, I'd be out of this big old country place as fast as I could and get some cute little apartment where I could walk to shopping, the library, events; now we'd be talking, phooey on puttering around the house or the yard, ugh (so tired of the outdoors).

 

[jujube]

I'm not fond of either housework or outdoorsy work, ugh to both; if it were just me, I'd be out of this big old country place as fast as I could and get some cute little apartment where I could walk to shopping, the library, events; now we'd be talking, phooey on puttering around the house or the yard, ugh (so tired of the outdoors).

Same here! I'd love to live somewhere walkable to everything.

 

[Imogene]

I'm not fond of either housework or outdoorsy work, ugh to both; if it were just me, I'd be out of this big old country place as fast as I could and get some cute little apartment where I could walk to shopping, the library, events; now we'd be talking, phooey on puttering around the house or the yard, ugh (so tired of the outdoors).

Same here! I'd love to live somewhere walkable to everything.

Believe me, I get it

That sounds appealing to a part of me, but I never could “drive 55”, and I LOVE this land, so staying in the country and sucking up all the discomforts works for me.

I still have a half bottle of Indomethicin (sp?) from two years ago, that I only take under extreme duress. I took one today. I forgot how fast & how good this stuff works on every arthritic aches and pain I have. The doctor gave it to me for my one and only gout attack a couple years back and I have learned that it works on all my arthritic pains.

I still have seven or eight pills left, but I’ve known this doctor for over 20 years and he knows my case history with my arthritis so if I need a refill, all I have to do is go in the office, let him check my blood pressure & heart rate, and he’ll give me a refill. I am one of his few 78-year-olds that still does Farm Work and has horses, even though we are in the middle of horse & cattle country.

anyway, I hear you on the not liking housework. It used to be I would rather clean my barn than the house; these days I can’t do either one too well, but I am going to keep chugging along

 

[officerripley]

used to be I would rather clean my barn than the house

Oh no you have a barn you have to clean too? As much as I hate cleaning house I guess I’d rather do that than clean a barn. I’m so tired of the outdoorsy sh*t that even if a relatively-less disgusting kind of bug gets in the house, I’m yelling at it “why can’t you disgusting outdoorsy things STAY outdoors?!”

 

[Salty]

My mother died a couple of years ago, and my dad was rattling around in this bigass house they bought back in 2005. He was sort of spiraling. My brother and I both invited him to come live with either of us, and he instead asked us to move in with him. Now there's 9 people and 3 dogs in the house and while he is being allowed to grieve, he isn't being allowed to crawl up into himself. Also, he doesn't have to worry about his retirement funds running out before he does.

God bless you and your brother for honoring your dads wishes and moving in with him. That must be a very big house! The lovely thing about it is that you are all together helpng one another. Your dad is very blessed.

 

[officerripley]

God bless you and your brother for honoring your dads wishes and moving in with him. That must be a very big house! The lovely thing about it is that you are all together helpng one another. Your dad is very blessed.

Indeed, it must be a very very big house. I bet if houses that large were more affordable, more families would do that.

 

[TeePee]

Our situations are very similar. It was my first marriage and her second. Other than motorcycles and fishing, I didn't have a lot of hobbies either. I spent most of my working life also married to a job I loved. I guess you could say I was a bit of a workaholic. It was very interesting and could be a rush at times but it was pretty stressful which is why I retired a couple of years early.

I was the loner in our marriage. She on the other hand was very bubbly and outgoing with lots of friends and involved in all sorts of charities. She was even a docent at a large museum. I had acquaintances but didn't have any real friends outside of my circle of ridding buddies. The old adage of "opposites attract" was very true in our case.

We also loved travelling. Both of us had been in the military in Europe which gave us the opportunity to travel all over Scandinavia and Europe. We did a lot of road trips across the US, many of which were history themed (we were both history buffs).

I agree with you as to solo travelling but I've tried to keep up road tripping every year of two to places we had planned on visiting but never did. I have to admit though that the combination of long hours on the road and no one to share it with, is making travel less appealing. Then there's the age factor. I definitely get more tired behind the wheel than I used to.



This is something I'm considering.

Maybe you might have a friend who could be a traveling companion. My husband and I have a friend who was widowed in 2021. He and I have been on a couple of day trips together (strictly platonic and friends only) and it's helped having someone to enjoy sights with. It's not the same as a spouse but helps fill in those long days.

