Looking for advice

genejr1224

genejr1224

New Member
Location
Atwater,California
I met my girlfriend in 1977. Just after I graduated from high school. From then we dated on and off. Then I joined the Army for 3 years. Came back home and married her in 1984. She divorced me in 1989 and it devastated me. I went on and got married to another woman on the rebound. Had my children with her and we divorced in 2008. I was reunited to my ex wife in 2009. She just recently divorced her husband after waiting a few years for her to do that. She still hasn't told her son, who is in his second year of college. Our plans is to get married again and but a house together. I am tired of waiting and I feel I am falling out of love with her. What do you think?
 

What other kind of answer could you expect? You're falling out of love and that's all we really know. Would you advise someone to marry someone they're not really sure about?
 
You're welcome. And welcome here, by the way.

I can see trying to reignite feelings to save a marriage, but to start off a marriage that way doesn't sound ideal. I suppose the question really is, why?
 
Why because of our history and how well we have been able to get along. Things is I know you are right. I guess I am just on a soul searching trip right now.
 
I agree with Olivia. There is no reason to marry at this age if you're not sure and have to try to re-ignite. Since you get along, just do that.

Good luck Gene. Another adventure may be on it's way.
 
Is the lady you want to marry now the one who left you devastated in 1989? But you said this in reply to Olivia "Why because of our history and how well we have been able to get along." Isn't your history that she left you devastated?

You asked "What do you think?" I probably shouldn't answer that.
 
Heck, maybe you're just fickle...want what you don't have until you have it, then don't want it anymore. It sounds like you're trying to talk yourself out of something you only thought you wanted.
 
Wait just a sec. She still hasn't told her son what? That she divorced his father? That she's going to remarry her first husband? And she hasn't told him whichever one applies exactly why? Sounds like a darned big red flag. Maybe she's not so sure she wants to remarry you, either. Maybe she forgot why she married, then divorced you in the first place.

Doesn't sound like a marriage made in heaven to me. However, if what you both want is someone amenable for companionship to spend your waning years, then maybe. Hie thee off to couples counseling, sort it all out, then each of you decide what you both want. And if it's not the same thing, there's your answer.
 
genejr1224 said:
I met my girlfriend in 1977. Just after I graduated from high school. From then we dated on and off. Then I joined the Army for 3 years. Came back home and married her in 1984. She divorced me in 1989 and it devastated me. I went on and got married to another woman on the rebound. Had my children with her and we divorced in 2008. I was reunited to my ex wife in 2009. She just recently divorced her husband after waiting a few years for her to do that. She still hasn't told her son, who is in his second year of college. Our plans is to get married again and but a house together. I am tired of waiting and I feel I am falling out of love with her. What do you think?
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Sounds pretty much like going to the fridge, opening the milk jug, sniffing it, noticing it smells funny, then putting it back in the fridge.
Next day, doing the same thing.

Yer on the next day.

How’s tomorrow lookin’?
 
Well here is the thing. I have been dating her since 2009. So 9 years. She has met my kids who are all now adults. I have been waiting for her to get the divorce but that just happened last year. She also has not told her son until this year that her ex and her divorced. Her ex and her stayed in the same house for their son. I thought ok but by the time he entered college 2 years ago I thought things would start happening but it hasn't except for the divorce. Well I am tired of waiting now. Tired of not having the holidays together. Tired of going to her special events like reunions and acting as we are a real item. Her last reunion I noticed a few women noticing me. So I began to wonder what would be better to leave and start dating again.
 
If you've been dating her for 9 years and she still isn't doing anything, you should start dating others. It sounds like if you stay with her, you will be making the same mistake again. Anytime there is doubts, there is problems waiting.
 
Sounds like she has the best of both worlds...a committed Gentleman Caller and no ties. Time for you to dump her and start living the rest of your life. There's somebody out there who's looking for a good guy and wants to be half of a couple with you. Go find her. Time's a-wastin!
 
I think Gene, you know you should dump her but at this stage of the game, you're afraid to be left alone. I understand.

It seems you want someone to back you or help you justify you marrying this woman, only I don't think you're going to get what you want.

If you're hoping to find someone to take care of you in your old age, she is not the one!

I truly hope you work this out for yourself.
 
genejr1224 said:
Well here is the thing. I have been dating her since 2009. So 9 years. She has met my kids who are all now adults. I have been waiting for her to get the divorce but that just happened last year. She also has not told her son until this year that her ex and her divorced. Her ex and her stayed in the same house for their son. I thought ok but by the time he entered college 2 years ago I thought things would start happening but it hasn't except for the divorce. Well I am tired of waiting now. Tired of not having the holidays together. Tired of going to her special events like reunions and acting as we are a real item. Her last reunion I noticed a few women noticing me. So I began to wonder what would be better to leave and start dating again.
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If I were in your shoes in the above circumstances, I would have very serious doubt about the woman's commitment to me. I also wouldn't have waited so long for her to fish or cut bait. IMHO she is stringing you along. I would be seriously tired of settling for half a loaf and I'd be looking elsewhere. Just as an aside, I also think there is something very odd and sneaky about the charade of living in the same house after the divorce and not telling her son. Are you sure that since she is willing to be dishonest and deceitful with her son that she would not be the same with you? Are you sure the divorce is even real?
 

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