Mini Rant

K

Kaya

Senior Member
Location
Northern Cali
My sister. We have always been opposites, always never got along. Mainly because she is cray cray. She has to have the last word. Always. Now that she is old and decrepit, she is still a bully and has to have the last word.

She calls and wants to talk. Ok. I listen. It's the same crap she told me day before yesterday. When I say "yes. I know. You told me" she gets all indignant and claims I should listen to it again and not remind her she already told me. I sigh. Let her drone on and on about her aches and pains, her brunch she plans tomorrow to the "snooties" as she calls them, how much she is better than me and always has been. I say nothing. Just listen. Well, between her putting me on hold because her daughter is calling...or the phone going dead because she dropped it...or the phone going dead because she is out of range...and then when she calls back having to listen to the same stuff all over again....I finally get fed up and say I gotta go...we say our goodbyes and sure as sh!t...the phone rings again. I don't answer. And when I don't answer, it is punishment time. She will NOT STOP calling until I pick up. Sure I can unplug the phone but now I am hostage to this crazy b!tch? I don't think so.
She calls. Answering machine gets it. She hangs up without saying anything. She has to have the last word in my ear..not on a machine. She calls again. I ignore it. Again. Still ignoring it. Hubby is getting peeved. I calmly say "she ain't done. We have a few more hours of this, remember?" and he nods and sighs. Again it rings. I ignore. This goes on for about 45 minutes. Finally...I blow a gasket.

I call HER this time and scream "WTF do you WANT???" and she giggles and says "what is WRONG with you? I just want to talk to you!"

I rant at her for a minute or two, then threaten her that I will call her daughter, and that usually does the trick. For now. Until a few days pass and she decides to call me again for the same ol wash, rinse, repeat.

Oy. Yes, I know she is batsh!t crazy. It still doesn't help my blood pressure.

End of rant.
 
Kaya, I would inform her that her conversation was demeaning and bad for your health. That if she couldn't be a positive part of your life, then you are finding your relationship is not worth it.
 
Feel better now? A good rant usually does the trick for me, but it does it even better if I can rant at the person I want to rant at:D They never want to stand still long enough, though. Can't imagine why not...
 
You have a good point Georgia, I know if I could have it out with someone, things would be a lot better. In my family for example, we were taught not to say anything, sweep it under the rug, make a joke. Never just have a good ole argument, hell, even pull some hair, nothing truly violent, not promoting that. Have you ever met someone you could do that with? I did, my little brother, we called each other every name in the book, pulled each others hair, I even chased him with a toilet plunger one time, never connected. But him and I are so close, we can still say anything to each other, we have the best talks.

PS we got away with it when no one was looking, LOL!! They left us alone a lot, lol, I wonder why:lofl:
 
Kaya, it's good that she wants to call you and talk. I lost my oldest sister before her time, and I wish I communicated with her more when I could've. If you both never got along, things wouldn't change now that you're older for sure.

I would tell her in a calm way, that if she wants to call and talk to you, she should be considerate and give you her full attention during the call. No stopping to answer other calls, etc. Make it clear to her that if she want to talk to you, she needs to put everything else on ignore, that is the only respectful way.

You can also give her some rules. If she calls you, she gives 6 rings, and if you don't answer she hangs up...unless it's a real emergency of course. Then, you know it's her from the amount of rings, and can call her back at your convenience. Explain to her that when she calls over and over, it's disruptive to you and your husband, and you won't have it anymore. My mother did that when my oldest sister got married, four rings and if she didn't answer that was it. She knew it was my mom, and would call her back when she could...worked great!

It seems she may just like to push your buttons, and it's working. Don't let it happen anymore, you're in control, but you have to chill out, take a deep breath, and reasonably lay down some ground rules starting now and into the future.

Let her know that you'd like to talk to her when there are things to say, but she shouldn't just repeat old news and waste your time. Is she older, with memory issues? I wonder also why she backs off when you say you'll call her daughter? Does she realize deep down that she's pushing her limits with you and hubby?

I think you have the power to make a change here, and save yourself some headaches...just set the rules, and make sure she knows you mean business...or no more contact until she respects your (and your hubby's) wishes. Just some suggestions, take them or leave them...but good luck! :)
 
Good post SB, it's true that with some folks, if they know they are getting to you, they seem to have fun with that. I guess if there is any way to show her she isn't getting anywhere, she might stop. I have a hard time not letting certain people in my life not push my buttons. I do believe I am allowing it though. Hmm, food fer thought;)
 
Why let her have her way? It's YOUR life. Don't let her spoil it.
DON'T call her ! If (or when) she calls YOU, let it go to voice mail.

Then go out to a nice restaurant and treat yourself to a nice dinner (breakfast, lunch).

Keep doing this for YOUR sake of sanity. Maybe she'll catch on and stop bothering you.

You only live ONCE. Don't allow anybody else spoil it for you.
 
Ina said:
Kaya, I would inform her that her conversation was demeaning and bad for your health. That if she couldn't be a positive part of your life, then you are finding your relationship is not worth it.
Click to expand...

