Lonely in your empty nest?

@Bellbird Those days aren't gone except in the case of estrangement between family members. Once our kids are grown and gone, they have their own lives, friends, jobs, homes, partners, children, and as parents we need to accept that. After all, we had our "turn" at leaving the nest.

The days that are "gone" are the days when most of us lived in small towns, often being born/living in the same place all our lives. Families lived closer then; nowadays it's not unusual for families to live in suburbs of the same big city but still many miles away from one another. For instance, my son lives a 60-mile round trip from me and now with the cost of gas, a once-a-month visit is what he can manage.

Now it's up to us to adjust to our different circumstances. Our kids are raised, some of us are widowed, some retired, some financially secure and some not so financially secure, but we need to make the changes necessary to keep living fulfilling lives. Church? Friends? Part-time jobs? Travel? Volunteering? Taking a class in something we've always wanted to learn? Or maybe even pursuing a degree (or another degree). Whatever it takes to continue to be aware, awake, with it, and not turn into bored old folks. Bored people (no matter their ages) are boring people.

And BTW, in most places, once you've turned 65 and are a resident of your state, college tuition is free. Still have to pay for books but many fees no longer apply to older students, not to mention that student ID issued to students garners a whole lot of discounts!
I have probably done more adjusting than you have, throughout my long life.. Family estrangement was ALL I was referring to.
 

A co-worker of Huzz's wanted to join his grown son who had immigrated to Australia but Australia wouldn't take the co-worker and his wife--he is a chemist (at least on degree in it) and she's a certified nursing assistant (elder care) but they were "too old" (in their early 50s). o_O
exactly this is what's so irritating... and @Pepper, the same here..we have everybody and his cousins grandma get to live here, and don't know the language at all ...
 
Nope...too old.. tried...
I really must get out in the real world more.......
Learn something new everyday.
A person can be rejected a move to another country because a person is too old.....because a person isnโ€™t a millionaire......?????๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜Ÿ๐Ÿ˜•.
Really......Canada is one of them. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜–.
 

I really must get out in the real world more.......
Learn something new everyday.
A person can be rejected a move to another country because a person is too old.....because a person isnโ€™t a millionaire......?????๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜Ÿ๐Ÿ˜•.
Really......Canada is one of them. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜–.
yes absolutely Canada is one of them... when I looked initially there was both husb and I, both in full time employment.. him in a position of some merit within the Media... ( and I have to say right here he didn't want to move to Canada, he'd lived and worked there for a while about 30 years ago and didn't like it ).. and both of us had relatives who lived in Canada.. but yet, nope we didn't meet the criteria.. , and now I'm on my own, and even older, and now retired, NO Chance...

.. but NZ.. was the one that I wanted to go to specifically, but their requirement is for under 55's only ..or... if you're 66 or over is for a temporary retirement visa only .. a minimum of ยฃ1/2 a million in savings... and you must have that available at all times even after you've bought a property.. despite the fact that I wouldn't be a drain on their Pension system because I'd still be entitled to my British pension..

Taken from their website..

The Temporary Retirement Category:

To be eligible for a Temporary Retirement Visitor Visa you must be 66 years or older and you will have to invest NZ$750,000.

In addition to the initial investment you must also provide evidence that you have further funds equivalent to NZ$500,000 as settlement funds available to you.

Carsten says:

โ€On a positive note: These settlement funds can remain where they are, they donโ€™t have to be moved to New Zealand.
For example: A house in your home country can be nominated as settlement funds, but does not have to be sold for this purpose.
Furthermore, Temporary Retirement Category applicants must demonstrate that they have an annual income of at least NZ$60,000 and they must have a comprehensive health or travel insurance.

โ€

Carsten points out: There is no guarantee that you will be able to remain in New Zealand indefinitely on a Temporary Retirement Visa.

