Looking for advice

I told her tonight it is over. The waiting for her is over. Now she is promising me everything. But I know once she feels confident she will procrastinate again. I told her no its over. I just fell out of love for her.
 

genejr1224 said:
I told her tonight it is over. The waiting for her is over. Now she is promising me everything. But I know once she feels confident she will procrastinate again. I told her no its over. I just fell out of love for her.
Click to expand...
Good for you. Stick to your guns and start looking around for other friendships that could lead to something!. Have fun and enjoy yourself.
 
After all this time it's going to be hard to be alone, but my hope for you is that whatever feminine wiles she might try to use to convince you that the two of you should still be a couple, you can stick to your decision. Far better to be alone than to be with someone you really don't want to be with.

Enjoy your single-ness and be careful about being on the rebound. Once word gets around, every single woman within miles is going to just "happen to be in the neighborhood" dropping off a casserole!
 
Thank you Georgia. I am, hopefully, working with my feet firmly on the ground and a clear mind. Many years ago I learned my lesson about being on the rebound. She is calling my phone all night long and texting me constantly. That is why I turned my phone off last night. This morning,when I turned my phone on, it was buzzing with all the message and phone notifications she sent last night.
 
Good luck; it sounds like you have made the right decision. I hope it works out for you.

Just as an aside... if you will click on the "Reply with Quote" button on the post you are answering, it will quote that post in your reply. Then we will all know whose post you are responding to.
 
Olivia said:
If you're asking, you already know.
Click to expand...

genejr1224 said:
That simple?
Click to expand...
Yes. You are in denial and complicating things.

Olivia said:
What other kind of answer could you expect? You're falling out of love and that's all we really know. Would you advise someone to marry someone they're not really sure about?
Click to expand...

Olivia said:
You're welcome. And welcome here, by the way.

I can see trying to reignite feelings to save a marriage, but to start off a marriage that way doesn't sound ideal. I suppose the question really is, why?
Click to expand...

Exactly. If the fireworks have fizzled off before the marriage has even begun then you are paddling upstream full tilt.
 
Keesha said:
Yes. You are in denial and complicating things.

Exactly. If the fireworks have fizzled off before the marriage has even begun then you are paddling upstream full tilt.
Click to expand...

I understand fully. This forum helps because instead of answering her constant text messages and phone calls. I can come right here. She is calling me now. I'll turn off the phone.
 
I think you did the right thing for your long-term happiness; sorry it is such a pain in the rear right now. All that constant calling and texting would creep me out -- I would see it as kinda threatening, but maybe men don't look at things like that quite the same way. I had a similar experience many years ago, and found it to be very uncomfortable -- especially since it was in the "olden days" where we didn't have caller ID to let us know who was calling. And I would also see his car sort of cruising my street. I finally had my boss (lawyer) write him a letter telling him to cease and desist or the police would be brought in. Fortunately, the behavior stopped.
 
Butterfly said:
I think you did the right thing for your long-term happiness; sorry it is such a pain in the rear right now. All that constant calling and texting would creep me out -- I would see it as kinda threatening, but maybe men don't look at things like that quite the same way. I had a similar experience many years ago, and found it to be very uncomfortable -- especially since it was in the "olden days" where we didn't have caller ID to let us know who was calling. And I would also see his car sort of cruising my street. I finally had my boss (lawyer) write him a letter telling him to cease and desist or the police would be brought in. Fortunately, the behavior stopped.
Click to expand...

This is her email to me last night;
Gene,


I understand all the points you made in your email last night. They are all valid.


I'm sorry that it took that letter to finally do what I should have done at least 2 years ago. I know that was not the intention of your letter.



I talked in depth with David and my mother and Jerry. They all know everything.


I've told David who you are to me and that what I'd like with you if want me.

I talked to Jerry, he was surprised it was you but I told him I'm hoping to have a future with you.


I know I didn't have to tell Jerry anything at this point but I wanted to know that I could do it and at least everything and would be out in the open.


I talked to my Mom. I told her that David and Jerry are visiting David's cousin in Visalia for Thanksgiving. I didnt know this had been arranged till today. I also told her I was hoping to be invited to your Mom's for Thanksgiving. I explained that I wasnt sure if you and I were going to be together or not. She was a little quiet and said she just wants me to be happy and I can make my own decisions.


I am hoping to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas and every holiday with you if you'll let me.


Gene, I know screwed up. I assumed the worse and it didnt happen. Yes, there is never a right time for these things. I've learned that. Unfortunately maybe too late.


I love you.

I know you love me.

I know I'm passed the final hour.

But I want to be with you 100%

I will find a job where you are. David will be fine. He knows I love him and his life can be worked into ours.

I want to be with you.


You say that you are done with me. I understand your frustration. You have had the patience of a saint.


I want 100% of our lives to combine and start RIGHT NOW. I will do anything and tell everyone that I love you.. I've told David and my mother everything.


I love you. We have been a part of each other's lives for so long. You are my blood. You are half my heart. We belong together. Can't we start from right now?


You say its too late, you say you're done. I know you are in a good place right now in your life. All your children are with you. But can you just reconsider? There is no more waiting.

I want to be with you and be in that life. WE ARE SO CLOSE WITH THIS. All you have to say is ok.


We have so much love. I love and care so much for you. Our love is so special.

Please consider that. Please reconsider.


I will drive down to you to talk or you can come up and see me. Me and David if you want.


I love you. I always have and I always will.
 
Please don't cave. Wherever she says "we" insert "I" and wherever she says "our" insert "my."

