Maybe you remember when I wrote this and this is an update

^^^Strangers are people, too. They deserve to be treated w respect and kindness until they show otherwise.

One may also argue that a person or stranger treated rudely may have more incentive for revenge than if they were told the truth upfront and didn't spend weeks waiting for the promised communication which never came.
 

againstthegrain said:
^^^Strangers are people, too. They deserve to be treated w respect and kindness until they show otherwise.
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Sure... absolutely. I'm thinking "I'll be away and won't be able to make it" is a lot kinder than "I have bad feelings about you being some sort of icky creep, so forget our lunch." ❓🤷‍♀️ Just funnin' with you now, but I seriously don't see anything unkind about this. Simply not showing up at the appointed time would be unkind. Saying the example I just gave would be unkind. But "I can't make it due to being away" isn't unkind. We can agree to disagree on it... I'm good with that. (y)
 
LoveTulips said:
So I was going to meet a woman for coffee from a local community FB group and it was because we are both retired and looking for new friends. We were going to meet in public so obviously very safe. But all last night I was nervous about this, really, I have no reason to say why. And we were going to meet next week, but I made up an excuse that I had to go out of town and will reconnect when I get back. But actually I won't. I just had this feeling not to meet this person. Have you had any situations where you felt like that?

The post above is the original post. So today, I get a nasty pm on FB from this woman saying that , " Well, why have I not heard back from you? You told me that you had to be away for a personal reason. Well, I don't care about your personal reason, I was waiting to hear back from you. When are we getting together? "

Uh, like never, lady. This to me is like stalking on FB. I am so glad that I never got together with this woman. I have blocked her now on FB.
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When that little voice in you mind says don't do this, I feel like it is wise to listen.
 
VintageBetter said:
IDK. Online communication is very tough, even by PM.

There is just NOTHING in typing online that can match actually talking to a person. Nothing. Use all the emojis you want 🙇‍♀️👢🎓🐹🐟🦜:alien::whistle:👀🫀👮‍♀️ and you still cannot hear their voice or see a face reacting or not reacting to what you have said.

I think it's different for young people because they were raised w/tech. But for we Seniors, we made all our dearest friends face to face, so that is how we still get most of our information, IMO.

IDK. Maybe she's awful, maybe she's just lonely and lashing out? IDK. She says she doesn't care about your personal reason, but, on the other hand, you lied. You both have your character flaws, as we all do.

What were you afraid was going to happen? She'd be packing a gun? Be hideous and hard to look at for 30 minutes? Or it was all just too scary?

Maybe she picked up on what you were trying to hide, which was the fact that you were dumping her before even meeting her?

"And the world goes round, and round and round...."
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Yes, actually I was scared of her. Let me repeat a story that I mentioned to a few people above.
Seriously, I know some people thought I was being too cautious. But really, I have gotten that feeling before about a dangerous person. When I was in my thirties, I used to go to a pub and at this pub was this women named Mabel, but she pronounced it Maybelle.

And I was always leery of her, but she hung around withe the group that I was with. Well, I called her Mabel, by accident and she told me. like right up to my face, " Don't ever call me Mabel again and her look was like, not hate, but like there was nothing in her eyes, like dead eyes. Heard much later on, she knifed someone for no reason.

By the way this was not some tough bar that I was in. I was teaching a college in Vancouver and my hubby, then my boyfriend and I would meet there, along with teachers and this group that my hubby was a part of, before he met me.
 
VintageBetter said:
You may have made the right choice, but please don't lie. Why couldn't you say, "I have changed my mind and I don't think this friendship will work out. I wish you well. Good-bye."

But we don't do that nowadays - now we just GHOST an BLOCK people - even after you struck up some kind of a relationship with her online.

If you tell her, or future women, that THE CHOICE IS YOURS and you are OWNING IT, then you set her free from wondering what she did wrong - if anything.

Just OWN IT. Don't lie. "I've changed my mind, but I hope you have success in your future endeavors." Is that so hard to say? Does that cost you so much? I've long thought that lying in personal relationships can become a BAD habit - I mean, if you get into the habit now, you will do it with your future wife.

I'm just trying to stamp out the cruelty of modern life. I know, I know - it's another hopeless cause.
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Excuse me, I just said this woman made me nervous. I have not ruined her life. I'm just a stranger on the internet. What is your problem lashing out at me????
 
againstthegrain said:
^^^Strangers are people, too. They deserve to be treated w respect and kindness until they show otherwise.

One may also argue that a person or stranger treated rudely may have more incentive for revenge than if they were told the truth upfront and didn't spend weeks waiting for the promised communication which never came.
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Oh, for heaven's sake. If a total stranger cannot cope with me saying that I would be away for awhile and then she gets mad with me, then she is obviously not right in the head. I have had numerous interactions throughout my life where I thought that strangers would interact with me and they would never call me back or email me, etc. Give me a break. And frankly, I don't care about her feelings, I care about my safety. Again let me repeat a story that I mentioned to a few people here.