"An extended visitor visa under the Temporary Retirement Category can theoretically roll over in perpetuity: two years after two years after two years, but it is not future proof.
If the New Zealand Government changes this policy, then the visa holder will get stuck without a visa.
Although this program has been in place for quite a while, there is no guarantee that in two years time the same program is still available."
โ€
https://www.new-zealand-immigration.com/investment/retirement-in-nz
 
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When I got divorced the kids stayed with me, but now I have lived alone for seven years, I absolutly love it. The kids and I have great relationships but I told them if their lives ever blow up and they want to move back home it just ain't happening. I would rather rent them an apartment for a year than let them move back home.

I also say if I ever got married again we would have to buy a duplex, she can have her side and I will have mine.
 
well I already lived for 10 years in Spain.. until just a few years ago. That's the trouble with us being on the wrong side of the planet.. all other English speaking countries are not in Europe ..everything means learning a new language, new customs and worst of all new bureaucracy. The red tape in Spain and the corruption within local govt and the police, is rife, I mean in your face you can't ignore it even if you were blind and deaf ..rife!! It got too much for me so I came back to the UK..at least in England you can deal with red tape ..(which by and large the UK i is not corrupt )... in English..

All other English speaking countries won't accept a woman my age without a job, or sponsors... or a vast amount of savings ( new Zealand for example for the latter)...otherwise believe me I would move from this country in a heartbeat that's already beaten...
[/QUO
Holly, where would you go or want to.
 
I couldn't tell you off the top of my head it's a few years since I looked.. but I know that I didn't fit any English speaking country's criteria... too old mainly..

Even my friend who is alone, can't go and live with her son and his family in Australia, she doesn't fit the criteria.. so she has to make a month long trip..on a very long plane journey to Australia then save like mad to go back 2 years later.. in the meantime she lives alone, when in fact her son has said he'd have her living with him...

It seems all these countries just want either Millionaires, or people of working age with a job ready to go to...
my daughter lives in another country.i would love to move there but i dont fit the criteria
 
I cannot move to Canada... I don't have the necessary requirement needed ... .. I may not be divorced yet, , but this is not a new thing me wanting to leave the UK..which is why I moved to Spain way back 20 years ago..or so... I am very ready to leave my country, I have nothing keeping me here...but there's no English speaking country willing to allow me in.. not at this age . ,,madness, because I can move to just about any European non English speaking country.. or even to Asia if I want , but not one of our English speaking colonies or ex colonies...
Good God, Holly, if I sure do feel your exact feelings.
I too have been thinking of running away from my country too.
Isn't that weird we both feel the same.

How about we exchange countries.
This for the same reasoning as you stated in your post.

I sure,feel that pulling at my heart, soul, and needing to start over. Even your daughter as my estranged family have been too busy for my liking.
Not that they can fix my wounded heart and too much emptiness.

I don't understand one thing, why in the world does a English speaking country have such a shameful attitude to stick to us, as in people who speak English after all if it wasn't for our ancestors allowing their FREEDOMS that they have, what a way to show their respect after all the vets that died for their shameful requirements.
I'm in shock!
So if I was to invite you here in the USA, would I be arrested?
 
Good God, Holly, if I sure do feel your exact feelings.
I too have been thinking of running away from my country too.
Isn't that weird we both feel the same.

How about we exchange countries.
This for the same reasoning as you stated in your post.

I sure,feel that pulling at my heart, soul, and needing to start over. Even your daughter as my estranged family have been too busy for my liking.
Not that they can fix my wounded heart and too much emptiness.

I don't understand one thing, why in the world does a English speaking country have such a shameful attitude to stick to us, as in people who speak English after all if it wasn't for our ancestors allowing their FREEDOMS that they have, what a way to show their respect after all the vets that died for their shameful requirements.
I'm in shock!
So if I was to invite you here in the USA, would I be arrested?
No you wouldn't be arrested Dear Autumn... I could go to any country for as many Vacations ( holidays ) as I want, I just can't stay there on a permanent basis...
 
yes but I wouldn't want to keep doing the airport experience over and over, much less the cost of rental properties and hotels...
If you marry then you are magically able to stay forever.
Now, I know how silly that sounds its an idea that could be a way to think of another way to finding a prince who may be able to fall in love with a gorgeous woman. Already have run into a secret admirer here in Travels that mentioned how he was wishing that Holly was his love.

