Miss Malaprop

[Beezer]

Malaprop-
the mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effect, as in, for example, “dance a flamingo ” (instead of flamenco ).

When I first met and fell in love with my French wife, she would make me howl with laughter because of her malapropisms.

I was complaining about a lousy present I had received for my birthday and my wife looked at me all seriously and said...

"Oh, honey...you should never kick a gifted horse in the mouth!"

There's been many more over the years, but that one was a classic for sure!

 

[Beezer]

Another time at a family dinner my brother told a work story about how he had to report a co-worker who was misbehaving.

My wife: "Oh, John. Nobody wants to be known as a pigeon stool"

My old Dad nearly did a spit take with his mouthful of wine.

 

[Beezer]

I guess she got it from her mother.

My wife had postpartum blues after the kids were born. We were discussing this over lunch and my mother-in-law said...

"Oh sweetheart, post mortem can be very stressful!"

 

[Beezer]

And I mentioned this earlier. My wife thought Bonnie Tyler's hit song "It's a Heartache" was called...

"It's a Hard Egg"

She said why is this woman singing about a hard egg??

I just fell head over heels with her innocent sayings.

 

[Beezer]

I remember a story in the news a few years back.

A French celebrity woman was asked by a reporter what she expected from her new marriage. In her broken English she replied...

"Appiness"

She meant to say 'happiness' of course, but it sounded like she said...'a pen!s' lol!

 

[Beezer]

There's quite a rude joke that goes...

Q: Why was the Snowman happy?
A: Because he heard the snowblower was coming.

I apologize. It is a rude joke. But my wife heard the joke and just innocently thought that Snowmen liked snow and the sexual connotation never dawned on her.

So at a Christmas family gathering she gathered all of the young nieces and nephews around and told that joke!!

Dad was sitting on the couch and just had this quizzical puzzled smile on his face while my brothers and sisters were rolling on the floor laughing.

 

[win231]

Those are hilarious!

 

[MountainRa]

I enjoyed reading these.

 

[Geezerette]

Thanks for the smiles!

 

[Jace]

One time, going out for something to eat with a group...the "dumb blonde" said..she was ravished...instead of famished!

 

[Beezer]

My wife was gainfully employed in the French public service until she took early retirement. She always made more money than I did and called me her 'Trophy Husband' lol!

She was nails in French but always mixed up her English metaphors.

For both men and women, if you marry a hard worker who makes you laugh...you'll always have food on the table and a smile on your face.

 

[Warrigal]

And I mentioned this earlier. My wife thought Bonnie Tyler's hit song "It's a Heartache" was called...

"It's a Hard Egg"

She said why is this woman singing about a hard egg??

I just fell head over heels with her innocent sayings.

I don't blame her on that one. I thought it was a hard egg she was singing about too.