Seriously, I know some people thought I was being too cautious. But really, I have gotten that feeling before about a dangerous person. When I was in my thirties, I used to go to a pub and at this pub was this women named Mabel, but she pronounced it Maybelle.

And I was always leery of her, but she hung around withe the group that I was with. Well, I called her Mabel, by accident and she told me. like right up to my face, " Don't ever call me Mabel again and her look was like, not hate, but like there was nothing in her eyes, like dead eyes. Heard much later on, she knifed someone for no reason.

By the way this was not some tough bar that I was in. I was teaching a college in Vancouver and my hubby, then my boyfriend and I would meet there, along with teachers and this group that my hubby was a part of, before he met me.
 
You did the right thing. You are under no obligation to meet up with her. Your intuition kicked in and gave you a warning and you responded. I think her true colors showed when she said she didn’t care about your personal reasons for being away. Pretty insensitive. I think you dodged a bullet there. I have learned to listen to my gut feeling.
 
I tend to agree that the way you handled it wasnt right either - that is ghosting people - saying you are away and you will get back to them and then not getting back to them

I think you should always be upfront with people - you can be honest without details. Just saying you have changed your mind about meeting up is all it needed.

Sure, she was pretty insensitive saying she didnt care about your personal reasons but then that works both ways, you dont care about her feelings either - and ghosting her was pretty insensitive too.
 
Like we say...always follow your first mind (well in this case..your second mind). I'm glad you did! Your intuition served you well, her behavior proved that. It's a good thing you did the smart thing and scheduled the lunch in a public place instead of giving your address, otherwise she might have come to your home and caused a commotion instead of stalking you on FB.
 
LoveTulips said:
Excuse me, I just said this woman made me nervous. I have not ruined her life. I'm just a stranger on the internet. What is your problem lashing out at me????
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So, she spoke to you one time by PM and you both agreed to meet for coffee?

Am I getting the interaction correct? You messaged only once before agreeing to meet her?

That's what I would call a total stranger. What's your standard for total stranger-ness?

I am not lashing out. You just want 100% agreement here that you were right. Call me contrarian, but as someone who has been falsely accused of crap myself, I always want to know more of the whole story. Always.
 
CallMeKate said:
:unsure: Well... this OP is a female and not looking for a wife. She was wanting another female to do some things with around town. The "personal relationship" was just someone looking for a buddy to do some activities with in the area.
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I did think that L.T. was looking for a date. My mistake. Sorry.
 
LoveTulips said:
So I was going to meet a woman for coffee from a local community FB group and it was because we are both retired and looking for new friends. We were going to meet in public so obviously very safe. But all last night I was nervous about this, really, I have no reason to say why. And we were going to meet next week, but I made up an excuse that I had to go out of town and will reconnect when I get back. But actually I won't. I just had this feeling not to meet this person. Have you had any situations where you felt like that?

The post above is the original post. So today, I get a nasty pm on FB from this woman saying that , " Well, why have I not heard back from you? You told me that you had to be away for a personal reason. Well, I don't care about your personal reason, I was waiting to hear back from you. When are we getting together? "

Uh, like never, lady. This to me is like stalking on FB. I am so glad that I never got together with this woman. I have blocked her now on FB.
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You trusted your gut, that is best, you did right.
 
VintageBetter said:
So, she spoke to you one time by PM and you both agreed to meet for coffee?

Am I getting the interaction correct? You messaged only once before agreeing to meet her?

That's what I would call a total stranger. What's your standard for total stranger-ness?

I am not lashing out. You just want 100% agreement here that you were right. Call me contrarian, but as someone who has been falsely accused of crap myself, I always want to know more of the whole story. Always.
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Yes, a total stranger, one pm. And frankly, I don't care about anyone's feelings if I feel like I'm in danger.
 
LoveTulips said:
Yes, a total stranger, one pm. And frankly, I don't care about anyone's feelings if I feel like I'm in danger.
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All right then - I misunderstood. I thought this was someone in your follower feed and you have become acquainted through social media. I am sorry I gave the PM-er benefit of the doubt but that is often my position on matters because we live in a hair-trigger, mob-rule, group think dominated society these days, IMO.
 
LoveTulips said:
Yes, a total stranger, one pm.
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VintageBetter said:
All right then - I misunderstood. I thought this was someone in your follower feed and you have become acquainted through social media. I am sorry I gave the PM-er benefit of the doubt but that is often my position on matters because we live in a hair-trigger, mob-rule, group think dominated society these days, IMO.
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No worries, all good. Remember I'm a grumpy person, so I get annoyed easily.:D
 

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