Man told woman to shut up

debodun

debodun

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Location
way upstate in New York, USA
The last time I was having a garage sale, the couple next door were sitting out on their porch. Apparently someone the man knew rode by on a bicycle and he called to the cyclist. The man on the bicycle stopped and started talking to my neighbor. I heard the woman say something and then I heard the neighbor say "We're talking. When men are talking, you keep quiet!" I was so outraged I felt like going over and saying something about his rudeness, but probably would have gotten verbal abuse from him as well and it wouldn't solve the problem. I wonder if this is how he treats her in private also. Why can't she defend herself? If it was my husband/boyfriend that said that to me, he wouldn't be able to talk for a LONG time with the fat lip I'd give him!
 

As a former police officer I have encountered many domestic situations that contained violence. When you say that if he would talk to you like that he wouldn't be able to talk for a long time because you would give him a fat lip makes me think that maybe she has felt his anger with his physical rage and if so, it is likely that she knows her place, at least with him.

I know most everyone of us have heard that a lot of women are hesitant to report their physically abusive husbands by calling the police, but it won't stop and may even escalate to the point where death may result, if they choose to keep hoping that it will stop. Some women are even of the belief that they deserve to be beaten. And of course there are those women that kill their husband because they couldn't take it anymore and they just snap and end up facing charges. I had one women that killed her husband with a shotgun while he was sleeping off his being drunk.

When I arrived on calls where there was physical abuse, I would often urge the women to press charges. Sometimes they would, but then drop the charges for fear the next beating may be worse, or they don't want to lose him because they love him or the children need their father. I've heard it all. I tell them to get a PFA and if they have family to go live with for awhile they should consider that. I also carried cards from the abuse center in my county. They would come out and give the women and their children, if they had any, protection, shelter and food until things could get put back in order. Most women tell me that they felt like they are trapped and can't get out.

It's a sad situation a lot of times.
 

Bless you, 911, for trying to help our sisters in need! I worked in the mental health field, actually mostly in Pittsburgh at the no longer existing St. Francis Hospital, for quite a number of years, and saw much the same kind of thing. And women fearing that even if they did escape, the man would run them to ground and kill them like a wild animal.
 
Im curious.what was her reaction after that " "We're talking. When men are talking, you keep quiet!"

Did she just sit there like an idiot or walk away?
 
I'm sure he treats her the same way or worse in private. If my husband/boyfriend talked down to me like that, I would not be with them for very long. Some women are led to believe that they deserve this type of treatment from men, some will stay with a man for decades, even if he beat her.

Sometimes they're afraid to leave, or he may find them. Sometimes they don't have the financial means to leave and be on their own, any they may hesitate going to a safe house, because when they no longer can stay there, they may be homeless. Sometimes they stay because of the kids, even though the children would be much better off in a non-violent, non-abusive environment.

I'm glad you didn't go over and say anything Debodun, because she probably would have paid for it later in their home. A lot of women are fearful of their men with good reason, the men are much stronger than them, and can do a lot of damage with just one punch or choke-hold.
 
It may seem distasteful or even impossible, but there are some people that desire / like / need such treatment.

They're called submissives.

I'm not saying that's the situation here, but it could very well be.

I'm suree 911 can relate to this - if you stick your nose into a "domestic disturbance" there's a good chance that as you're dealing with the husband / boyfriend the wife / girlfriend will jump on your back and try to scratch your eyes out.

It's best to let people live their lives they way they do.
 
When I was an EMT, I seen what Domestic Violence is like "up close and personal" and it's not pretty sight. I went on a few calls dealing with it. Just like the retired Officer says, it's weird how the woman will say "no, I don't want to press charges", when asked by an Officer. But, then again, in this "day and age" what could happen to the woman once the man is released from jail?

I don't know, Domestic Violence is truly a bad thing and how to stop it from happening is a major question that needs answering.
 
I think I know where you are coming from, Phil. We had a domestic call with injury not too long before I retired. A wife and husband with one child and her mother lived together. An argument pursued over the taste of the meal that the man's wife had prepared and he finally punched her in the back of the head knocking her to the floor and actually loosened a few teeth. Her mom came to her rescue and he beat the hell out of the old gal and sending her to the hospital in very bad condition. She looked like she had went two rounds with Ali. I think she was about 80 years old.

When I got there, the man was telling his neighbor about how he won't have to worry about getting any more bad meals for dinner. Then he tells me that everything is OK. and I can leave and he has it all under control. I told him that I was leaving, but he was going with me. Put your hands behind your back, you're under arrest for A&B for now. We'll see how it goes and maybe we will have to amend the charges. He couldn't believe that I was taking his sorry ass to jail.
 
debodun said:
The last time I was having a garage sale, the couple next door were sitting out on their porch. Apparently someone the man knew rode by on a bicycle and he called to the cyclist. The man on the bicycle stopped and started talking to my neighbor. I heard the woman say something and then I heard the neighbor say "We're talking. When men are talking, you keep quiet!" I was so outraged I felt like going over and saying something about his rudeness, but probably would have gotten verbal abuse from him as well and it wouldn't solve the problem. I wonder if this is how he treats her in private also. Why can't she defend herself? If it was my husband/boyfriend that said that to me, he wouldn't be able to talk for a LONG time with the fat lip I'd give him!
Click to expand...

Mine would be hanging by his dangly bits from the nearest church steeple if I was spoken to in that way!:mad:
 
One thing for sure, some women are plainly passive, just as some men are. As far as some women saying what they would do to their man for talking like that........you don't want to end up in jail either. Not defending what this man said at all, but that's also how Domestic Violence happens......by the woman physically fighting back without the man touching her. Self-defense is one thing, but kicking a man's butt for saying something, is another. Also saying, with the way this dude talks to her, she should already be gone.
 
I sometimes think it is better not to intervene..eventually the stupid woman will wake up!!

I did it once, where a child was involved..the woman was getting smacked round the kisser..he grabbed a baby's pushchair and pushed it into the middle of the road,narrowly being missed by 2 cars..I got the baby back onto the pavement..and then the woman turned on me!!
 
Christine would have given me the look.
And I would have said yes dear. It as kept us going for 41 years those two little words.:):):eek:nthego:
 
I did actually have an abusive partner..he was a boxer...and he hit me quite often...

What he didn't know was that I came from a boxing family..I could see him getting ready to hit me..so I stood up and said ''come on then you SOAB!''

I beat him up..he lay on the floor...whimpering...I left the same night!!...
 
Two BIG "thumbs up" for Twixie!!:clap:

Twixie said:
I did actually have an abusive partner..he was a boxer...and he hit me quite often...

What he didn't know was that I came from a boxing family..I could see him getting ready to hit me..so I stood up and said ''come on then you SOAB!''

I beat him up..he lay on the floor...whimpering...I left the same night!!...
Click to expand...
 
It has been said that men are less likely to file a complaint of domestic violence from a female for fear of embarrassment. I don't know what I would do if my wife or another female would smack me around. I guess it depends on if I did something that I deserved to be hit for or if I said something that I shouldn't have said and she nailed me one. I doubt if any of this is ever going to be an issue with me, but one never knows what lies around the bend, but I can't see myself striking a women. Probably just walk away or out the door and keep walking.
 

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