 

[Salty]

Indeed, it must be a very very big house. I bet if houses that large were more affordable, more families would do that.

Loneliness and boredom have been a part of my life since my wife's passing 3 years ago. The combination of the two has been soul crushing, but three years on, I'd have to say that boredom is the biggest problem.

My wife was my best friend for 35 years and I now find myself at a loss for how to successfully navigate this new phase of life. We were seldom bored. She had her hobbies, I had mine, and we had things we did together. I especially miss our long road trips by car sharing the things we saw and did.

Following a two wheeled addiction that began when I was 15 years old, my main hobby for years was motorcycle travel across the US. However, thanks to geezer issues like arthritis, I seldom ride anymore. I wish early in life I had taken up something like golf because of the social aspect of it. Instead, I got hooked on long distance motorcycle riding which is primarily a solitary sport. Years ago, I was really into fishing but I burned out on that. All this to say that I need to find new hobbies or activities that will get me involved in meeting people and getting me out of my shell, but I am at a loss for what that might be.

As to loneliness, because neither my wife or I had children (my first marriage, her second), it can be hard for attraction to develop when I meet most women because there's just not a lot in common. Folks naturally want to talk about their grand children etc. and that is perfectly understandable but I can only relate as an outside observer. I really envy folks who have grand kids and close family ties but that just wasn't in the cards for me.

I really feel like writing more but it's late. Just needed to vent.

Hi Frio,
This too shall pass sir. I feel your pain and Id like to give you a little of what Ive come up with for you. I pray that you receive this as I intend and that is in love and good intentions.
Why does there need to be an attraction in meeting women Frio? You are still grieving! Dont bring your troubled heart more to deal with. Give it some time. Three yrs is still pretty raw. "Keep it simple stupid". Have you ever heard that expression? You just need friends. Maybe a platonic companion to kick around with.

Look for rv clubs online. There are alot of them with varying interests and members. Look for people who like to travel. There are day trips and longer trips. Im telling you. there are so many options that you will be busy figuring out which one to pick. Jumping into new horizons is scary but we never reap its rewards if we dont. I understand your plight more than Im going to share in this public venue.

Im actually preaching to the choir. Another brilliant idea by me,wink, is that you could also give back to your community and be a big brother to a young boy who has no father. The innocense of a child is soothing to our old bones. Your love and kindness to a child is a win win situation. A childs laughter is medicine to the soul. Go find that "grandchild" and love on him. Teach him to throw a baseball or play pinball.

Ill tell you one thing is for sure! Noone is going to pull you out of your dark hole but Jesus Christ. Cry out to Lord Jesus Christ like David did. He already knows whats on your mind and heart anways. Talk to your creator. Trust in Christ who knows how many hairs are on your head. Christ knit you in your moms womb. He knows your every thought. Seek the Lord with all of your heart and strength.(Romans 10: 17Consequently, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.)

I promise you that if you approach God with a humble and contrite heart, he will not only regenerate your soul but He will carry you through your difficult days. Im not saying all the pain and bad days go away. I am saying you will have Christ to carry you through. When one is born again in the Spirit of Yahweh,we see what others cannot by gaining wisdom through the scriptures.

We have a sharper discernment(2Tim2:15). The fog lifts that enslaved us. Jesus said he would set me free and he certainly did. His word is a healing balm to my soul. Seek a reformed bible expositing church. Open up your bible and ask God to teach you. Ask God to protect your heart and mind from the evil one. Ill pray for you Frio. You are my neighbor. Im going to love you as I love myself. I hope that you dont mind.Blessings

Psalm118:24This is the day that the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

 

[Salty]

Haven't read all the replies. Single guy here, was mourning deceased gf.

Joined a fitness club, paid for by SIlver Sneakerts 100%, and started pickleball. I was very shy, but I was very lonely too, so it was worth the discomfort. Met lots of people, some of whom are now 'pickleball friends' but no girl friend or real guy friend. There was one female I thought about asking out, but I met my current gf somewehere else (at church) so that was that.

Still play pickleball to get out of house, and for exercise, socializing.

Good luck. Loneliness is a real thing for some of us.

Im glad that you met her at church. Thats a terrific start. Blessings.