Maybe he may be like Morris's husband. From the Adam's Family.
I had always wanted to go to England to get out of here same reasons as you.
I had no ideavI would not be able to stay!

Yikes, imagine going over to find out I would have to return to my heartaches galore.
Tell me plesse this is not true for England
 
If you marry then you are magically able to stay forever.
Now, I know how silly that sounds its an idea that could be a way to think of another way to finding a prince who may be able to fall in love with a gorgeous woman. Already have run into a secret admirer here in Travels that mentioned how he was wishing that Holly was his love.

Maybe he may be like Morris's husband. From the Adam's Family.
I had always wanted to go to England to get out of here same reasons as you.
I had no ideavI would not be able to stay!

Yikes, imagine going over to find out I would have to return to my heartaches galore.
Tell me plesse this is not true for England
LOL...well I have no idea if it's true or not for the UK.. but as you say I do know it's much easier for someone to marry a Brit and be allowed to stay here than it is for a Brit to marry an American and be allowed to live in the USA.. those that I know who are in 'mixed marriages' where it involves one half of them being American tend to always have the American partner come here and live.. and when they do, they all seem to love it here...
 
Does anyone else feel a longing for your adult children? I have a daughter, age 23. We don't live together and I live alone. She's told me that I need to have other things that feed my self-esteem other than her.
I think it is her age, my daughter (25 yr) is also very busy starting her own life. I'd say we should have had more children if we wanted to be sure to have more interaction, but, probably that wouldn't help, I just googled two 'old ladies' (they were 77 yrs old when I knew them but I thought that was very old) who I used to take to the grocery store each weekend, and I found their obituaries. One lived to 93 and had 39 great grandchildren and 4 great-great grandkids, and the other lady died only 3 years ago at the age of 110 having 33 great grandkids, 44 great-great grandkids, and 2 great-great-great ones. And yet, inspite of them having lots of family I was the one taking them to the grocery store 36 years ago. So probably they had lots of children and still were a bit alone.
 
About a year ago I looked into moving to NZ from the U.S. In order to get a permanent visa I would have to apply for an investment based visa which requires close to 10 Mil. Above and beyond that it seemed like the investments needed to be focused on social based investments.
 
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This is why maybe no borders is a good idea, that everyone could live where they want to. That is idealistic, I know. It used to be an American passport can get one in anywhere with no visa for at least 6 months. I don't know what's going on anymore.
 
LOL...well I have no idea if it's true or not for the UK.. but as you say I do know it's much easier for someone to marry a Brit and be allowed to stay here than it is for a Brit to marry an American and be allowed to live in the USA.. those that I know who are in 'mixed marriages' where it involves one half of them being American tend to always have the American partner come here and live.. and when they do, they all seem to love it here...
My thoughts, a penpal, married, a woman from America, he the UK.
He left England, to be with her
I died here, when we were communicating.
Sad, I thought he must miss his country.
His brother, stayed in England.
In one of her letters after his passing, she did mention how she had planned to make a trip to England when the pandemic hit.
So she had to hold back on that trip , she would be taking with her sister, to go and see her BIL who is not married but in a committed relationship.
She must had by now. She too liked England. As I know I would too.
 
Yep, this is one I am really feeling right now. My son, his wife and the grandson were living with me for about 3 1/2 years. My husband had passed 3 years prior and my son lived at home while going to college. My Mother's health turned bad so she was also here for part of the time my son and family were.

Many reasons, taking care of all of them. Cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. They motivated me to keep rolling. Now the kids have their own home, Mom had to go into care and has since passed. If is like my whole world disappeared.

I had never lived alone until I was 60 years old. My health started to act up and I have my own issues. As hard as it is, I do not contact my son unless necessary. I know they are both busy working and making their own family traditions. It is not easy as I just have my son, no other children. I could get out in the world more but I have social anxiety and just don't have the trust in other people. I do know what is happening, or not happening is my fault. I think I need to go back to therapy to deal with how my life is now, alone and on my own.
 