One has to ask "Why the secrecy? What was to be gained?" She wants what she wants, and as far as I can tell, the only reason she decided to tell one and all NOW is for her benefit. If she what she wanted was to benefit BOTH of you, she'd have told her family and friends long ago.

Sometimes people re-marry because they forgot why they divorced. Don't forget why she divorced you! It was because she wanted what she wanted. When trust is gone, everything else is gone, too. Doesn't sound like she's to be trusted at all.

Best to cut off communication because the longer she works on you, the more likely she is to convince you that what SHE wants is what you want, too, even though you've already made the decision to call a halt to what appears to be a one-sided relationship and what would very likely turn back into a one-sided relationship in spite of her insistence that all is well now. Apparently, all is well with her, but that email is all about her and what she wants, no mention of you and what you want.

Blah blah blah...I'm rambling!
 
Gene, I just read the long text she sent you. Then I went back an re-read your posts. She left you after 5 years of marriage. You were devastated. She comes back into your life years later, telling people selective truths. She doesn't tell her college-aged son about her divorce from his father, she continues to live with her ex-husband and strings you along for a ride. Does ANY of that sound like true, shout-it-from-the-rooftop kind of love?

She panicked when you told her your were done with your relationship with her. You took control of your life - good for you! I have a bad feeling about her. Is this good enough for you for the rest of your life? Does a leopard really change its spots?

Remember this saying, it will serve you well: "Don't make someone a priority who makes you an option."
 
This morning I went to my water therapy. I pulled up to my house and my daughter was waiting outside. She said she wanted to tell me Anna was in the house. Anna had drove 2 1/2 hours to see me. I went in had coffee eggs and bacon. So then I took her into my room and told her to sit on the chair. I listen to her. she said all the same things. I gave her my why for my decision. Told she is not going to have Thanksgiving with me or my family. Told her to give me time then I told her to go home. I walked her to her car and said goodbye. She stayed parked for an additional 1/2 hour even though I walked back into my house.
 
Good grief; I hope she doesn't start stalking you.

And I have to say, it was disloyal of you to post her private letter to you. I'm sure that was meant for your eyes only.
 
Oh, my. Leann's right, don't make somebody a priority who makes you an option. Please, please don't cave and please, please don't continue to explain yourself or your decision to her because it's just not necessary. You're entitled to decide what you want to do with your life. You told her it's a no-go and then told her to give you time? That sure sounds like a mixed message to me! If I were a love-struck high school girl mooning over a crush and he told me to give him time what I'd hear is that there's hope.

It's flattering to be so wanted that she'd phone, text, email, drive for 2 1/2 hours to see you after you've told her it's over and done with. Do you really want that kind of attention from somebody you no longer want in your life? That borders on stalking, for heaven's sake!

Sounds like you've been as patient as a saint, as kind as possible, and gracious as well. Maybe it's time to stop being gentle but firm and start being cold and deliberate because so far she apparently hasn't paid attention.

And still she insists that you get back together because that's what SHE wants?There's a way to put a stop to it and make it stick: employ the blocking feature on your phone and on your computer.
 
C'est Moi said:
Good grief; I hope she doesn't start stalking you.

And I have to say, it was disloyal of you to post her private letter to you. I'm sure that was meant for your eyes only.
Click to expand...

I thought about that, posting her letter and you are right. I just know she will never see this forum and I believe no one here knows her. So I used the letter to give clarification. I did not post her letter with any malice towards her.
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
Oh, my. Leann's right, don't make somebody a priority who makes you an option. Please, please don't cave and please, please don't continue to explain yourself or your decision to her because it's just not necessary. You're entitled to decide what you want to do with your life. You told her it's a no-go and then told her to give you time? That sure sounds like a mixed message to me! If I were a love-struck high school girl mooning over a crush and he told me to give him time what I'd hear is that there's hope.

It's flattering to be so wanted that she'd phone, text, email, drive for 2 1/2 hours to see you after you've told her it's over and done with. Do you really want that kind of attention from somebody you no longer want in your life? That borders on stalking, for heaven's sake!

Sounds like you've been as patient as a saint, as kind as possible, and gracious as well. Maybe it's time to stop being gentle but firm and start being cold and deliberate because so far she apparently hasn't paid attention.

And still she insists that you get back together because that's what SHE wants?There's a way to put a stop to it and make it stick: employ the blocking feature on your phone and on your computer.
Click to expand...
Thanks, I used the give me time as a way to get her to leave my house without any argument. I will not be answering her calls or messages. I think she understands its over. It just has to sink in.
 
genejr1224 said:
Thanks, I used the give me time as a way to get her to leave my house without any argument. I will not be answering her calls or messages. I think she understands its over. It just has to sink in.
Click to expand...

It's not going to sink in as long as you keep giving her hope. You know you didn't want more time, but she doesn't. You have to make a believer out of her by being firm and ignoring her.
 
genejr1224 said:
I thought about that, posting her letter and you are right. I just know she will never see this forum and I believe no one here knows her. So I used the letter to give clarification. I did not post her letter with any malice towards her.
Click to expand...

Gene, I didn't get the impression that you posted her message to you with the intent of violating any confidentiality. We don't know her or you and it actually helped provide additional clarification about her personality. She's in a state of panic, having lost control of the situation and having lost you. Move on, live your best life.
 
No need for formalities at our age. Sometimes casual works better than formal. A friend, a date, companion is better than a spouse at this point.
 
Gene, checking in with you. How are you? How are things?
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top