She is 65. I will be 62 soon. I'd like to have a buck for every time I told her that. I could retire. :playful:
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
Feel better now? A good rant usually does the trick for me, but it does it even better if I can rant at the person I want to rant at:D They never want to stand still long enough, though. Can't imagine why not...
Click to expand...

Yep. Ranting releases bad energy. And yes..I ranted. We will not speak again for a few months..then she will call and it will start all over again. I NEVER call HER. Hell, I left home at 17 to get away from her and my mother. Haven't been back since.
 
Falcon said:
Why let her have her way? It's YOUR life. Don't let her spoil it.
DON'T call her ! If (or when) she calls YOU, let it go to voice mail.

Then go out to a nice restaurant and treat yourself to a nice dinner (breakfast, lunch).

Keep doing this for YOUR sake of sanity. Maybe she'll catch on and stop bothering you.

You only live ONCE. Don't allow anybody else spoil it for you.
Click to expand...
I agree, we all have the power to help ourselves, if we really want to. All the pussyfooting around just exacerbates the situation.
 
Fern said:
I agree, we all have the power to help ourselves, if we really want to. All the pussyfooting around just exacerbates the situation.
Click to expand...

It's so easy to just "delete" people we aren't related to, or, omg, married to. I wish it was that easy when it comes to relatives you really don't like, but you are related? Should it really be handled the same as any other toxic person? I do believe some people are toxic, very bad for one's health. I remember hearing the word detach, but never quite learned the right way to do that. I just can't see suffering on and on, unless we just choose to do that. I'd like to make a healthier choice myself, life is too short.
 
Kaya said:
My sister. We have always been opposites, always never got along. Mainly because she is cray cray. She has to have the last word. Always. Now that she is old and decrepit, she is still a bully and has to have the last word.

She calls and wants to talk. Ok. I listen. It's the same crap she told me day before yesterday. When I say "yes. I know. You told me" she gets all indignant and claims I should listen to it again and not remind her she already told me. I sigh. Let her drone on and on about her aches and pains, her brunch she plans tomorrow to the "snooties" as she calls them, how much she is better than me and always has been. I say nothing. Just listen. Well, between her putting me on hold because her daughter is calling...or the phone going dead because she dropped it...or the phone going dead because she is out of range...and then when she calls back having to listen to the same stuff all over again....I finally get fed up and say I gotta go...we say our goodbyes and sure as sh!t...the phone rings again. I don't answer. And when I don't answer, it is punishment time. She will NOT STOP calling until I pick up. Sure I can unplug the phone but now I am hostage to this crazy b!tch? I don't think so.
She calls. Answering machine gets it. She hangs up without saying anything. She has to have the last word in my ear..not on a machine. She calls again. I ignore it. Again. Still ignoring it. Hubby is getting peeved. I calmly say "she ain't done. We have a few more hours of this, remember?" and he nods and sighs. Again it rings. I ignore. This goes on for about 45 minutes. Finally...I blow a gasket.

I call HER this time and scream "WTF do you WANT???" and she giggles and says "what is WRONG with you? I just want to talk to you!"

I rant at her for a minute or two, then threaten her that I will call her daughter, and that usually does the trick. For now. Until a few days pass and she decides to call me again for the same ol wash, rinse, repeat.

Oy. Yes, I know she is batsh!t crazy. It still doesn't help my blood pressure.

End of rant.
Click to expand...

Have you tried beating her at her own game?

Every time she starts going on a long rant, interrupt her & start ranting non-stop about your own thing. If she tries to interrupt, just keep on talking except louder. When she puts you down, put her down back.

Basically make the whole thing as unpleasant for her as possible.

Try to make her calls to you a bigger PITA for her than they are for you.

Just a suggestion.
 
Hey, if you really want to discourage her without wasting a lot of time (I like quick-fixes) just pick up the phone when you know it's her and let fly with an air, horn:

[video]http://www.uline.com/Product/Detail/S-13530/Traffic-Safety/Air-Horns?pricode=WY840&gadtype=pla&id=73106986282&gcl id=CjkKEQjwia-dBRC07eeatYGe-78BEiQArZhbgM0hmN6lq9Dg5n5XNtBU9TiPXcvRwZ-AA7h6J9RGmCnw_wcB[/video]
 
I had three sisters....one died at 21, one at 48 and the last one at 52. The last one made me soooo cross...she was an alcoholic who wouldn't admit it. I promised my mum I would look after her before mum died and I did my very, very best. It cost me loads of money and lots of heartbreak and I got so cross at her. When she died, I was so cross with her for doing it to herself, I finished up going to a counsellor to vent my anger.......perhaps you could do the same.
 
I hear you Meg, good for you for getting the counseling to make it through. It's so hard when we see people harming themselves, and I know others have felt the same when they see me do things that could harm me as well. But I am way more intolerant of relatives that do that, or I should say, people I love. I guess it is fear of losing them, or knowing how much happier they could be, who knows.
 
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