I think the nuclear family concept stinks ! - i lived in HK once and at that time found that the extended family concept was still strong so elderly parents WERE cared for and often lived with their kids. Same in Thailand were my dil is from - extended family living and care - used to be the same in uk immediate post war too. my own mother lived alone for a few years after pa left then she re-married but I am in oz and she wouldn't even come for a visit and my sis in Canada - she visited her a few times - which left my poor younger bro to take on the load. the one thing Ma loved more than anything else and was proud of was her immediate family and we all ran away even my younger deceased bro who went to Spain. Modern nuclear family imo stink and are the breakdown of families! - as my ma used to oft say " I could be wrong but I think you'll find me that I am right". Wow I could tell you so many stories !! hahaha don't worry I wont!!
 
I think the nuclear family concept stinks ! - i lived in HK once and at that time found that the extended family concept was still strong so elderly parents WERE cared for and often lived with their kids. Same in Thailand were my dil is from - extended family living and care - used to be the same in uk immediate post war too. my own mother lived alone for a few years after pa left then she re-married but I am in oz and she wouldn't even come for a visit and my sis in Canada - she visited her a few times - which left my poor younger bro to take on the load. the one thing Ma loved more than anything else and was proud of was her immediate family and we all ran away even my younger deceased bro who went to Spain. Modern nuclear family imo stink and are the breakdown of families! - as my ma used to oft say " I could be wrong but I think you'll find me that I am right". Wow I could tell you so many stories !! hahaha don't worry I wont!!
I have met a few (not many) nuclear families which were loving and nuturing but I think there are certainly non-nuclear, non-"traditional" families which can be every bit as loving and nurturing. I really think that family can take many forms.
 
yes I agree of course it's just for me I have seen the effects of the development of nuclear families disintegrating the extended families from which the originated - once my own nuclear family within the extended families of ma and pa physically left the 'premises' all the nurturing and caring disappeared. For one of my aunts funeral her sister [my mother] sent my brother as a representative of our nuclear family. I can still recall all the richest and nurturing of my paternal and maternal extended families in so many ways. Once we became a nuclear family it was every man/woman for themselves. and it reverberates to this very day
 
What is the requirement to move to the States? Actually, I'm looking it up now.
It's not that you couldn't move to the US, it's more do you really want to do this?

I have lived all my life here and there are considerable differences in culture and socioeconomics. The biggest issue is that if you are accustomed to National Healthcare - no matter how bad you think it is - you will be shocked at the poor quality of US healthcare available to the financially disadvantaged. Every state runs their own Medicaid program for the poor, and generally 'low cost of living' (LCOL) states barely fund their Medicaid programs. 'High cost of living' (HCOL) states do better, but then you are stuck in generally high-rent, expensive areas.

There is a huge number of poor in the US who have no health insurance at all, as states can and do make regulations that make them ineligible for ANY aid. Their only fallback is a hospital emergency room, and many hospital chains have withdrawn from rural and poorer areas (where LCOL is) as unprofitable. An ambulance taking you to a hospital 5 miles away can cost $5K in our town, and I live in a major city. It would not be unusual for someone in a rural area to need an ambulance to take them 25 or 30 miles away to a full-service hospital.

The US is a great place to live if you have money. But that also means that in most major cities, where the social service safety net is stronger, the definition of poverty is a family of 4 living on $100,000+ annually.

If you came to the US and overstayed your visa, no one will search you out and make you go home. But it also means IF you need any federal/state/municipal services you will have to pay for them, cash or credit card, because you would not be eligible for any public funding or program.

I'm sorry - I honestly don't mean to be discouraging. If you can afford to live in the US, that's wonderful! But it's actually cheaper to emigrate to Canada, despite their net worth requirement, than to live in the US and be poor. We do not treat our poor well, and it's a huge continuing social debate as the numbers of homeless increase in more and more states.
 


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